694 Section Guide to Writing Prompt Your hometown has just received a grant from an international organization to fund a single improvement project Which of the following would you recommend to receive the funding? the the the the the city airport police department local schools public transportation system art museum the the the the streets and roads fire department city parks local hospitals Give specific examples and reasons to support your recommendation Response LESSON 28 CHECKING AND EDITING THE ÏNDEPENDENT RESPONSE You should give yourself about five minutes after writing the essay to look for and correct mistakes You will need to look for the same kinds of mistakes that you looked for when checking and editing the Integrated Writing Response (A) Checking and Editing Content and Organizational Errors Again, there will not be enough time to make any major changes in the organization of your responses However, you should quickly check for the following problems: Problems in the introduction > Does the introduction accurately restate the prompt? > Is there a thesis statement that summarizes your opinion of the prompt? (In some responses, the thesis statement is given in the conclusion.) Problems in the body paragraphs > > > >» Does all the information in the body paragraphs develop and support your opinion as given in the thesis statement? Are there reasons, examples, details, or experiences from your own life that support general statements? Are there sentences in the body that are unrelated to the thesis statement? (If so, delete them.) Do the ideas flow clearly from sentence to sentence and paragraph to paragraph? If not, can you add transition words that improve the flow of ideas? INIAAETINAY Problems in the conclusion > Is there a conclusion that gives readers the feeling that the essay is complete? (B) Checking and Editing Grammatical Errors WN m The grammatical errors that you will be checking for in the Independent Response are the same as those in the Integrated Response The most common errors are listed here: Sentence fragments and run-on sentences Verb errors Pronoun errors Singular and plural errors oF y Incorrect word forms For more information, see Lesson 24 about editing the Integrated Response (pp 635-636), and for explanations, examples, and exercises involving these and other written structures, see the Writing Tutorial on Grammar (pp 706-729) 695 696 Scction Guide to Writing (C) Checking and Editing Mechanical Errors You should check your response for the following mechanical problems: Spelling errors Punctuation errors Capitalization errors Paragraphing problems Again, see Lesson 24 (pp 635-636) for more information about editing these kinds of problems EXERCISE 28.1 Focus: Checking and editing organizational/content errors, grammatical errors, and mechanical errors in paragraphs taken from Independent Writing Responses DIRECTIONS: Each of the following paragraphs contains a number of mistakes Find as many mistakes in the paragraph as possible Correct the mistakes, writing in the space between the lines Then use your corrections to rewrite the paragraph The first sentence of paragraph is done as an example Paragraph a on s Fhe Technology has had major impact ## many field Nowadays we can’t even suppose business, communication, or traveling without computers I want to discuss about the impact of computers on the education The modern technology has made live easy for students and professors If a student want to contact with a professor, you haven't problem It is enough only to send professor’s an e-mail and you haven't to go to office More over, many university created special network for students in order to make the studying process easy for its students For such kind net you could enter only by using your pass word and identification number There are many categories you can chose to enter, such as “student tools” or “assignment box” where you can know about your homeworks Also is possible to access to the university library to make researches Computers also give students opportunity to gather informations about various topic from the internet It is one of most easiest ways of making research for student One other way that computers can help stu- Lesson 28: Checking and Editing the Independent Response 697 dents, especially those from another countries, to stay touch with their freinds and family at their home, personally I could not study in usa if not contact with my family, because I am both student as well as work as a manager in my families business so I must stay in touch with my assistents Technology has had a major impact on many fields Paragraph Some people are believing that is impossible falling in love with someone “at the first sight.” In the other hand, there are others people who are believing that you recognition a person that you love immediately I know its possible falling in love at first sight Because this happened to my wife and I Paragraph If you are ever in thailand in month of may I suggest you to go to the Rocket Fetival It held every year in a small town called yasothon about 500 kilometer bangkok bangkok has many beautiful temples, including the temple of the dawn This two == = a @ 698 Section Guide to Writing day fetival is well known and famous in thailand It mark the beginning of rice growing season Fetival will open with a parate of women performing a Bang Fai Dance They dance around villagers carrying colorful rockets in shape of river snakes Villagers construct gigantic home made rockets and fire them into the sky to ‘ensure’ plentiful raining during the rice-planting season The farmers believe if spirit pleased by their actions, he will deliver the raining necessary for good rice harvest People from all over thailand and tourists from all over world join the local people in celebrate First single rocket launched to forefell the next season's rains The higher it goes, the better is raining Then, the rocket competition begins with the same rule - the rocket that goes highest is the winner of the game If a rocket fails take off or explores, the owner will be throw into the mud The Rocket Festival is spectacular and provides a great opportunity to experience fun However, if you go, you need being careful Both villagers or tourists sometimes injure or even kill by rockets that goes out of control Lesson 28: Checking and Editing the Independent Response 699 Paragraph When I was small child I live in the town of Sendai, the biggest city in the north part of japan My grandmother live in Tokyo Which is in the center part of Japan While I was live in Sendai, I often went to see my grandmother, but it takes five hours to get to tokyo by local train Since about twenty-five years ago, the high speed express train called the “Shinkansen” (bullet train) built, and connected between Sendai and Tokyo For me personally, this was most importent development in transportation It now take only a hour and half to travel to Tokyo from Sendai The trip become very easy It also was a great impact on sendai Economics development there increased In the negative side, prices for housing and other things went up In the whole, however, this development was very big benefit for the city == = 7) Paragraph I’m from Korea Once, Koreans had large families They lived three times families altogether (grandparents-parents-children) They were almost farmers, so they preferred large numbers of families In present, Korea has develop and society change from agriculture to industrial Many people has moved from rural areas to urban ones Because their job in the city For example my husband went to Seoul in 2000 for his college He leaved his parents and lived alone After his graduation, he got a job at Seoul At that time we worked together After we marriaged, we lived at 700 Section Guide to Writing Seoul Of course his parents want us to live together them as Koreans traditional do, but we have no jobs in parents area For me, I think this changes of society are natural and reasonable Paragraph Today you can see very often people arguing about advantages of computer game There are millions of computer games today Millions different ones Some time computer games so attractive that young people, and not just young, can spend ours and even days in front of computer And of cors if you spend to much tim on playing computer games you can heart your eye, physical conditions, and you can isolade yourself from sosiety, may be have problem communicating with other people Lesson 28: Checking and Editing the Independent Response 701 Paragraph When I first come to the united states I was only 17 years old and have never been away from my home I come here for one year I lived with a family american in suburban of new orleans I went to high school there Imagine how difficult is it for me on a first day of school I didn’t know where should I go or what should I I spoken only little english But, I was very fortunate The daughter of my host families neighbors recognizing me, and she did everything for helping me Not only, she helped me talk with the principal of the school and she introduced me my teacher for my first class She even eat her lunch with me I am still remember her ĐNILIIAA kindness! 702 Section Guide to Writing WRITING REVIEW TEST » Nowstart the Audio Program @) This Writing Section tests your ability to write academic English It consists of two writing tasks The first writing task is an “integrated” task It involves reading a short passage and listening to a short lecture on the same topic You will then have twenty minutes in which to write a response based on the information in the passage and the lecture Now read the directions for the first writing task Directions: Take three minutes to read the short passage on the following page You may take notes as you read After three minutes have passed, turn the page and start the Audio Program You will hear a lecture on the same topic as the reading Again, you may take notes as you listen You will have twenty minutes to write your response Your response should include information from both the reading and the lecture Your essay will be rated on the completeness and accuracy of your response as well as on the correctness and quality of your writing A typical response should be 150 to 225 words You may use your notes and look at the reading passage as you write (During the actual exam, you can view the reading passage on the left side of the computer screen after the lecture is over.) You have twenty minutes in which to finish the Integrated Writing Task Writing Review Test 703 For three hundred years, there have been those who have been in favor of Free Trade Allowing businesses from all over the world access to your country’s markets, and having access to all the world’s markets, supposedly helps the economies of both developing and developed countries However, the theory that Free Trade has brought only blessings is simply not true Proponents of Free Trade claim that open trade policies lead to peaceful cooperation between nations on many levels and make war between trading partners impossible Historically, this had not been the case Most of the nations that fought each other in World War II had previously been trading partners And even if trade disagreements not lead to military conflicts, they may still poison the relationship between nations, even between “friendly” nations Free Trade brings global competition, and according to Free Trade advocates, competition brings lower prices This may be true—at least at first A giant international soft-drink company has what's called “economy of scale.” The more soft drinks it produces, the cheaper it is to make them Therefore, they can undersell local soft-drink producers This international soft-drink maker also has a huge advertising budget, unlike local companies By offering lower prices and filling the market with advertising, the giant company crowds out the local softdrink companies Many go bankrupt, and local workers lose their jobs After the companies are gone, of course, there is little competition Global companies can then charge whatever they want for their products Usually, governments that limit trade so through “tariff barriers.” In other words, they charge a tax on imported goods This makes the cost of local goods more competitive with the cost of imported goods And although it’s a fact that is often forgotten, tariffs provide a useful source of income for governments— and at no cost to the taxpayers of their own countries Notes: 704 Section Guide to Writing » Now start the Audio Program Listen to part of a lecture in an economics class @) Notes: Question: Summarize the main points made in the lecture that you just heard, discussing how they differ from the points made in the reading You can refer to the reading passage as you write Writing Review Test 705 » Nowread the directions for the second writing task DIRECTIONS: Read the question below You have thirty minutes to write your essay This includes the time to plan, write, and revise your essay A typical response should be a minimum of 300 words Your essay will be rated on the correctness and quality of your writing, including the way you organize your essay and develop and support your ideas Do you agree or disagree with this statement? The most important information does not come from books Use specific reasons and examples to explain your choice WRITING TUTORIAL: GRAMMAR Grammar is not tested directly in the Writing section—there are no multiple-choice grammar items—but your ability to use written grammar correctly is an important part of your score on the Writing section In this section of The Guide, some common grammar points are explained and exercises are provided GRAMMAR POINT 1: RUN-ON SENTENCES AND SENTENCE FRAGMENTS When you are writing responses, it is easy to make two mistakes The first is to write run-on sentences These are not simply long sentences; they are sentences that consist of two or more clauses that are not correctly connected RUN-ON SENTENCE: Professional workers such as lawyers or accountants usually work longer hours than factory workers they have more freedom in planning their time The sentence above has two independent clauses that are not correctly joined You can repair run-on sentences by joining clauses correctly or by breaking the run-on sentences into two shorter sentences CORRECTION A: Professional workers such as lawyers or accountants usually work longer hours than factory workers; however, they have more freedom in planning their time CORRECTION B: Professional workers such as lawyers or accountants usually work longer hours than factory workers However, they have more freedom in planning their time Another common mistake is to write a sentence fragment: an incomplete sentence that is missing some important sentence elements such as a verb or a subject By themselves, adverb clauses, adjective clauses, and all kinds of phrases are fragments FRAGMENT: Larry wasn’t able to finish graduate school Because he didn't get a scholarship Fragments can also be fixed in two ways: by joining the fragment to another sentence or by rewriting the fragment as a stand-alone sentence CORRECTION A: Larry wasn't able to finish graduate school because he didn’t get a scholarship CORRECTION B: Larry wasn't able to finish graduate school He didn’t get a scholarship 706 Writing Tutorial: Grammar 707 GRAMMAR EXERCISE Ì DIRECTIONS: Mark the following items F if they contain a fragment, RU if they are run-on sentences, and C if they are correct Then write corrections eliminating fragments and run-ons The first one is done for you as an example 1s After its introduction in 1969 The float process became the world’s principal method of manufacturing flat sheets of glass After its introduction in 1969, the float process became the world’s principal method of manufacturing flat sheets of glass We heard a lecture by Professor Taylor Who is the chairman of the history department Thomas Edison invented the light bulb and the phonograph But not the telephone 4, Arnold Palmer, a famous American golfer, is no longer playing professionally, but he is still respected by golf fans all over the world Seals appear clumsy on the land, they are able to move short distances faster than most people can run You can't get to the island from here Without a boat While all birds are alike in that they have feathers and lay eggs, there are great differences among them in terms of size, structure, and color A barometer is a device it is used to measure atmospheric pressure ĐNILIIAA _F 708 Section Guide to Writing Sometimes cloth is made by blending natural fibers and synthetic fibers Rayon and cotton, for example 10 Professor Roberts bought a car in Rome Then sold it in Amsterdam after her vacation 11 Technical climbing means mountain climbing without special equipment, it shouldn't be attempted without training 12 Almost 92% of people get married over one third of these marriages end in divorce half of all divorced people choose to get married a second time GRAMMAR POINT 2: ADJECTIVE CLAUSES Adjective clauses—also called relative clauses—are a way of joining two sentences However, test-takers sometimes use these clauses incorrectly In the joined sentence, the adjective clause modifies (describes) a noun in another clause of the sentence An adjective clause begins with a word called an adjective clause marker I wanted the book The book was already checked out The book that I wanted was already checked out The adjective clause in this example begins with the marker that and modifies the noun book Adjective clause markers are relative pronouns such as who, that, or which or the relative adverbs when or where  ... in the town of Sendai, the biggest city in the north part of japan My grandmother live in Tokyo Which is in the center part of Japan While I was live in Sendai, I often went to see my grandmother,... listening to a short lecture on the same topic You will then have twenty minutes in which to write a response based on the information in the passage and the lecture Now read the directions for the. .. the actual exam, you can view the reading passage on the left side of the computer screen after the lecture is over.) You have twenty minutes in which to finish the Integrated Writing Task Writing