CHEMICAL ANALYSIS OF (WO)MEN ELEMENT: MAN ELEMENT: Woman SYMBOL: Wo DISCOVERER: Adam ATOMIC MASS: Don't even go there PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: SYMBOL: Ego DISCOVERER: Eve OCCURRENCE: Large quantities in all populated areas Highly concentrated deposits at all sporting events and areas known as "singles bars" Extremely low quantities can be found in any location where cleaning up is required (See Women and Slave Labor) Surface usually covered with a painted film PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: Boils at nothing, freezes without reason Surface often covered with hair Melts if given special treatment Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense Bitter if incorrectly used Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore Yields to pressure applied to correct points CHEMICAL PROPERTIES: Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances May explode spontaneously without prior warning, and for no known reason Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man COMMON USES: Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars Can be a great aid to relaxation Very effective cleaning agent TESTS: Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state Melts if treated like a God Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol) CHEMICAL PROPERTIES: Is repelled by concentrated quantities of precious and semi-precious metals and stones (See Jewelery Store) May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened Requires copious quantities of substances known as attention, reassurance, and stroking When saturated with Alcohol will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety Usually willing to react with whatever is available Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to woman Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers Turns green when placed beside a better specimen STORAGE: HAZARDS: b) Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, free dinners for Wo Highly dangerous except in experienced hands Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens not come into direct contact with each other → → → → → → → → → → c) Can be used in recreational activities CAUTION: → → → a) Tends to react extremely violently when → other Man interferes with reaction to a particular Wo specimen → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → → If I was/were a man,I would If I was/were a woman, I would To talk about wishes in the present we tend to use past simple; only to show that it is something imaginary, hypothetically speaking If only I knew the answer (I not know the answer) I wish I could play the guitar (I cannot play the guitar) In a similar manner, we use past simple to talk about conditions in the present, which are only imaginary If + past simple, Would + infinitive If you knew what I know, you would be upset (you don't know what I know) If walls could talk, we would be in trouble (the walls cannot talk, therefore we are not in trouble) Fill in the following sentences with an appropriate form If Mary (speak) Spanish, she _ (not get) into trouble Now she is stuck at the airport I _ (prepare) lunch if I (be) a good cook, but all I can is order a pizza She (get) a promotion if she _ (make) some extra effort, but she always leaves work earlier I wish it _ (be) Friday Can't believe it's Tuesday! Argh! If only Joe _ (ask) me out I don't think he will If I were a boy even just for a day I'd of bed in the morning and what I wanted and go Drink beer with the guys and _ girls I'd with who I wanted and I'd never get confronted for it cause they _ me If I were a boy I think I _ understand How it feels to love a girl I a better man I'd listen to her Cause I know how it hurts When you lose the one you wanted Cause he's granted And everything you had got destroyed If I were a boy I would my phone Tell everyone it's broken so _ that I was sleeping alone I’d first and make the rules as I go Cause I know that she’ll be _, waiting for me to come If I were a boy I think I _ understand How it feels to love a girl I a better man I'd listen to her Cause I know how it hurts When you lose the one you wanted Cause he's granted And everything you had got destroyed It's _ for you to come back Say it's just a mistake, think I'd forgive you like that If you I would wait for you, you thought wrong But you're just a boy You don't understand and you don't understand, ohhhh How it feels to love a girl Someday _ you were a better man You don't listen to her You _ how it hurts Until you _ the one you wanted Cause you're granted And everything you had got destroyed But you're just a boy Teacher notes: Activities listed can be used in any given order, since they are all relaeted to the main topic, that is Men vs Women, since they also work as individual units to be used in class The whole set combines discussion (lots of it), video, song, grammar (hypothetical situations in the present) Suggestion: You may start with page 1, chemical analysis to break the ice Cut the handout in half, giving the men analysis for women and vice versa, or let Ss have the whole worksheet to themselves, and let them read it Entice conversation, see if students (dis)agree with what is said 2nd page of this lesson plan contains small cards that you may cut out and give students for the following activities; a) ask them to write as many stereotypes they can think of; it would be good to write for the opposite sex, so women enumerate all the things typical of men and vise versa Another usage is when they are supposed to list all the advantages of being of the opposite sex in your society There is a truly great video, though not for vocabulary since it is a short cartoon, but it makes fun of the typical stereotypes of (wo)men's behavior It can be used at the beginning as an ice breaker too, but I like to use it after I have asked the students to write their own ideas, to see how many they have in common with the video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acSvQkghfps Ask them to jot down or remember things they are (not) doing themselves (e.g women shopping for one thing, and then buying 1001 things they never needed) Gender role in the society Once again you can use the cards from page two, so the Ss write all the advantages they can think of being a (wo)man in your society Yet again, it would be perfect if you had a mixed class, so the men write about all the privileges women get and vice versa You may use the following questions to get the conversation going: Do roles of men and women differ a lot nowadays in your country? What has changed? What you think will never change? What things are made easier for men/women at: a) work b) school c) relationships Typical jobs for women ? Men? 5.Introduce 2nd conditional / or revise it with your students In the end, there is a song by Beyonce that fits perfectly into what has been discussed in class, Cut out the pieces of paper, shuffle the papers and have the students work out the order in pairs or groups of three, and in the second listening let them guess the missing words If needed, you can provide the missing words by writing them on the whiteboard, but if used with higher level classes, it is not needed The song is great to teach phrasal verbs and phrases as well, since many are missing in the set such as Take sb for granted Chase after Kick it with Turn off Etc I used it with my higher levels students and it really sparked lots of debates, especially with mixed groups They loved the video and the song Good luck, hope you enjoy it !