writing band 7 5

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Ngày đăng: 06/03/2018, 09:05

Some people believe that the advent of economical air travel has been very beneficial by making international travel more accessible, while others argue that it has had a very negative impact Discuss both views and give your own opinion People have different views about whether the development of economical air travel is positive or negative I personally believe that this development positively influences (missing word) lives of people around the world On the one hand, I agree with those who believe that cheap air tickets benefit people in various ways Firstly, low-cost flights allow people to travel abroad easily Therefore, from the economic perspective, the development of (missing word) aviation industry can be extremely positive since it facilitates trading activities between countries whereby improving economic growth Secondly, thanks to accessible flights, people can travel with a significantly lower price than before For example, in the past only wealthy people were able to travel to other countries on holiday Today as air tickets are more affordable, many people can enjoy a holiday in other countries This implies the living standard had increased considerably However, the development of economical air travel also causes some negative impacts As the economy grows more rapidly, pollution from economic activities also increases greatly Therefore, in the longterm, people’s welfare will be influenced adversely Another negative impact of air travel advances is that it fosters the process of globalization which means people around the world become more connective Although this international connection is beneficial in some ways, it absolutely can undermine distinctive cultures When globalization occurs, people in different countries will have similar ways of doing things as well as lifestyles Therefore, in the long-run they may even lose their national customs and traditions In conclusion, while I agree that cheap flights significantly contribute to better quality of lives, there are also some negative impacts which should be taken into consideration (Total words: 271) Red – Grammar Blue – Word choice Unnecessary words are crossed through unnecessary words Score: 7.5 Task Response: Coherence and Cohesion: Lexical Resource: Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Comments & advice Reasons for score Task Response: - This is a very good response which for answers the question directly - I would just be careful about the slight contradiction between the line of argument that you set out in the introduction and the more nuanced view that you took in the conclusion - (I agree wholeheartedly with you about globalization!) Coherence and Cohesion: - The essay has a clear structure the sentences are well linked and the ideas are easily intelligible - The paragraphs cohere well around a central theme in each paragraph Lexical Resource: - There is a high standard of vocabulary throughout, although (very) occasionally word choice could be better Grammatical Range and Accuracy - A good range of structures which for the most part are accurately formed Be careful with the use of articles and subject verb agreement for plurals or singular subjects of a sentence Don’t forget to check your essay at the end Spelling mistakes: None I recommend writing out again the corrected sentences / phrases Good luck Phil ... subjects of a sentence Don’t forget to check your essay at the end Spelling mistakes: None I recommend writing out again the corrected sentences / phrases Good luck Phil
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