Go away, leave me alone, please leave a message, after the tone BEEP! Funny answering machine messages “Hello? (short pause) Hellooo? (Waits again) Helloooo Who is this?” “Hello This is Mark and Nathan's phone We're not here right now, but the phone is” “A is for academics, B is for beer One of those reasons is why we're not here So leave a message.” "Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead Wait for the beep." "Hi I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you." “Hello! This is Joe If you leave message, I call you soon If you leave *sexy* message, I call sooner!” “Hello I am David's machine What are you?" "Hi Now you say something." answering “Please leave a message However, you have the right to remain silent Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.” "Hello? Hello? Hellooo? I'm sorry, you're gonna have to speak up, I can't hear you That's 'cuz I'm not home! Leave a message BEEP." "Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead Wait for the beep." "If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message." “Heaven, God speaking ” “Hi This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money If you are my parents, please send money If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money If you are my friends, you owe me money If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.” “Go away, leave me alone, please leave a message, after the tone BEEP!” “Hello, this is Susan I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone I don't guarantee that one of them will call you back only that I won't.”