RESEARCH PAPER WRITING Name: CAO THI THANH THUY Class: Education 07 Students code: 07074808 Topic: Changing the expectations of marriage in Asia. Research question: How does culture influence people s concept of marriage? "You're not young anymore, find a man and marry him". It's only sentence which mom said to my sister. She's 26 years old, she has everything such as: good position in company and stable salary but boyfriend. When mom said: "when I was at your age, I had baby. Look at you; you still look like a child". My sister just smiled and answered:" Mom, the lifestyle is changing". It's quite true; 40 year ago, women had no voice in their arranged marriage. After the wedding, women are judged how they took care of the family, husband, children without caring their own interests. The modern society makes the ways of thinking change. To pursue own dreams, the Asian women have different views of marriage. There are three reasons for this: personal fulfillment, financial self-reliant and future husband. The first thing that changes the attitude toward the marriage of women is the personal fulfillment. About 40 years ago, a married woman had to give up her own life and spent time on housework. In "What does life tell us about love?" (2003, p.42), Kavita Daswani writes, "There is an element of sacrifice and obligation, we are expected to make many things secondary once the husband come along to devote our energies to him, and his house and the building of another family unit". This sentence is totally suitable for Asian tradition. My grandma is one of the typical examples I have seen. She got married when she was just 18 years old. After wedding she had to stop her outside jobs and stay at home. My grandpa was the only son in the house, so his parents didn't allow him to do anything. Grandma said that she had done the same boring work from day to day such as: doing the house work, taking care of the family, etc. whenever remembering the past, she always hopes that. I will have a different life from hers. Because of living in modern society, I hate the traditional lifestyle. I can't stand staying at home all day and devoting my energy for my husband, children. In stead, I can do something to pursue my personal goals. Many women who are married have the same thought like mine but the attitude toward women's fulfillment changes when the society develops women want not only to stay at home, but also to have a job. The out-door work helps them to use time usefully, in addition people can have the exact judgments for the modern women also they have the equal role like the men. Angelica Menifee, president of trampoline, faced some of these challenges. Being a wife and a mother, she stayed at home and looked after everything as another housewife. As you know, housework is a job which is unpaid and under- appreciated at time so that she tried to balance between indoor and outdoor works. The desire to carry on the personal fulfillment made her and her business stronger. The point here,, women not only live for their husband and children but also want to find a career to earn money. Modern women don't want to live in rigid traditional marriage, there fore, they delay to marry until the find an open-minded husband. They realized that they have a right to make their marriage meaningful. Being independent in finance is another desire of modern women. Women want to satisfy their personal fulfillment, so having a job is the first thing they want to do. The developed economy means women can have more chances to get a job. A career brings to women the opportunities not only to earn money but also to prove themselves. Long time ago, women weren't allowed to go to school so they couldn't do anything besides being a wife. Different from the past, the modern society give them more advantages, they can take over from the minor works to the major ones like: workers, teacher, editor, director, manager, etc. according to " I take thee, for weekend only, Kay Itoi (1999), women in Japan now have more opportunities to get jobs and make money. If you know Japanese original tradition, you will understand the reason why writer has that judgment. Women in Japan live on their husband's salary so that they have no voice in their wife work outside. But the improved economy liberated them from the humdrum work. In " women managers moving on: exploring career and life choices" (2006), Judi Marshall writes that getting a stable job isn't a luxury choice and the women have the same equal chances as the men. Nowadays, Women are taught how to earn, spend and manage money logically and they can be self-reliant. Being independent or not live on the husband, women are able to express and each of their actions are respected. They no longer wait for the money from their partner in stead, their career can help them make money and add to family's budget. (Marshall, 2006). Women don't do these works to show they are better than their husband. Simply, they want to be respected by their partner. They would like to express freely their feeling and act in the way they want. The women always expect men spend time on listening to them; therefore, they have ability to get more and more the desire for financial self-reliant. The expectation of choosing the prospective husband is the last problem. As you see two above paragraphs, women change the view of personal goals, finance, so they also have some conditions with their partner. They can't stand a man who always wants his wife to stay at home and to look after everything. The point is here, women and men have the same right to study, and they spend 4 years or longer to accomplish the university's program. All of them wish to have a job after graduating. It will be a waste of time and money if the wife is required to stay at home. In the past, Asian women couldn't select the husband. Their marriage is arranged without having the acceptation between husband and wives. After the wedding, women could see the men whom they got married to. Daswani, (2003, p.42) talks about the arranged marriage. "[My parent] were brought together by their families, engaged within the day and married within a couple of weeks. That was 40 years ago and all is well". Asian women have a long history of arranged marriage. In common, parents choose wife for their son. In some cases, this kind of marriage can make sure that daughter in law's have parents the same estate with them. In another cases, the men want to look for a wife who ca take care his parents. Anyway, women have no choice to choose her partner. When the life changes the desire for choosing the future husband becomes the important decision of women. Especially, the successful women have higher expectations from the partner who lives with them forever. Takie Sugiyama Lebra (1985, p.117) mentions this problem in her book. Japanese women: constraint and fulfillment". She writes “As regards wedding rites, there are greater variations and innovations, and the bride has more voice in choosing a husband. The wedding is no longer a personal affair". The changing of personal goals and the independent finance makes the women have ability to do anything after marriage. They can date many times before choosing one men to marry. Women often get to know their boyfriend carefully so as not to regrets after weeding usually, they like the man who is kind, good-looking, success, humor, etc. beside these characters, women want to look for a partner who will respect their independence, willing to listen and share the feeling together. In conclusion, changing of the attitude toward marriage of Asian women stands for three necessary problems: pursuing personal goal, seeking for a job, finding prospective partner. Their lifestyle is moving from tradition to modern. The equality is displayed clearly and women have a tendency to change both the out of date way of living and the obsolete ways of thinking. REFERENCES: Itoi, K. (2000, July 19). I take three, for weekend only. Newsweek, 134, 2. Marshall, J. (1995). Women managers moving on: exploring career and life choices. Routledge. Lebra, T.S. (1985). Japanese women: constraint and fulfillment. University of Hawaii Press, 117. Wark, P ( 2003, July 9). What does life tell us about love?. [ electronic verson] The Times, 8, 42. . RESEARCH PAPER WRITING Name: CAO THI THANH THUY Class: Education 07 Students code: 07074808 Topic: Changing the expectations of marriage in Asia. Research