ACOA Adult Children of Alcoholics Presented by Mark W. Weston What is ACOA? Initials stand for Adult Children of Alcoholics ACOA Any adult who was raised in a family where one parent or step-parent, or both parents were alcoholics. Alcoholism: The abuse of alcohol to the extent that it interferes with major life functions of the individual such as work, health, family, friendships, etc. Alcoholism is a progressive, chronic, and frequently fatal disease. (as defined by the NIAA (National Institute for Alcohol Abuse) Characteristics of ACOA may include: Fear Of Losing Control: ACA’s maintain control of their feelings, their behavior and try to control the feelings and behavior of others. They do not do this to hurt either themselves or others, but out of fear. They fear that their lives will get worse it they let go of their control, and get uncomfortably anxious when control is not possible. Fear Of Feelings: ACA’s have buried their feelings (especially anger and sadness), from childhood on and have lost the ability to feel or express emotions freely. Eventually all intense feelings are feared, even good feelings, such as joy and happiness. Characteristics of ACOA may include: Fear Of Conflict: ACOA’s are frightened by people in authority, angry people and personal criticism. Common assertiveness, displayed by others, is often misinterpreted as anger. As a result of their fear of conflict, ACOA’s are constantly seeking approval, but they lose their identity in the process. They often end up in a self-imposed state of isolation. Characteristics of ACOA may include: An Overdeveloped Sense Of Responsibility: ACOA’s are hypersensitive to the needs of others. Their self-esteem comes from how others view them, and thus they have a compulsive need to be perfect. Characteristics of ACOA may include: Feelings Of Guilt When They Stand Up For Themselves Instead Of Giving In To Others: ACOA’s sacrifice their own needs in an effort to be “responsible” and to avoid guilt. Characteristics of ACOA may include: An Inability To Relax, Let Go, Have Fun: Fun is stressful for ACOA’s, especially when others are watching. The child inside is terrified, exercising all the control it can muster to be good enough just to survive. Under such rigid control, it’s no wonder spontaneity suffers, for spontaneity and control are incompatible. Characteristics of ACOA may include: [...]... Young Children of Alcoholics: Cont Illness, allergies increase Ongoing confusion Is the rule Problems or extreme overachievement occur at school Role changes with Sisters/brothers may May drink more with or without parent occur Learning disabilities Feels unloved, unwanted, useless, failure, hopeless Emotional disturbances manifest Suicidal fantasies Death wishes for parents Child reaches out for help,... jail are Scapegoats Family “Roles”: Family Mascot A Purpose: Fun & humor to Cover feelings in self and family Emotional Caretaker “Super Cute” Fragile Hyper-Active What is really going on inside Confusion Fear/Insecure Loneliness Low Self Esteem Does Anything To Attract Attention Away From Problems HC E Humorous Fun Around Clowns A lot Reads Family Well/Audience Well Fits In Anywhere S Family “Roles”:... Insecurity 9 Unspoken Rules 5 Emotional Cycles Of Family Members 6 Looped Communication 10 Doubting Of Perceptions 11 Fear of Normal Conflict 12 Survival Roles Family “Roles”: Alcoholic Anger Charm Behavior Aggression (abuse) What is really going on inside Feelings Pain Guilt/Hurt Rigidity Very Fear/Shame Perfectionism (very seldom completes A project, then no one can criticize) Emotional Grandiose Behavior... thinking, can’t complete a task, lying is a habit, judges self without mercy, relationship problems, approval seeking then rejecting it Children of Alcoholics: The Progression and Recovery through the Cloud of Alcoholism Adult Increased low self-esteem, eating disorders/alcohol or drug addiction severe, intimacy problems, fear of success/failure, can’t identify feelings or express, overreaction to life’s... Inadequate Over-Achiever All-Together Appearing Disappointed With Anything Less Than 1st Place of “A” Special (Narcissistic) Extremely Reliable Develops Independent Lifestyle Family “Roles”: Family Scapegoat A Purpose: Distraction “Milk Spiller” HC E “Fire Breathing Dragon” Early Chemical Use What is really going on inside Fear Anger Withdrawn Rejection Hurt Low Achiever High Sense of Peers Sullen Defiant... night terrors, problems in school, hyperactivity, immature for age/parental child, begins lying/stealing, lack of spontaneity Children of Alcoholics: The Progression and Recovery through the Cloud of Alcoholism Adolescence Feeling over responsible, helpless, identifies family as different, becoming more withdrawn/acting out, learning disabilities, special education, low selfesteem, seeks inferior peer... responsibility or Chronic Irresponsibility 4 Perfectionist 5 Counter - Dependence Fear of Dependency 6 Need To Be In Control 7 Difficulty Hearing Positives 21 Characteristics of ACOA: 8 Over-Achievement or Under-Achievement 12 Denial 9 Poor Self Image 10 Compulsive Behaviors 11 Need To Be Right 13 Fear Of Conflict & Anger 14 Chaos Junkies 21 Characteristics of ACOA: 15 Fear Of Feeling 16 Frequent Periods... and oversensitive, psychosomatic illnesses, isolation, over-involved with others, desperate need to stay in control, self neglect/extravagance, job problems, panic attacks, feeling hopeless, and helpless, constant anxiety, phobias, suicide thoughts/attempts ... situations Doesn’t trust Children of Alcoholics: The Progression and Recovery through the Cloud of Alcoholism Definition of Cloud Our definition of a Cloud is a defense mechanism the COA develops to protect themselves from the pain The cloud intensity increases creating isolation and confusion The recovery process dissipates the cloud The symptomolgy above has been compiled from our personal experience and... NOT to experience the pain of abandonment Characteristics of ACOA may include: The Tendency To Assume A Black And White Perspective Under Pressure: The gray areas of life disappear, and ACOA’s see themselves facing an endless series of either/or alternatives Characteristics of ACOA may include: A Tendency Toward Physical Complaints: ACOA’s suffer higher rates of stress related medical illness Characteristics . ACOA’s are hypersensitive to the needs of others. Their self-esteem comes from how others view them, and thus they have a compulsive need to be perfect. Characteristics. Need To Be In Control 7. Difficulty Hearing Positives 8. Over-Achievement or Under-Achievement 21 Characteristics of ACOA: 9. Poor Self Image 10. Compulsive