Thái độ ứng xử gia đình, xã hội thể thành ngữ, tục ngữ người Việt Familial and social behavior expressed in Vietnamese’s idioms and proverbs Trần Thị Phượng Viện Việt Nam học Luận văn Thạc sĩ Chuyên ngành: Việt Nam học; Mã số: 60 22 01 13 Người hướng dẫn: PGS.TS Vũ Đức Nghiệu Năm bảo vệ: 2013 Abstract Through surveying reliable linguistic data of idioms and proverbs, the thesis relatively presents systematically and particularly the content of Vietnamese behavior in familial and social relationships in idioms and proverbs Initially, the thesis raises outstanding features of Vietnamese behavior as well as determines their attitude of praising or criticizing towards detailed ways of behavior Bu doing this, the thesis adds real information about behavioral conception of Vietnamese people which is recorded and reflected in selected ancient linguistic data It is indispensable information for researching Vietnamese culture which the thesis achieves With detail and particular appendix, the thesis provides linguistic data source of idioms and proverbs with the content of Vietnamese behavior in familial and social relationships for people who are interested in learning or researching Keywords Thái độ ứng xử; Văn hóa dân gian; Thành ngữ; Tục ngữ Content INTRODUCTION Rationale and aims of thesis Being a social phenomenon, language functions as the most important tool of human communicating Simultaneously, it implements function of reflecting - function as a tool of human thought The knowledge, experiences and perception of people about the physical and spiritual world of humanity are all preserved in language in the form of concepts, contents "contained" in the words Since ancient times, folk knowledge is mainly handed down by word of mouth method Thus, the lessons and behavioral experiences in life were stored, summarized in the idioms, proverbs, folk songs,… the elements of folk literature Therefore, in order to find out the behavioral traditional way of Vietnamese (this conception is considered as Viet people or Kinh people) in the family and society, doing research the source of linguistic data from folk literature proves more effective and predominant compared with the source of other written ones Moreover, folk literature, including idioms and proverbs is precious literary treasure which has overcome challenges of time to become an important element in the national cultural heritage Especially, through the art of using words, proverbs have summarized people's intellect, reflecting the diversified relationships in society as well as the way of behavior showing national spirit and moral standards For this reason, research Vietnamese familial and social behavior expressed in folk literature does contribute to seeking the national cultural identity, thinking and lifestyle For years, researching treasure of Vietnamese idioms and proverbs, the authors focused only on mining and unraveling the varied contents that are reflected with the characteristics of the structure, prosody of proverbs Problems of behaving and handling the relationships between man and nature, man and society, man and themselves expressed in folk literature have recently attracted the interest in further research of scholars However, in researches of familial and social relationships expressed in proverbs and folk songs, by reading the relevant documents, we found that they mainly clarified reflection of particular relationships without highlighting Vietnamese behavior in those relationships Therefore, in this thesis, through studying linguistic data of idioms and proverbs, we will go deep into clarifying the Vietnamese behavior in particular relationships and, simultaneously, will indicate assessments and direct or indirect attitude of praising or criticizing of folk to behavior mentioned According to the policies and guidelines of the Party and State, Vietnam is in the process of building an advanced culture imbued with national identity Along with the momentum of integration, acquirement the quintessence of world-wide culture, it is extremely critical to look back, to preserve fine traditional culture of the nation So researching behavioral culture of the Vietnamese people to find cultural inherence for practical national development is urgently necessary History os issue Recently, the issue of "behavioral culture" has been much interested in Vietnam In perspectives of sociology, culture or psychology, there are researches on this topic For examples: “Behavioral culture of the ethnics in Vietnam” written by author Pham Vu Dung [16]; “Behavioral culture of Hanoi people with the natural environment” written by author Nguyen Viet Chuc [45]; “Discuss the behavioral culture of Vietnamese people” written by author Nguyen Tat Thinh [53]; “Behavioral psychology” written by author Le Thi Bung[5]… Depending on the requirements of each specialty, the authors have studied the behavioral culture from the different perspectives of approach and because of being a different major compared with those, we not mention them in our study We only preliminarily point the main contents of some research in which authors more or less exploited this subject through the resource of folk literature, especially idiom and proverb as elements of folk literature: Tran Thi Thuy Anh, the author of the study: “Traditional social behavior of the Vietnamese people in Northern delta” [1] “tried to build a model of traditional social behavior of the Vietnamese people in Northern delta … with spiritual values, including: friendliness – tolerance – simplicity – happiness …” The new thing we find in this research is that the author used a research method of region- splitting, or research method of “Cultural geography” The writer divided into sub-regions in the northern delta; however, she did not explicitly make mention of characteristics of behavior in each region, only paid attention to aspects of material culture Using folk songs, proverbs as "tools" (the word used by the author), but sources of folk songs, proverbs are actually few Main approach of this study leans toward history and culturology … With research: “Behavioral culture of women through Vietnamese folk song treasure” [17], the author Pham Vu Dung emphasized some of the contents, outstanding qualities of Vietnam and Vietnamese people: “Those are patriotism, diligence, sense of community and national solidarity, harmony, moderation; consistency, being easy to amalgamate without conservatism; creativity and acumen; being full of affection, appreciation of benevolence and righteousness; living and behaving based on affection; tolerance and harmony …” [17, p 39] With research: “Proverbs, folk songs about familial relationships” [34], the author Pham Viet Long indicated that there are four basic familial relationships in proverbs They are relationships of: husband-wife, parents -children, siblings, daughter in-law and son in-law – family In which, the husband-wife relationship is reflected the most compared with other relationships “On the overview of the Vietnamese familial relationships, except the tensional relationship between the daughter in law and mother in law, other ones are reflected with warm look, highlighting cohesion, harmony and responsibility which are considered as criteria to build cozy and sustainable family Thanks to this, the main flow of familial proverbs has created the sonority of humanitarianism encouraging love and attachment among people.” [34, p 111] With research: “Reflection of familial and social relationships in proverbs, folk songs” [3], the author Do Thi Bay pointed out the Vietnamese familial relationships reflected in proverbs including the relationships of: grandparents - grandchildren, parents - children; husband - wife; siblings; mother in law - daughter in law, parents in law – son in law, stepmother – stepchildren, stepfather - stepchildren; relatives: uncles, aunts The social relationships include the ones of: teacher-student; friends; compatriots; owners - employees; kings and mandarins - masses Overall, this study comprehensively reflected Vietnamese familial and social relationships; However, because of such largeness the author has not carefully analyze to show dominant relationships as well as behavioral characteristics of Vietnamese people have not been clearly focused Objectives and scope of thesis The main objective of this thesis is behavior in the family and society of Vietnamese people We take idioms, proverbs as research materials to find out how Vietnamese people behave in relationships; this is different from taking these elements of folk literature as the objective of thesis Therefore, in this study, we will not explore the art of expressions of idioms and proverbs It can be said that behavioral culture is related to many fields such as: culture studies, psychology, sociology, economics, education and history… in direct or indirect form However, in this thesis, we try to approach the subject based on exploiting treasure of idioms and proverbs of the Vietnamese people, localized with the treasure of idioms and proverbs of other ethnic groups; which means traditional behavioral culture of the Vietnamses people recorded in these two elements of folk literature Contents of behavioral culture are determined according to system of interactions between people and the natural environment, people and the others, people and themselves Accordingly, generally, it is considered in detail systems: behaving towards natural; behaving in the family (husband - wife, parents - children, among siblings, among relatives) and behaving in society (among friends, teachers - students, among neighbors ), which mean the behavioral relationships among members of community; behaving towards self (the conception of human life) However, in this thesis, we only consider the way of behavior between members in the community of Viet people Thus, two main research objectives and scope corresponding to two chapters of this thesis are: behavior of Vietnamese pople in familial relationships and behavior of Vietnamese people in social relationships Linguistics data used in the thesis are collected from "Dictionary of Vietnamese Idioms” included 728 pages written by the authors Nguyen Nhu Y, Nguyen Van Khang, Phan Xuan Thanh [61]; “Treasure of Vietnamese proverbs” written by the authors Nguyen Xuan Kinh (chief editor), Nguyen Thuy Loan, Phan Lan Huong, Nguyen Luan [30] with 8194 units of proverb These are two relatively abundant and comprehensive data source compiled according to a scientific, modern method being convenient for lookup However, in this linguistics data source there are units which are not completely proverbs or idioms, but because of respecting for the actual collection of the authors, we accept without comment, exclusion Research tasks We define the first task of research in this thesis is survey idioms, proverbs recorded in reliable sources After that, we collects idioms, proverbs expressed Vietnamese behavior in the family and society Then, we analysis to find out that in which correlation these behaviors are expressed, how behavior among people is described and how the folk assess and show attitude of praising or criticizing to the behavior mentioned Method of thesis In this thesis, we apply and combine research methods of disciplines: folk literature, sociology, culture studies and especially interdisciplinary research methods Being an expression of culture, thought of a community, social behavior should be considered as a general social phenomenon; thus to approach it, we need a synthesis method To achieve the target of the thesis which is both description of behavior in particular familial and social relationships, and generalization to clarify the characteristics behavioral culture of Vietnamese, Viet ethnic group, synthetic interdisciplinary research method will provide more considerable efficiency After collecting linguistic data, deriving from them, we go to classify, describe, analyze and give comments Manipulation of verification through a few quantities is also implemented Contribution of the thesis We hope that this thesis will achieve some results as follows: 6.1 The thesis presents relatively particularly and systematically contents of Vietnamese familial and social behavior reflected in idioms, proverbs 6.2 Initially, the thesis shows prominent features in Vietnamese way of behavior recorded in idiom and proverb, since then, it contributes to research, identify their characteristics of thinking, lifestyle and affection Organization of the thesis Besides the introduction, conclusion, references, appendix the thesis is divided into three chapters Chapter 1: Some basic theoretical issues of the thesis Chapter 2: Vietnamese behavior in familial relationships through idioms and proverbs Chapter 3: Vietnamese behavior in social relationships through idioms and proverbs CHAPTER 1: SOME BASIC THEORETICAL ISSUES OF THE THESIS 1.1 The relationship between language and culture Language is the objective of linguistics discipline, and culture is the one of culture studies However, considering the relationship between the two these concepts, it seems there is no equality between them Firstly, language and culture are products of man with their labor and thinking; that is the human phenomenon E.D Sapir – Professor of linguistics at Yale University raised: Language is a cultural product, is not a biological function [6, p 51] Language is a cultural phenomenon, a part of the culture Culture has wide denotation while language has more confined denotation but wider connotation According to Nguyen Van Chien [6, p 51], the relationship between language and culture is the one of containing each other; there are difficulties, intersection and similarity between them However, according to Professor Nguyen Lai, with language contained by cultural category, it is only a formal arrangement; there is an issue hidden in it in the more depth It is that the formation of language is the multiple premise of the formation of culture So, at many levels, language is the premise for the development of cultural objects And the development of culture continues to provide conditions to the language development Language and culture harmonize with each other to develop on the principle of inheriting tradition; so, they contain themselves many of the most unique features of ethnic community’s nuances Unlike any other cultural phenomenon, language is a peculiar cultural phenomenon because language is not only a cultural product but also a mean of recording other cultural phenomena In addition to this, language in which cultural phenomena are reserved in a long time is a tool to show cultural characteristics of the community 1.2 The concepts of “behavior” and “cultural behavior” 1.2.1 The concept of “behavior” In our opinion, human behavior is not only confined to the selective response towards communication partner to find out the best communication results, but it also includes all actions, attitude of the man towards natural and social environment and himself trough detail relationships Human behavior contains individual or social knowledge, thinking, psychology and feelings; in addition to this, most of behavior is symbolization 1.2.2 Concept of “Behavioral culture” We agree with the concept of behavioral culture written by Nguyen Thi Hong Thu in doctoral thesis of Literature: “Japanese proverbs of behavioral culture (in comparison with Vietnamese proverbs)” [55]: “Behavioral culture is human’s manner of behavior towards their habitat (natural and social environment) and themselves It carries national features, inheritability, humanity, transforming complicatedly through time” [55, p 38] 1.3 Proverb and idiom 1.3.1 Concepts of proverb and idiom 1.3.1.1 Concept of proverb So far, in the world as well as in Vietnam, there are many definitions of proverbs, but no one of them is considered standard to be able to apply in researching all aspects of proverbs In spite of giving the concepts of proverb being not entirely the same, the authors all paid attention to the "structural stability", "sustainable form" of proverb In our opinion, the definition given by author Nguyen Duc Dan in "morality in proverb" is the most appropriate of all: “Proverb is a series of statements with structural stability, reflecting the knowledge, the experience, the conception (of folk) of a nationality of objective world, nature as well as society.” [10, p 58] 1.3.1.2 Concept of idiom We agree with the author Hoang Van Hanh in “Vietnamese idioms” raised definition as follows: “Idiom is kind of fixed word combination with stability of form - structure, complete and polished meaning, being widely used in daily communication, especially in oral language.” [24, p 27] 1.3.1.3 Distinction between proverb and idiom It can be seen that, so far, there are two conceptions raised to distinguish idiom from proverb; one based on content and the other based on function However, considering two couples of “concept – judgment” (of the first conception) and of “naming – announcing” (of the other conception), we can see that couple “concept – judgment” is contained by couple “naming – announcing” Because concept is used to name and judgment is a form of announcing The authors acknowledge the intersection between idiom and proverb, according to above quotations, intersection part is significantly large According to the author Trieu Nguyen: “Confusion between idiom and proverb, in fact, has been considered as an obviousness, even no one assesses it as a mistake (This is expressed through collection and compilation of idioms and proverbs so far, even that the confusedness of later ones is more serious than the confusedness of previous published ones.” [41, p 45] From the opinions of authors, we claim that it is possible to distinguish idiom from proverb on both respects of content and form as follows: Formally, idiom and proverb are both available units; idiom is phrases or lexical units while proverb is sentences, clauses or short text, being not verbal units Regarding the content, the content of idiom is equivalent to conception of objects, properties or processes while the content proverb is judgments, conclusions or experiences of the folk 1.3.2 Proverb and idiom in the relationships with folklore and folk literature Folklore consisting of the cultural materials of the pre-modern societies with a pure agriculture but without script is popularized and preserved by word of mouth through noninstitutional and traditional channels of communication Folk literature is a part of both national literature and folklore As a component of the folklore, folk literature is also one of the factors of intangible culture Some its respects are close to philosophy, chronicle, folk beliefs, folk customs, and customary laws of traditional communities These genres of intangible culture have attachment and mutual relationship, affect each other and interlock spontaneously; even it is sometimes difficult to separate Proverb is a genre of folk literature In it, we can find out the recognition of folk knowledge and experience in labor, production, behavior, customs, habits, beliefs or performing activities In classification of the folk literature into genres, the researchers not arrange idiom as the one It is a special type of linguistic unit in a national language Hiding behind the cover of a communication language, idiom contains a large amount of living experience, ways of treatment and behavior, folk conceptions Because of this reason, it is easy to find out performing activities, ways of speaking, conceptions of the folk It is customs, traditional beliefs which is preserved in the treasure of idiom It is a mean to popularize culture of nationalities If dividing Folklore into three components: Linguistic Folklore; Plastic Folklore and Performing Folklore, it is proverb and idiom which are genres occupying a large quantity of linguistic Folklore With other genres, they play an important and main role in spreading Vietnamese folklore 1.3.3 Reflecting content proverb and idiom 1.3.3.1 Reflecting content of proverb  Proverb reflects production experiences  Proverb records historical and social events and phenomena a/ A few memories, historical phenomena of nation b/ Proverb of Viet people mainly reflects the characteristics of familial and social activities, material and spiritual activities in the feudality Firstly: The habits and customs, "the postulates" in people's lives Secondly: The activities of Vietnamese rural life in feudality Thirdly: Reflecting family organization and kinship relations of people in feudal society Fourthly: Reflecting the lives of employees and the social relations in feudal society  Proverb shows folk philosophy a/ Proverb displays spirit of humanism, the humanity of working people This is expressed, firstly, through conception of people b/ Proverbs represents pride, praising of prosperous country, talented people with distinctive features c/ Many proverbs represent the spirit of struggle, criticism, condemnation of working people d/ Proverb reflects abundant qualities of working people, traditional thought and morality of people through the comments, profound contemplations of reality e/ Proverb reflects experiences of people in real life, however many proverb units show the spontaneous materialistic awareness 1.3.3.2 Reflecting content of idiom In fact, there was no certain research raising reflection content of idiom as clearly and particularly as raising one of proverb The reason is that function of naming objects, facts, process, function of expressing concepts of idiom are different from function of showing judgments about certain situation or state of proverb The value of each idiom is equivalent to the one of a word, so it is impossible to observe as well as describe completely the contents of idiom This is extremely difficult and complicated work Therefore, the classification idioms based on content respect is able to conduct in the same way of grouping words according to meaning or different criteria In this thesis, we use Vietnamese idioms with the content of reflecting behavior in family and society as research data, in which, it is cultural behavior of Viet people reflected 1.3.4 Role of proverb and idiom in preservation folk knowledge and experiences Folk literature by word of mouth with proverb, folk songs, fairy tales… has appeared in many societies before people found handwriting Thus, elements of folk literature are important literary documents of many nationalities in the world including Viet nationality In ancient Vietnamese society, the quantity of people with literacy to express ideals, feelings in handwriting (demotic script or Han script) is very modest The majority of the population composed and stored linguistic works in the oral form; so, oral folk literature is extremely abundant and important in Vietnamese literature Firstly, idiom and proverb are treasures containing knowledge and experiences of folk about nature and society Not only raising ways of naming objects, phenomena through a part of lexical units – idiom, but the folk also presented judgments based on experiences and direct observations Thus, to approach treasure of folk knowledge and experiences, exploiting linguistic data of proverb is effective work In the research “Towards the establishment vocabulary of Viet culture” [6], the author Nguyen Van Chien gave concept of “sign of culture key-word” It is a basic lexical unit in treasure of culture key-word in a language; being a linguistic morphology showing concepts and recording cultural features of a nationality And of course, they include thought, experiences, knowledge of the folk about nature, society, behavior manners between people with nature, society and themselves Sub-conclusion: In conclusion, in chapter one, we discussed several concepts such as: behavior, behavioral culture; concepts of proverb, idiom and distinction between them Around these concepts, many researchers raised not the same opinions In this thesis, we agree with conceptions: human behavior is very abundant and diversified, including all reactions and attitude towards natural and social environment, towards themselves Behavioral culture contains all behavioral manners of human, carrying national features, inheritability, humanity, transforming complicatedly through time Regarding to concept of proverb, we agree with author Nguyen Duc Dan, with conception: Proverb is a series of statements with structural stability, reflecting the knowledge, the experience, the conception (of folk) of a nationality of objective world, nature as well as society While, idioms are fixed phrases with complete structure and meaning Their meanings are iconic and suggestive After that, we believe that it is possible to distinguish idiom and proverb in both respects of content and form as above We also recognize that idiom and proverb are genres occupying a large quantity in linguistic folklore, playing an important role in preservation and popularization folklore of Viet people, in particular, knowledge and living experiences of the folk Those theories are used as bases to survey and analyze linguistic data in next chapters CHAPTER 2: VIETNAMESE BEHAVIOR IN FAMILIAL RELATIONSHIPS THROUGH IDIOMS AND PROVERBS 2.1 Familial relationships of Vietnamese Because Vietnamese family and kinship relations are extremely complicated and being not researched much, in this thesis, we only mention behavior in nuclear family and a part of extended family Particularly, they are main relationships as follows: Wife – husband; Parents – children; Sisters and brothers; Relative relationships with uncles and aunts 2.2 General characteristics of Vietnamese family One of the roots for forming and locating family of Viet people is traditional mode of production – wet rice cultivation in the form of self-sufficiency As a result this, it can be seen that the most typical feature of Viet people’s family is pure agriculture The second characteristic is the small family structure by male blood According to researchers, with overview and popularization, we can see that structurally, the form of Viet people’s family is mainly nuclear family with male blood and the father as the head of the family However, a special feature of Vietnamese family by male blood is relatively high status of women In terms of aspect of community and social structure, Vietnamese family is the smallest community unit at grassroots level It is the unit which preserves and maintains the best all traditional values and identity of Viet nationality on almost respects of production, economics, religion, belief, behavioral culture, … 2.3 Behavior in basic familial relationships of Vietnamese people 2.3.1 Relationship between wife and husband 2.3.1.1 Generalization of relationship between wife and husband Through 223 units of idiom and proverb surveyed, we found 196 units (88%) reflecting folk’s comments and assessments of features of spouse relationship; 14 units expressing the content of spouse in the relationship with two family sides (6%); 13 units referring to spouse in the relationship with village (6%) Regarding general wife and husband relationship, the strong attachment between them (in 36 units) and relying on each other (in 36 units) are reflected the most It is considered as the main, primary characteristic represented firstly in idiom and proverb In which, the content of relying on husband of wife is more abundant than the one of relying on wife of man Husband frequently, mainly depends on wife for running household effectively, stabilizing orderly life, for contributing to his success, while, wife primarily depends on her man for material field, for enjoining honor and wealth from his achievement as well as position in society In terms of the content of spouse in the relationship with two family sides, meanwhile a woman values her husband and husband’s family more than her family, a man can separate from his wife but cannot that to his parents and siblings To a woman, her family maybe benefits from her husband’s achievement while to a man with face, he does not accept dependence on maternal family Therefore, it is easy to see that in Vietnamese family, the man play the role of a firm support carrying a life with full material for his wife and children while the woman protects family happiness and looking after her husband, children and paternal family with all her heart 2.3.1.2 Behavior in conjugal relationship Regarding to general behavior in wife and husband relationship, by surveying linguistic data, we found that there are two trends: positive and negative trend as follows: Firstly: Positive behavior a/ Living in harmony Harmony not only makes the family life cozy, but also creates strength to overcome difficulties However, examining the source corpus, we find that the living peace is mainly implied by wife to her husband Her first particular behavior to maintain the peaceful life is flexible responses depending on each situation of her husband (8 units) If the husband is angry, the wife have to speak less and actively make peace with him: “Chồng giận, vợ bớt lời”; “Chồng giận vợ bớt lời, cơm sơi nhỏ lửa đời khơng khê”; “Chồng giận vợ làm lành” If husband makes tense, wife have to be gently and soft: “Chồng tới vợ lui, chồng hòa vợ thuận”; “Chồng tới vợ phải lui” In case of that husband uses violence to wife, it is wise of her to avoid his thrashing: “Trai khơn tránh khỏi địn quan, gái khơn tránh khỏi đòn chồng” b/ Behavior of faithfulness, affection and gratitude Faithfulness behavior is required of both wife and husband (2 units): “Đói no vợ chồng”; “Đổi quần đổi áo thời hay, đổi chồng đổi vợ xưa chẳng lành” However, this behavior is mainly raised for wife to her husband (6 units) To specify, women always accept all vices or defects of their men Ex: “Ngu si thể chồng ta, giẫu khôn khéo chồng người” And they determine not to get married twice: “Gái chuyên chẳng lấy hai chồng” In case of husband’s death, the woman is faithful, doing worship, feeding children: “Ghe bầu chở lái đông, làm thân gái thờ chồng nuôi con” c/ Behavior of respect and honor protection for each other Mutual respect between spouses is also a fine behavioral aspect mentioned by folk: “ Tương kính tân" Inseparable attachment of spouse relationship is also evidently expressed in the behavior protection of life partner’s honor as of his own honor For this result, the folk recorded that: “Xấu chàng hổ ai" ; “Xấu thiếp hổ chàng" Wife or husband is shamed or embarrassed by dint of misbehavior or bad attitude of the life partner Particularly, for the wife, respectful and courteous attitude to husband is considered essential in her behavior: “Con ông đô đốc, quận công, lấy chồng phải gọi chồng anh” d/ Behavior of educating It can be said that the folk praises action and manner of mutual education of husband and wife: “Gái ngoan giết chó khun chồng, giai khơn mài dao dạy vợ” With the later, her behavior is gentle and soft but with the former, his one towards his wife is conducted more strongly and decisively Husband’s behavior of educating to wife is mentioned clearly in five other units of proverb with praising implication: Ex “Vợ dạy cửa nhà” For men, giving education to wife is not only giving advice or admonition but it is also teaching e/ Behavior of loving and sacrificing We record only one unit of proverb mentioning husband’s love to wife: “Chồng yêu tóc nên dài, duyên nên đẹp, tài nên khôn”, meanwhile, there are seventeen units of both idiom and proverb – the overwhelming quantity with the content of love and sacrificing awareness of wife to husband Wife look husband after and pampers him (6 units): Vd “Nâng khăn sửa túi” Additionally, their endurance and patience are indispensable in order to protect family life: “Có phải khổ con, có chồng phải ngậm bồ hịn đắng cay” Because of their husband, make light of hardship, volunteering to take on familial difficulties, even social work (5 units): “Có chồng gánh giang sơn nhà chồng”; “Thương chồng nên phải gắng công, xương sắt, da đồng chi đây” One other notable feature of behavior of wife to her husband recorded is generosity and tolerance (2 units): Vd “Thương chồng phải bồng ghẻ” Secondly: Negative behavior a/ Behavior of traitorousness without affection and gratitude Firstly, that is behavior of living with together because of money, not affection and gratitude, which is reflected in 14 units (occupying approximate 30%, the most quantity of the one of negative behaviors) In which, traitorousness behavior is criticized the most: Ex “Chồng ăn chả, vợ ăn nem” However, with this behavior committed by wife toward her husband, we found in units: Ex “Ngồi buồn rứt ruột thở dài, nhớ chồng nhớ trai nhiều”; “Chồng chết chưa héo cỏ bỏ lấy chồng b/ Behavior of belittlement to each other Behavior of belittlement in spouse relationship is firstly showed through mutual disparagement, so the folk give warnings: “Trai chê vợ tay không, gái chê chồng đồng trả bốn”; “Trai chê vợ đổ xuống sông, gái chê chồng mà hai” To man, folk criticize his disparagement attitude toward his wife: “Coi vợ già chó nằm nhà gác” c/ Non-standard behavior Vietnamese people appropriate behavior with moderation, so that the immoderate attitude in conjugal relationship is reprehensible Husband and wife not make mutual concessions, no one accept to be less competitive than the other, which leads to behavior on their own initiative (6 units): Ex “Chồng đánh bạc, vợ đánh bài” Husband respects his wife without moderation: “Nhất vợ nhì giời” There is a critical implication for husband’s behavior of excessive dignifying his wife This is considered as non-standard behavior of man Wife takes advantage love and good-nature of husband to display excesses without respect: “Chồng yêu xỏ chân lỗ mũi” She courts fondling and pampering from husband: “Chồng rẫy lơ chơ, chồng chờ lỏng chỏng” In the case of being done violence to by husband, the wife displaying the fact to public (“vạch áo cho người xem lưng”) will be criticized: “Chồng đánh chồng mắng ngõ mà gào” d/ Bad behavior in handling conflict and friction Friction is easy to understand in all relationships Discord and conflict of husband and wife: “Muối chẳng ưa, dưa chẳng lành”; “Vợ chồng mặt trăng, mặt trời” inevitably lead to argument and quarrel This behavior is in a advice of the folk: “Vợ chồng cãi hoài, cho ấm ngồi êm” Not only by making quarrel, but the conjugal tension and conflict sometimes are also solved by incidents, violence, even cruel treatments: “Gái giết chồng, đàn ông giết vợ” In addition to using violence to resolve conflicts, the couple separate from each other, leading to broken family: “Cơm chẳng lành, canh chẳng ngon, chín đụn mười lìa” e/ Behavior of browbeating and oppressing In this negative behavior, wife’s attitude is mainly only “bắt nạt” (a kind of bullying behavior) husband: Ex “Làm thói đưa đong, gái bắt nạt chồng em chẳng có ngoan” To husband, out of home, he may does bad a deed, but, at home he still gives his airs or finding faults of wife and children: “Đi cúi mặt xuống đất, cất mặt lên trời”; or fabricating, browbeating, oppressing his wife: “Quan nói hiếp, chồng có nghiệp nói thừa” f/ Other negative behavior Some other negative behaviors showed primarily by wife to husband also recorded as follows: Wife takes advantage husband: “Lấy chồng ăn chồng, ăn hết mắt khoét lòng ngươi”; or destroying the achievements her husband gained: “Chồng vo trịn, vợ bóp bẹp” Additionally, wife is dishonest with husband: “Chồng khỏi cửa nồi ba, chồng nhà niêu mốt”; in spite of anger with husband, the wife vents her spleen upon children: “Giận chồng mắng con” Thus, it is seen that the quantities of units of idiom and proverb reflecting positive and negative behavior in conjugal relationship are quite similar (48 units compared with 49 units) In which, positive behavior praised firstly and the most is wife’s sacrifice to husband (17 units) and harmony, faithful behavior to each other Regarding to negative behavior, mutual traitorousness without affection and gratitude reflected in 16 units is criticized firstly, followed by unreasonable and immoderate behavior leading to disagreement in family Generally, in Vietnamese family, faithfulness and harmony is first behavior of both husband and wife to ensure a happy family Particularly, to Vietnamese women, sacrifice to husband becomes a noble quality honored by society Content of husband’s behavior to wife occupies the quantity of 14 units while the content of wife’s behavior to husband gains overwhelming number of 59 units with 34 units referring to positive, praiseworthy behavior and 25 units mentioning negative, reprehensible one Obviously, the content of woman’s behavior to her husband is more abundant and paid attention on many respects This results from patriarchal regime, in which, women always are putted within judgment, demands of their husbands, husband's families and society Positive behavior of wife to husband is reflected more than negative one, with the most behavior manner of loving, looking after and sacrifice to husband This contrasts to the most primary behavior of husband to his wife being browbeating and oppressing Additionally, lại lo kịp người” There are 14 units of proverb representing that parents give children’s life their care, sacrifice and best things: Ex “Chăm chăm mọn”; “Chỗ ướt mẹ nằm, xê lại” Children also give love and sacrifice to parents, though in terms of this behavior, the parents give children more by many times Children never belittles poor parents but considering parents’ poverty as a part of their life: “Con chẳng chê bố mẹ khó, chó chẳng chê chủ nghèo” They always have a sense of pampering and taking care of parents at old age: “Phụ mẫu bất khả viễn du” Children make concessions, shoulder all hardship even debt for father: “Cha gánh lon, gánh vại”; “Phụ trái tử hoàn” b/ Behavior of education of parents towards children In behavior of parents towards children, the folk specially pay attention to reflect particular parents’ education towards their children They are aware of that without education; every children will be at risk of depravity: “Cha mẹ trông dại, cha mẹ trơng lại khơn” Folk emphasizes that it is necessary to carry out education towards children right from their young age: “Dạy từ thuở sơ, dạy vợ từ thuở ban sơ về” A way of education supported by the folk is using the rod; which is reflected in proverbs: Ex “Bảo không nghe vọt tre vào đít” There is only one unit of proverb referring to educating children by using insult: “Càng chửi rủa đỏ hây hây, nâng nâng trứng chết rầy chết mai” Overall, these ways of education are relatively strict without pampering According to the folk, in order to educate children into good people, using the rod or insult is an expression of love to them c/ Children’s behavior of respect and gratefulness towards parents The first attitude of children towards their parents reflected by folk is always respect and gratefulness Children should have the same respect towards both mother and father without discrimination or one-sidedness: “Bên cha kính, bên mẹ rái”; “Cha kính, mẹ vái” However, if only in terms of the effort of nurturing, children assess the mother is more exhausting than father: “Cha sinh không mẹ dưỡng”, so, mother is at the first position Respecting parents, children will inevitably obey them, even in marriage related to a happy life: “Cha mẹ đặt đâu ngồi đấy” To son, with the appearance of his wife, conflicts may occur in family, but no matter what he does not remove from his parents or treat them without filial impiety: “Bình phong cẩn ốc xà cừ, vợ hư rẫy vợ đừng từ mẹ cha” To show appreciation for parents' merits of giving birth and nurturing, each child is aware of his duty and behavior that he should implement such as giving his regards to parents in Tet vacation: “Mồng Tết cha, mồng ba tết thầy”; doing worship and celebrating dead anniversary when parents pass away:“Con giàu bó, khó nén”  Negative behavior Each object has different negative behavior to the other one, so we will clarify the negative behavior of parents towards their children and vice versa as follows: a/ Negative behavior of parents towards their children Overall, the number of units of idiom and proverb reflecting negative behavior is much less than the one expressing praiseworthy behavior of parents towards children We record a number of negative expressions as follows: Parents oppress children or treat them unequally (6 units): “Con mần bể thống í ống làng, mẹ mần bể ang làng vắng vẻ”; “Yêu đỏ, bỏ đen” The folk criticize the one who is selfish and struggling or doing cruel actions: “Được mối hàng mẹ chẳng nhường con”; “Mẹ cơm chả lả bụng”; “Chó trốn con” Sometimes, that absolute love for children causes negative and blind behavior:“Con cậu cậu nuôi thầy cho, cháu cậu cậu bắt chăn bị chăn trâu”; “Có cha bẻ đùi gà cho con” b/ Negative behavior of children towards their parents There are units of proverb reflecting that children not respect but destroying achievements, contrasting to the wishes and orientation of their parents: “Cha bòn phá”; “Cha làm thầy, bán sách” Besides, the folk also condemned the behavior of abusing parents to bleed for personal benefit: “Con gái bòn” (daughters getting married come back to her parents' home to beg and bleed); “Muốn cho gần mẹ gần cha, vào thúng thóc, quan tiền” or behavior without respect towards parents: “Cha trở trở vào, ngồi cao gọi với” In summary, it is easily seen that the number of units of idiom and proverb mentioning behavior of children towards parents is much less (about under a half) than the one mentioning behavior of parents towards children (37 units compared with 97 ones) The quantity of units reflecting positive behavior of parents towards their children is about three times more than the one reflecting negative behavior (80 units compared with 17 ones), while the number of units showing positive and negative behavior of children towards parents is approximately equal (16 units compared with 21 ones), excepting there are units confirming that children never treat parents as well as their parents towards them This shows that according to the folk, major, even indispensable psychology and behavior of parents towards their children is loving and sacrificing But, they are relatively passive because children's behavior depends on quality, consciousness and the specific circumstances of each individual Thus, we can understand that parents have a great influence on children but cannot decide their personality or quality; on the contrary, sometimes they are able to be at risk when having children with unexpected behavior In educating children, Vietnamese people consider hiding love to use the rod is an effective way of teaching children This seems to be opposite to current education theory, but in proverb, it is not rejected but sometimes supported In our opinion, the folk indicate that both mother and father have to share responsibility for educating their children or children’s degeneration instead of placing responsibility on only mother as some documents said Secondly: Behavior in the relationship between parents – daughters in law, sons in law Surveying linguistic data, we found that the number of units of idiom and proverb reflecting positive behavior in this relationship is much less than the one reflecting the negative behavior (4 units compared with 33 ones) Overall, the main behavior in this relationship is negative, which shows that the relationship between parents and daughters-in-law, sons-in-law is not good, containing many contradictions, frictions and mutual contempt Especially, it is constant conflict between mother and daughters-in-law being outstanding and reflecting in 26 units Regarding to content, the negativity of this relationship is quite serious, even reaching popularity and not being able to be harmonized Mother and daughter-in-law not like each other, mutually, often disparaging, speaking ill, even treating with affected attitude (7 units): Ex “Mẹ chồng khơng nói tốt nàng dâu, nàng dâu đâu có nói tốt mẹ chồng” Daughters-in-law are disrespectful or misbehave towards mothers-in-law instead of taking care of them (7 units): Ex “Mẹ chồng nói một, nàng dâu đối mười”… In contrast, mothers-in-law treat their daughters-in-law with estrangement, scrutiny and oppression (5 units): Ex “Trời mưa ướt đài bi, mẹ, mẹ xót thương dâu” Son-in-law treats his wife's family with cold attitude, even despising her parents (5 units): “Bố vợ vớ quai chèo, mẹ vợ bèo trơi sơng”; “Buồn cháu rể khóc đưa bà, tiếng khóc ba tiếng à”… 2.3.3 Relationship among brothers and sisters Not including families with the appearance of brothers and sisters being stepchildren, in general Vietnamese family, we need to mention these particular relationships among: siblings; sisters-in-law, husband’s siblings and wife, brothers-in-law; cousins 2.3.3.1 Relationship among siblings a/ Positive behavior The folk praises behavior of harmony (7 units): Ex “Anh em thể tay chân,anh em hòa thuận hai thân vui vầy”;sense of solidarity, mutual assistance (8 units): Ex “Cành đỡ cành trên”; loving each other and no matter what not harm mutually (5 units): “Anh em chém sống, chém lưỡi” b/ Negative behavior However, the sibling relationship is not always good, so negative behavior occurs when conflicts or self-interest arise Expressions in this relationship mainly focus on behavior without affection and gratitude, attention to each other To specify, it is behavior of appreciating money rather than siblings, of struggling, harming mutually (10 units) In particular, there are three units of proverb reflecting this negative behavior with significantly critical attitude: “Cốt nhục tương tàn”; “Đồng tiền liền với, anh em vứt ngoài” Contrary to the spirit of protection, assistance and help each other, it is mutual indifference, alienation, even sarcasm in difficulties (7 units): “Áo rách để thịt ra, chị gần không hỏi, em xa không chào”; “Ngỡ chị ngã em nâng, hay chị ngã em bưng miệng cười” Sometimes, it is bullying or impeding: “Chị em nắm nem ba đồng, muốn ăn trả sáu đồng mà ăn” In behavior among siblings, the folk also confirm that harmony is the key to maintain blood relationship and family order Regarding to responsibility for younger siblings, responsibility of male older siblings being able to replace father is inclined to reason, while the one of female older siblings is inclined to emotion, protecting and cosseting the younger However, brothers are still respected more than sisters, which one more time confirms Vietnamese families are patriarchal In terms of negative behavior between siblings, the most remarkable expression is the domination and distortion of material towards this close relationship Because of the purely material benefits, the economic competition or money, siblings can mutually mistreat without affection and gratitude Thus, the power of money in close relationships, a wrong side of the market economy in present days was also showed in folk literature 2.3.3.2 Relationships among sisters-in-law; between husband’s siblings and wife; among brothers-in-law In general, these relationships are considered to be not only attached but always disharmonious and not fine, which is reflected in units: “Chị em dâu nấu đầu trâu lủng nồi”; “Chị em chồng nấu nồi đồng đứt quai”; “Anh em rể ghế ba chân”… In which, the subjects have negative behavior to each other The main behavior between husband’s siblings and his wife reflected in three proverbs is speaking ill of each other, cruel and unequal treatment such as: Ex “Em chồng với chị dâu, coi chừng kẻo giết có ngày” Behavior among sisters-in-law is mainly lack of trust, mutual precaution (5 units) such as: Ex “Chị em dâu nói trâu thành bị” Behavior among brothers-in-law is reflected primarily with conflict, clashes or violence (6 units): Ex “Đánh vỡ đầu anh em rể” 2.3.4 Behavior in relative relationships (with uncles and aunts) The main behavior in this relationship is positive, in particular it is salvation, caring of these people towards their nephews or nieces in disadvantage situations or in the loss of father or mother (11units): “Có cha nhờ cha, khơng cha nhờ chú”; “Mồ cơi cha níu chân chú, mồ cơi mẹ tríu vú dì”… The negative behavior such as having no regard or disrespect come from nephews or nieces towards uncles or aunts when friction occurs: Ex “Chú chửi cha tôi, tha chú”; “Chú đánh cha tơi, tơi tha chú” Proverbs also reflects the funeral rites for aunts’ husbands, uncles’ wives: “Chồng cơ, vợ cậu, chồng dì, ba người chết khơng tang”; or the relationship with the wife of father’s younger brother is closer than one with the wife of mother’s younger brother: “Cậu chết mợ người dưng, tơi có chết thím đừng lấy ai” Clearly, in the thought of the Vietnamese people, paternal side is always considered more important than maternal side Sub-conclusion Through surveying sources of data, it can be seen than the folk spend the most attention to reflection, advice, recommendations of the behavior between parents - offspring, then the one between wife - her husband, among siblings and other behaviors Additionally, the number of units of idiom and proverb referring to positive behavior is more than the one referring to negative behavior This shows that Vietnamese people attach much importance to nuclear family and enhancing the role of building family with peace and harmony The behavior in family is firstly praised and highly appreciated is harmony, love and helping each other among members Another noticeable point is that Vietnamese people attach great importance to the hierarchy, so the behavior among members corresponds to their position and rank in the family Therefore, the behavior of making concessions and mutual respecting is enhanced in every Vietnamese familial relationship In addition to this, the patriarchal property, conception of valuing men above women, paternal side above maternal side are expressed quite clearly in behavior of Vietnamese families In particular in conjugal relationship, a part in the relationship of male siblings compared with the one of female siblings or in kinship relationship Those behaviors appreciated by the folk have become national morality, the good patterns of behavior built in idiom and proverb Accordingly, the negative behavior is the expressions without affection and gratitude such as conflict, jealousy, fighting or hurting each other … In terms of 351 units of idiom and proverb with the content of Vietnamese familial behavior collected, there are 180 units (occupying 51%), in which the folk raised lessons, advice, behavioral standards that everyone need to direct This is appropriate to features of idiom and proverb, especially of proverb with the main content of summarizing experiences into general educational lessons or giving behavioral patterns for people to follow or avoid in life Characteristics of warning and making orientation are clearly reflected in these units of idiom and proverb Therefore, in present social context, their role of education makes proverb and idiom reflecting Vietnamese familial behavior essential for many readers to read and ponder CHAPTER 3: VIETNAMESE BEHAVIOR IN SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS THROUGH IDIOMS AND PROVERBS 3.1 Overview of social relationships Through surveying linguistic data, we found that in Vietnamese idioms and proverbs, there are two groups of basic social relationships reflected They are: The first: Equal relationships, including: Relationship among friends; Relationship among neighbors; Relationship between male – female; Relationship among individuals in society The second: Unequal relationships, including: Relationship between teachers and students; Relationship between courtiers and civilians; Relationship between employers and employees; Relationship with old people and children 3.2 Vietnamese behavior in equal relationships 3.2.1 Behavior in relationships among friends According to the folk, company relationship inevitably exists in people’s lives, because individuals who want to survive must have fellows, friends, to not be alone After confirming the important role of friends in contributing to mutual success, creating an environment of cooperation, healthy competition and developing together, the folk raise behavior that people should or should not in company relationship First of all, the most important thing reflected is choosing friends, besides how individual should behave to have friends To preserve friendship, everyone has to behave with faithfulness, affection and gratitude (3 units): “Anh em kết bạn, sống không rời, chết không rời” In contrast to this, it is artificial, unfaithful and dishonest behavior (5 units): “Bạn bè vuốt ve nứa”; “Giàu đổi bạn, sang đổi vợ” Loyalty is precious in company relationship; thus, one of other behavior is praised by the folk is keeping prestige among friends: “Bằng hữu tín” On the one hand, confirming belief is essential to build friendships, on the other hand, the folk advise people not to trust friends excessively: “Tin bợm bò, tin bạn vợ” This can be considered as a balanced and moderate behavior of Vietnamese people 3.2.2 Behavior in the relationship among neighbors First of all, for the Vietnamese people, neighbors have more important position or role than distant relatives Ex “Bà xa không lân la láng giềng” Regarding the behavior of Vietnamese in this relationship reflected in 13 units of proverb, we find particular behavior as follows: First of all, the folk encourage the close, friendly attitude and sense of fostering neighbor relations in an active: “Bán anh em xa, mua láng giềng gần”; however, they also give advice to choose neighbors: “Ở chọn láng giềng” Once having neighbors, then the first behavior praised by the folk is expression of affection and gratitude described through in a few specific points: helping neighbors: “Thầy dở đỡ láng giềng”; not harming neighbors close living environment of individuals in any case: “Cáo già không ăn gà hàng xóm” being in mourning neighbors for three days: “Chị em ba tháng, láng giềng ba ngày” Thus, even in mourning aspect, position of neighbors is enhanced compared with some relatives On the contrary to above behavior is the one of mistreatment or dishonesty towards neighbors It is the coldness indifference to neighbors’ catastrophe: “Cháy nhà hàng xóm bình chân vại”; selfish attitude, taking advantage to personal gain: “Cơm ăn chẳng hết treo, việc làm chẳng hết kêu láng giềng”; doing no good for neighbors: “Gà béo bán bên Ngơ, gà khơ bán láng giềng” causing friction with insinuation: “Mắng dạy láng giềng” Despite being close, familiar with neighbors, each of Vietnamese families is sense of keeping their independence and relative separation from them Specifically, with the internal friction, Vietnamese people not want the care or intervention of neighbors: “Chuồng phân nhà chẳng gà người bới” or not paying attention to, even it is indifferent or isolated attitude: “Đèn nhà ai, nhà rạng” 3.2.3 Behavior in the relationship between male and female Generally, in male and female relationship, we find the standing out of female’s passive and strict behavioral demand of social towards them In finding partner to go to marriage, males have almost absolutely active role, even, according to folklore, women are always subjects to their seduction, courtship (5 units): “Cây suông ba nhánh suông, gái khôn trai dỗ trăm đường xiêu” Because the initiative is for men, so the active behavior of women in this case is considered paradoxical and ironic: “Trâu chẳng tìm cọc, cọc lại tìm trâu” The folk also mention aspect of women’s activeness in this relationship but it is activeness expressed through prevention, alertness to the men’s behavior: “Chớ nghe quân tử nói khơn, mà có lúc ẵm mình” After all, as reflection of the folk, it is women who suffer loss and disadvantages of excess behavior between men and women: “Con gái chửa hoang vàng không lấy” Traditional society has great despite towards phenomenon of pregnancy before marriage, especially directing sarcasm and contempt towards women instead of towards men In this case, society places blame and responsibility almost for women, which reinforces male chauvinism and injustice treatment of the society to women in this relationship In the love of couple, the folk also reflect a few different behavioral aspects First of all, Regarding to praiseworthy behavior, outstandingly, it is discreet and subtle behavior with emotional moderation of both sexes (7 units): “Yêu sau lưng, không yêu trước mặt”; “Nam nữ thụ thụ bất thân” …; love comes with the noble behavior, devotion to each other, sometimes being pushed to extreme (10 units): “Yêu núi trèo, sông lội, đèo qua”; … Faithfulness is a fine behavior of men and women in love (3 units): Ex “Chỉ non thề biển” Praising serious, steady and faithful attitude in this relationships, the folk acts condemn faithless people running after money and forgetting affection and gratitude: “Tham ván bán thuyền” or indecent and flirtatious behavior (4 units): “Bắt cá hai tay”; “Sớm mận tối đào”… Obviously, when being not in marital status, behavior expressing seriousness, decentness and faithfulness is promote popularly in the relationship between males and females Only regarding to loving relation, there is relatively equality between males and females; the folk fairly share requirements of delicateness, decentness and faithfulness for both sexes 3.2.4.Relationship among individuals in society Survey linguistic data, we found that the number of units of idiom and proverb reflecting behavior among general people in society is very great (834 units divided into many diverse topics, with plentiful different aspects) Firstly, We classify the specific behavior including positive and praiseworthy behavior; negative and reprehensible behavior; behavior without attitude of compliment or criticism as follows (figures in parentheses are the numbers of idiom and proverb units of each respective topic): a/ Positive and praiseworthy behavior 1/ Empathy, sharing and helping each other (33): Ex “Nhường cơm sẻ áo” 2/ Relying and balancing each other (4): Ex “Cây đa cậy thần, thần cậy đa” 3/ Behavior with skillfulness, consideration to avoid hurting others (27): Ex “Lời nói chẳng tiền mua, lựa lời mà nói cho vừa lịng nhau”; “Báng đầu thằng trọc phải nể lịng ơng sư” 4/ Behavior of making concessions, softening and harmony (16): Ex “Dĩ hòa vi quý” 5/ Loving human, no matter what not harming them (23): Ex “Ái nhơn kỉ” 6/ Gentleness, honesty (18): Ex “Ăn hiền hành”; “Có nói có, khơng nói khơng” 7/ Physical and mental reciprocity (33): Ex “Ăn cơm trả gạo, ăn cháo trả tiền” 8/ Faithful living with full of affection and gratitude (19): Ex “Ăn bát nước đầy” 9/ Consciousness of gratitude and repaying one’s favor (24): Ex “Đền ơn trả nghĩa” 10/ Appreciating benevolence and righteousness more than money (12): Ex “Vật khinh tình trọng”;“Đừng tham lợi nhỏ mà bỏ nghĩa nhớn” 11/ Modesty and have both feet on the ground (16): Ex “Quý đừng khinh người” 12/ Moderate and reasonable behavior (21): Ex “Một vừa hai phải”; “Ăn côi, dưới” 13/ Generosity and tolerance (23): Ex “Chín bỏ làm mười”; “Chật nhà không chật bụng” 14/ Definitiveness, coherence, clearness (9): Ex “Ăn cho bn so”, “Cưa đứt đục suốt” 15/ Behavior based on order and hierarchy (3): Ex “Có kẻ người trên” 16/ Evaluating or judging straightforwardly and fairly based on the reason (15): Ex “Xấu bảo xấu, tốt bảo tốt” 17/ Behavior of quiet-seeking, avoiding competition actively, not knocking strong people or involving in depressing situations (15) Ex.“Chịu dại chịu thua, đừng đua với giải” 18/ Self-respecting (6) Ex: “Ăn có mời làm có khiến”; “Có ăn, khơng có đấm bụng mà chịu” 19/ Wise behavior with thorough consideration, precautions (11): Ex “Ăn có nhai, nói có nghĩ” b/ Negative and reprehensible behavior 1/ Contempt, discrimination together despite of being in the same circumstances (3): Ex “Cùng bạn ăn mày, mắng đầy chiếu” 2/ Helping by halves, irresponsibility (2): Ex “Đem bỏ chợ” 3/ Crude, clumsy and indelicate behavior without respect for anyone (16): Ex “Vuốt mặt không nể mũi”; “Nói đối trả chém chả vào mặt” 4/ Not compromising, not yielding (14): Ex “Bầu leo dây bí leo” 5/ Behavior of insinuating (11) Ex: “Chửi bóng chửi gió”; “Nói cạnh nói khóe” 6/ Aggression, making friction and animosity (7): Ex “Hàng thịt nguýt hàng cá” 7/ Cruel, inhuman behavior (16): Ex “Coi mạng người ngóe”; “Tre lướt cị đỗ” 8/ Taking over, oppressing others (10): Ex “Cá lớn nuốt cá bé”; “Ma cũ bắt nạt ma mới” 9/ Behavior of calumniating (5): Ex “Ngậm máu phun người”; “Gắp lửa bỏ bàn tay” 10/ Appreciating poverty more than human (4): Ex “Của trọng người” 11/ Dishonest and affected behavior (47): Ex “Miệng bồ tát, ớt ngâm” 12/ Faithless, treacherous behavior (19): Ex “Lật lọng trở bàn tay”; “Ném đá giấu tay” 13/ Taking advantage of others for profit (14): Ex “Thấy bở đào, thấy mềm đục” 14/ Flattering, bending for benefit (8): Ex “Ơm chân nấp bóng”; “Vào luồn cúi” 15/ Behavior without reciprocity, calculating for benefit (10): Ex “Ăn vả, trả sung” 16/ Treachery and ingratitude (56): Ex “Ăn cháo đái bát”; “Chưa khỏi vịng cong đi” 17/ Come together for the money, not for affection and gratitude (14): Ex “Giàu người hợp, khó người tan”; “Tiền tài tận, nhân nghĩa vong” 18/ Forgetting righteousness for benefit; appreciating money more than affection and gratitude (5): Ex “Nhân nghĩa nhân nghĩa tiền”; “Kiến lợi vong ngãi” 19/ Contempt for others, not having both feet on the ground (32): Ex “Mục hạ vô nhân” 20/ Immoderate and unreasonable behavior (10): Ex “Được đằng chân lân đằng đầu” 21/ Selfish, narrow-minded behavior (18): Ex “Chẳng ăn đẩy bè sơng” 22/ Greed and plundering others’ something (4): Ex “Ăn cơm hết phần chó” 23/ Ambiguous and unclear behavior (3): Ex “Vơ đũa nắm”; “Hòa làng” 24/ Arbitrary behavior without consideration of order (5): Ex “Cá mè lứa, cá đối đầu” 25/ Exaggerating, partial and subjective evaluating (21): Ex “Không ưa đổ thừa cho xấu” 26/ Imitating or aping others ridiculously (18): Ex “Màn treo lưới rách treo” 27/ Behavior of finding fault or picking to pieces (15): Ex “Chẳng ưa dưa có dịi” 28/ Disparaging and pointing the bad mutually (11): Ex “Lươn ngắn lại chê chạch dài” 29/ Envying and hating each other (4): Ex “Trâu buộc ghét trâu ăn” 30/ Tale bearing and gossiping (2): Vd “Ăn cơm nhà kháo cà nhà kia” 31/ Malicious behavior (13): - Destroying one’s love (4): Ex “Chia uyên rẽ thúy” - Inciting others to bad things (4): Ex “Lưỡi vị độc q ong, xui người tan hợp, rứt lòng nghĩa nhân” - Destroying one’s work (5): Ex “Thọc gậy bánh xe” 32/ Counting on power to be imperious to despise others (12): “Có tiền xiên lên mặt” c/ The behavior without particular praising or criticizing attitude of the folk 1/ Self-knowing, not interfering or comparing with others (34): Ex “Ai đầy nồi ấy” 2/ Excessive respecting results in dependence (10): Ex “Ăn xôi chùa ngọng miệng” 3/ Respecting this one results in respecting the related one (6): Ex “Vị thần phải nể đa” 4/ Flexible behavior depending on the objects and circumstances (31): Ex “Đi với Bụt mặc áo cà sa, với ma mặc áo giấy”; “Lịch chơi cho liền, vơ dun chơi bận” We found that the amount of topics of negative behavior mentioned is greater than the one of positive behavior (32 topics compared with 19 topics); the number of units of idiom and proverb reflecting negative behavior is larger than the one reflecting positive behavior (430 units compared with 323 ones) In general, the folk obviously expressed praising and criticizing attitude towards the behavior reflected, there are only topics with 81 units of idiom and proverb in which evaluation attitude of the folk is not particular: Positive Negative Without implication of particular attitude of the folk The quantity of behaviors 19 32 The quantity of units of idiom and proverb reflecting behaviors 323 430 81 This means that the topic of behavior described, named and enclosed implication of criticizing, disparaging is more abundant and variety than the one mentioned and enclosed implication of praising or complimenting Considering these positive topics in more general way, we can generalize them into four topics of Vietnam behavior reflected with positive attitude as follows: Loving human / Behaving with physical and mental reciprocity / Behaving skillfully and moderately / Appreciating honesty and harmony, resulting in quiet-seeking attitude Through four general Topics above, we can see that Vietnamese people specially attach great importance to affection and gratitude in behavior among people in society In each topic, the general behavior of affection and gratitude is expressed in different aspects but overall, it is love, harmony, moderation in behavior, and a sense of gratitude and repaying one’s favor Although love, empathy, sharing (merely emotionally) towards human are behaviors praised the first, Vietnamese people always direct fairness in the behavior expressed through moderation and reciprocity (inclining to reason) Obviously, Vietnamese people propose and support behaviors of affection and gratitude but according to spirit of moderation, reasonableness without making absolute Additionally, with psychology of quiet-seeking and maximum avoiding friction, nuisance, Vietnamese people always advocate defense, even making concessions, compromises to protect themselves Similarly, we can generalize that Vietnamese people prefer to reflect behaviors of ingratitude, harming or hurting people and moderation with evaluation attitude of criticizing and disparaging This is quite logical and compatible to the preferable positive behavior reflected by Vietnamese as analysis above It is behavior of self-knowing, not interfering or comparing with others (34) and flexible behavior depending on the objects and circumstances (31) which occupy a quite concentrated number of idiom and proverb units mentioning behavior We consider they are behaviors that the folk propose but we not see particularly or clearly in which the attitude of praising or criticizing With the behavior of self-knowing, not interfering or comparing with others, on the one hand, Vietnamese people show their opinions of independent living, affirming ego and being not influenced by other individuals; on the other hand, they express psychology of indifference regardless of people or things around, and uncompetitive spirit or desire for progress, instead of self-satisfaction of themselves Besides, Vietnamese people seem to understand very clearly and have sense of the diversity and liveliness of human life, so they always admit all difference to adapt Idiom and proverb refer much to changes of circumstances, humans, since then advising people not to uptight a principle instead of behaving based on particular situations and particular time 3.3 Vietnamese behavior in unequal relationships 3.3.1 Behavior between teachers and students For Vietnamese people, affection and gratitude between teachers and students is the most important thing in this relationship The quantity of units of idiom and proverb reflecting teachers’ behavior towards students is very modest compared with the one reflecting opposite behavior (2 units compared with 11 ones) This shows that the folk mainly emphasis on students’ obligation to respect, to be grateful and civil towards teachers People thinking and behaving like that is considered students with affection and gratitude while, people contrasting with this national morality is disloyal and reprehensible 3.3.2 Behavior in the relationship between courtiers and civilians a/ Behavior of courtiers towards civilians Surveying data, we found that there are 25 units of idiom and proverb reflecting behavior of courtiers towards civilians, in which negative behavior occurs in 22 units, occupying mostly overwhelming number compared with the number of units reflecting positive behavior (only units) The most popular behavior of courtiers towards civilians is counting on their power to harass, exploit civilian population for personal benefit (9 units): Ex “Đi đến đâu chết trâu đến đấy” Courtiers have behavior violating law and human morality seriously (7 units): using money to trade office and title “Mua danh bán tước”; enforcing law is also based on the money: “Có tiền nới cùm, khơng tiền niêm chặt”, or based on personal relationship: “Con thím xã đánh nhả cơm ra, ơng bà tha khơng đánh”… The folk exposed their faithless and unreliable nature through the units of idiom and proverb reflecting the arbitrary or devious behavior regardless of right and wrong such as: “Miệng quan trôn trẻ”… Besides negative and critical behavior of mandarins reflected, there are still committed and diligence behavior of courtiers with morality mentioned in only units: “Ăn phủ, ngủ công đường”; “Thăm nghèo hỏi khổ”; “Tiên ưu hậu lạc” This shows that the folk have no partial or one-sided view of mandarins; they not entirely despise all the ruling system instead of still recognizing and praising good individuals b/ Behavior of civilians towards courtiers The main behavior of civilians towards courtiers is despising and criticizing, simultaneously, this is the attitude expressed with the most number of units of idiom and proverb (12 units) In the folk’s eyes, portraits of courtiers representing for ruling class are distorted and slovenly from appearance to human digni: “Ban ngày quan lớn thần, ban đêm quan lớn tần mần ma”… The folk continue to protest and fighting back courtiers with behavior of indifference, coldness and insubordination or active seeking ways to delay or avoid the official affairs (6 units): “Quan cần dân trễ”; “Quan cần mà dân chẳng vội”; “Quan vội, quan lội quan đi”… We can see clearly the psychology of ignoring or avoiding the ruling class of Vietnamese people They ensconce into familial and personal life, not caring about politics or mandarinate to direct a regular, quiet and safe life, to avoid involvement in the law and official affairs However, the folk still give equal assessments to courtiers with certain respect (3 units): “Khôn nên quan, gan nên giàu”; “Quan có dạng, tướng có hình”; “Vua quan trọng, đức bà yêu” It can be seen that the relationship between the courtiers and civilians is the relationship with contradictions of both social status and economic interests Behavior of these two subjects towards each other is quite correlative: while behavior of courtiers towards civilians is harassing, exploiting and oppressing, the one of the latter to the former is satirizing, despising and resenting However, the Vietnamese not struggle to resolve the conflict by specific actions; the protests are mainly expressed through indifferent attitude, avoiding or finding ways to not be involved in official affairs The most powerful attitude is only straight indicating the nature of robberies of courtiers, in addition to not giving any other particular form of fierce struggle It can be said that Vietnamese people recognize social injustice as well as evil face of courtiers but they response them by the trend of avoiding, not caring to self-protect instead of trying to purify society by finding out the ways to exterminate that injustice and evil However, it is easy to see that Vietnamese people consider courtiers quite equally, in both positive and negative side to express suitable attitude of respect or contempt This is behavior of moderation and compassion 3.3.3 Behavior in the relationship between employers and employees Employers and employees are in opposition on economy and social position The folk claim that: “Mẹ chồng nàng dâu, chủ nhà người yêu bao giờ”, it means that in this relationship, there is not harmony, love instead of distance Regarding the behavior of employers towards employees, we found that there are two degrees and to ways of behavior First of all, employers mistreat, oppress and exploit employees’ labor: Ex.“Cơm tới mồm giật không cho ăn” In this case, employees were taken advantage, exploited labor, even treated cruelly and inhumanly The conflict lies not only in terms of economic rights, but also in the perspective of morality and sentiment According to the folk, the kindness of employees is only fairly behavior in paying: Ex “Con ruột thương roi, địi áo với cơm” In terms of behavior of employees towards employers, firstly, it is awareness of responsibility and reciprocity (3 units): “Bớt đồng bớt cù lao, bớt ăn bớt uống tao bớt làm”; “Tốt đồng tốt cù lao” In which, the factor of reciprocity is raised firstly in behavior of them However, affection and gratitude still referred to in this relationship is expressed through unfaithful and reprehensible behavior: “Cha bỏ con, đầy tớ bỏ thầy”; “Chim nhớ cây, tớ quên thầy”; “Thay thầy đổi chủ” But, this problem is set for employees towards employers without opposite trend Thus, it is seen that in sense of poor labor, the relationship between them and employers is not absolute fair with reciprocity but it contains gratitude Loyalty, gratitude is also seen as a duty for all employees towards their hosts To enjoy comfortable atmosphere with the hosts, employees should behave flexibly and skillfully: “Khi ăn tùy chủ, ngủ tùy con” 3.3.4 Behavior in the relationship with old people and children There are very few units of idiom and proverb mentioning Vietnamese behavior with old people and children As our finding, there are only 12 units with this content pretty clearly reflected, in which the general behavior is expressed in this idiom: “Kính già, yêu trẻ”; “Trẻ nên tha, già nên thương” Towards both old people and children, general attitude of Vietnamese people is completely believing (3 units): “Đi hỏi già, nhà hỏi trẻ” (The old people and children are trustworthy.) Children are always in treasure and care (4 units): Ex “Trẻ nhà người trẻ nhà ta”… Towards the old people, Vietnamese people always show respecting and appreciating attitude (5 units): Ex “Kính già già để tuổi cho”… Besides, skillfulness and carefulness in each word is necessary in treatment to old people: “Dưỡng lão khất ngôn” However, there is also behavior of young people towards the old ones considered not good or opposite to tradition and morality It is when the young people are arrogant instead of being modest to learn more: “Trứng khôn vịt”; “Trứng khôn rận” Vietnamese people respect age and sometimes high or low rank is created by age Therefore, appreciating the old people is considered a fine tradition of Vietnamese Sub-conclusion It can be seen that social relationships reflected are very variety and complicated, including equal and unequal ones However, the number of units of idiom and proverb reflecting behavior in particular relationships such as: the one among friends, among neighbors; between male and female; between employers and employees; between courtiers and civilians is much less than the one referring to behavior among individuals in general in society (only approximately one fourth) In all these particular relationships, Vietnamese people continue to praise behavioral way of affection and gratitude, to direct to moderation in behavior: moderation in recognition, assessments, as well as in personal treatment to the others Specially, with 834 units of idiom and proverb reflecting behavior among individuals in Vietnamese society, after dividing them into groups, we found that: occupying the most quantity is group of idiom and proverb reflecting negative behavior with 32 topics including 430 units, followed by the one of positive behavior with 19 topics including 323 units The one without assessment attitude of the folk occupies modest number with only topics, including 81 units Vietnamese people mainly praise behavior of affection and gratitude, harmony and moderation, directing to fairness and reciprocity in behavior of individuals Accordingly, they prefer to criticize behavior of ungratefulness, hurting people and immoderation Addition to this, they propose personal behavior with psychology of quietseeking, hesitating to face conflict and with flexibility CONCLUSION Idiom and proverb are linguistic products as well as means of communication which are the most social compared with other means of language This results from that it contains itself many traditional elements and it is used very flexibly (as both a linguistic unit and a verbal unit according to understanding of Saussure) Especially, in process of formation and development, as a general rule, language also reflects cultural factors, the thinking of certain communities Particularly, with Vietnamese people, the lessons and behavioral experiences in life were summarized and reflected in these elements of folk literature which is popularized by oral method Researching familial and social behavior expressed through idioms and proverbs contributes to learn more about national culture, lifestyle and thinking In this thesis, we acquire theory of close relationship between language and culture, in particular aspect, it is understood that language contains cultural spirit of certain community In addition to this, it is theory of the role of idiom and proverb in preserving the folk knowledge and experiences including behavioral lessons and experiences Basing on those general theories, we surveyed Vietnamese idioms and proverbs with the content referring to behavior in family and society from reliable linguistic data and achieve some results as follows: Surveying sources of linguistic data, we found that, in familial behavior, the folk paid the most attention to behavior between parents and children (160 units, with 129 units reflecting the one between parents and offspring), followed by the one between husband and wife (97 units) and other behaviors In general, the quantity of idioms and proverb showing positive behavior is more than the one showing negative behavior Behavior between parents and daughters-in-law, sons-in-law; among sisters-in-law; brothers-in-law; between husband’s siblings and his wife; among relatives is not reflected much In which, the main behavior among relatives is mutual loving, attaching and relying On the contrary, in behavior between family and daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, it is constant conflict between mothers and daughters-in-law, negative behavior among brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law, between husbands’ siblings and his wife which stand out This shows that Vietnamese people prematurely appreciate relationship in nuclear family and promote the role of building harmonious and cozy nuclear family with the main behavior of loving, harmony and mutual responsibility The quantity of units of idiom and proverb reflecting Vietnamese behavior in social relationships we selected in the third chapter is 1081 units; in which, the number of units referring to behavior in particular relationships is much less than the one mentioning behavior among individuals in general (247 units compared with 834 ones) This one more time affirms generalization of idiom and proverb as well as the diversity, complexity of innumerable relationships in society in which idiom and proverb are unable to absolutely reflect all behaviors Regarding to equal and unequal relationships, in particular, the behavior between teachers and students; among friends; between courtiers and civilians; between employers and employees;… are only basic, popular and relatively particular behaviors Additionally, there are still behavioral principles among individuals in society without setting in any clear relationship In this thesis, we selected 1432 units of idiom and proverb, in which there are 351 units (24,5 %) with the content of Vietnamese behavior in familial relationships and 1081 units (75,5%) with the one in social relationships Therefore, it is seen that although family scale is much smaller than society scale but social relationships are many times more abundant and complicated than familial one, Vietnamese people still used not little number of idioms and proverbs (more than one fourth) referring to behavior in familial relationships Obviously, to Vietnamese people, family plays a very important role for each individual; building behaviors according to social norms from each family is extremely concerned by them And despite of being within family or society, Vietnamese people also appreciate above all the behaviors of affection and gratitude, loving human and harmony Also of 1432 units of idiom and proverb reflecting Vietnamese behavior we surveyed, we recognize that there is a not little part of them (444 units corresponding 31%) does not purpose to directly describe behavior In which, particularly, with the content of Vietnamese behavior in familial relationships, the quantity of units in this part reaches 51% In these units, the folk conveyed comments or assessments towards behavior or raised lessons, advice or behavioral standards people need to direct rather than describing stating particular behaviors This is suitable for the feature of idiom and proverb, especially of proverb which is summarizing experiences into educational lessons as well as raising behavioral patterns for people to imitate or to avoid in life Properties of education, warning and making orientations are showed clearly in these units of idiom and proverb In summary, after selecting and surveying 1432 units of idiom and proverb with the content reflecting Vietnamese behavior, we divided them into familial relationships (including basic relationships: the one between wife – husband; parents – children and among brothers and sisters) and social relationships (including equal relationships: the one among friends, neighbors, individuals in society, between male – female and unequal one: the one between teachers –students; employers – employees; the one with old people and kids) In each particular relationship, we tried to clarify Vietnamese awareness and assessments about it, possible methods to maintain and develop it as well as the folk’s attitude of praising and complimenting towards behavior reflected in those relationships Since then, we found out Vietnamese characteristics of traditional behavior in each certain relationship as presenting above and the one in all relationships To specify, it is behavior of affection and gratitude, moderation, loving human and appreciating harmony In a community or a society, behavior is always a problem people concern about With the same phenomenon or fact, each person, each ethnic group or each nation has distinctive way of behavior Therefore, behavior is human and national problem as well as a kind of art Way of behavior reflects cultural level, features of ethnic groups and era In this thesis, we research Vietnamese behavior through the 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To specify, women always accept all vices or defects of their men Ex: “Ngu si thể chồng ta, giẫu khôn khéo chồng người? ?? And they determine not to get married twice: “Gái chuyên chẳng lấy hai... ngoan giết chó khun chồng, giai khơn mài dao dạy vợ” With the later, her behavior is gentle and soft but with the former, his one towards his wife is conducted more strongly and decisively Husband’s... cậu, chồng dì, ba người chết khơng tang”; or the relationship with the wife of father’s younger brother is closer than one with the wife of mother’s younger brother: “Cậu chết mợ người dưng, tơi