322 PART TWO - PURPOSES, MODES, AND STRATEGIES rather than fuzzy or vague. If, for example, your family dog had become lost, you wouldn’t call the animal shelter and ask if they’d seen a “big brown dog with a short tail”—naturally, you’d mention every distinguishing detail about your pet you could think of: size, color, breed, cut of ears, and special mark- ings. Similarly, if your car was stolen, you’d give the police as clear and as complete a description of your vehicle as possible. Look at the following para- graph. Does it fully tell what a vaulting horse is? A vaulting horse is a thing usually found in gyms that has four legs and a beam and is used by gymnasts making jumps. If you didn’t already know what a vaulting horse was, you might have trou- ble picking it out in a gymnasium crowded with equipment. A description with additional details would help you locate it: A vaulting horse is a piece of equipment used by gymnasts during com- petition to help propel them into the air when they perform any of a variety of leaps known as vaults. The gymnasts usually approach the vaulting horse from a running start and then place their hands on the horse for sup- port or for a push off as they perform their vaults. The horse itself resem- bles a carpenter’s sawhorse, but the main beam is made of padded leather rather than wood. The rectangular beam is approximately 5 feet, 3 inches long and 13 1 ⁄2 inches wide. Supported by four legs usually made of steel, the padded leather beam is approximately 4 feet, 1 ⁄2 inch above the floor in men’s competitions and 3 feet, 7 inches in women’s competitions. The padded leather beam has two white lines marking off three sections on top: the croup, the saddle, and the neck. The two end sections—the croup and the neck—are each 15 1 ⁄2 inches long. Gymnasts place their hands on the neck or croup, depending on the type of vault they are attempting. Moreover, the reader cannot imagine your subject clearly if your descrip- tion is couched in vague generalities. The following sentence, for example, presents only a hazy picture: Larry is a sloppy dresser. Revised, the picture is now sharply in focus: Larry wears dirty, baggy pants, shirts too small to stay tucked in, socks that fail to match his pants or each other, and a stained coat the Salvation Army rejected as a donation. Specific details can turn cloudy prose into crisp, clear images that can be reproduced in the mind like photographs. CHAPTER 11 - DESCRIPTION 323 Select only appropriate details. In any description the choice of details depends largely on the writer’s purpose and audience. However, many de- scriptions—especially the more subjective ones—will present a dominant im- pression; that is, the writer selects only those details that communicate a particular mood or feeling to the reader. The dominant impression is the con- trolling focus of a description; for example, if you wrote a description of your grandmother to show her thoughtfulness, you would select only those details that convey an impression of a sweet, kindly old lady. Here are two brief de- scriptions illustrating the concept of dominant impression. The first writer tries to create a mood of mystery: Down a black winding road stands the abandoned old mansion, silhou- etted against the cloud-shrouded moon, creaking and moaning in the wet, chill wind. The second writer tries to present a feeling of joy and innocence. A dozen kites filled the spring air, and around the bright picnic tables spread with hot dogs, hamburgers, and slices of watermelon, Tom and Annie played away the warm April day. In the description of the deserted mansion, the writer would have violated the impression of mystery had the sentence read, Down the black winding road stands the abandoned old mansion, sur- rounded by bright, multicolored tulips in early bloom. Including the cheerful flowers as a detail in the description destroys the dominant mood of bleakness and mystery. Similarly, the second example would be spoiled had the writer ended it this way: Tom and Annie played away the warm April day until Tom got so sun- burned he became ill and had to go home. Therefore, remember to select only those details that advance your descrip- tive purpose. Omit any details you consider unimportant or distracting. See if you can determine the dominant impression of each of the following descriptions: The wind had curled up to sleep in the distant mountains. Leaves hung limp and motionless from the silent trees, while birds perched on the branches like little statues. As I sat on the edge of the clearing, holding my breath, I could hear a squirrel scampering through the underbrush. Somewhere far away a dog barked twice, and then the woods were hushed once more. 324 PART TWO - PURPOSES, MODES, AND STRATEGIES This poor thing has seen better days, but one should expect the sofa in a fraternity house den to be well worn. The large, plump, brown cor- duroy pillows strewn lazily on the floor and propped comfortably against the threadbare arms bear the pencil-point scars of frustrated students and foam-bleeding cuts of multiple pillow wars. No less than four pairs of rotting Nikes stand twenty-four-hour guard at the corners of its carefully mended frame. Obviously the relaxed, inviting appearance masks the per- manent odors of cheap cigars and Michelob from Thursday night poker parties; at least two or three guests each weekend sift through the pop- corn kernels and Doritos crumbs, sprawl face down, and pass out for the duration. However, frequent inhabitants have learned to avoid the dark stains courtesy of the house pup and the red-punch designs of the chapter klutz. Habitually, they strategically lunge over the back of the sofa to an unsoiled area easily identifiable in flight by the large depression left by previous regulars. The quiet hmmph of the cushions and harmonious squeal of the exhausted springs signal a perfect landing and utter a warm greeting from an old and faithful friend. Make your descriptions vivid. By using clear, precise words, you can im- prove any kind of writing. Chapters 7 (on words) and 6 (on sentences) offer a variety of tips on clarifying your prose style. In addition to the advice given there, here are two other ways to enliven your descriptions, particularly those that call for a subjective approach: Use sensory details. If it’s appropriate, try using images that appeal to your readers’ five senses. If, for example, you are describing your broken leg and the ensuing stay in a hospital, tell your readers how the place smelled, how it looked, what your cast felt like, how your pills tasted, and what noises you heard. Here are some specific examples using sensory details: Sight The clean white corridors of the hospital resembled the set of a sci-fi movie, with everyone scurrying around in identical starched uniforms. Hearing At night, the only sounds I heard were the quiet squeakings of sen- sible white shoes as the nurses made their rounds. Smell The green beans on the hospital cafeteria tray smelled stale and waxy, like crayons. Touch The hospital bed sheet felt as rough and heavy as a feed sack. Taste Every four hours they gave me an enormous gray pill whose after- taste reminded me of the stale licorice my grandmother kept in candy dishes around her house. By appealing to the readers’ senses, you better enable them to identify with and imagine the subject you are describing. Joseph Conrad, the famous nineteenth-century novelist, agreed, believing that all art “appeals primarily CHAPTER 11 - DESCRIPTION 325 to the senses, and the artistic aim when expressing itself in written words must also make its appeal through the senses, if its highest desire is to reach the secret spring of responsive emotions.” In other words, to make your read- ers feel, first make them “see.” Use figurative language when appropriate. As you may recall from Chapter 7, figurative language produces images or pictures in the readers’ minds, help- ing them to understand unfamiliar or abstract subjects. Here are some devices you might use to clarify or spice up your prose: 1. Simile: a comparison between two things using the words “like” or “as” (see also pages 167–168) Example Seeing exactly the shirt he wanted, he moved as quickly as a starving teenager spotting pie in a refrigerator full of leftover vegetables. 2. Metaphor: a direct comparison between two things that does not use “like” or “as” (see also pages 167–168) Example After the holidays, her body resembled the “before” shots in every diet ad she’d ever seen. 3. Personification: the attribution of human characteristics and emotions to inanimate objects, animals, or abstract ideas Example The old teddy bear sat in a corner, dozing serenely before the fireplace. 4. Hyperbole: intentional exaggeration or overstatement Example He was so lazy he worked nights as a futon. 5. Understatement: intentional representation of a subject as less impor- tant than the facts would warrant (see also irony, page 153) Example “The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.”—Mark Twain 6. Synecdoche: a part of something used to represent the whole Example A hundred tired feet hit the dance floor for one last jitterbug. [Here “feet” stand for the dancing couples themselves.] Using figures of speech in appropriate places can make your descriptions clear, lively, and memorable. Problems to Avoid Keep in mind these three pieces of advice to solve problems that fre- quently arise in description: 326 PART TWO - PURPOSES, MODES, AND STRATEGIES Remember your audience. Sometimes the object of our description is so clear in our minds we forget that our readers haven’t seen it, too. Conse- quently, the description we write turns out to be vague, bland, or skimpy. Ask yourself about your audience: what do they need to know to see this sight as clearly as I do? Then fill in your description with ample, precise details that reveal the best picture possible. Don’t forget to define or explain any terms you use that may be puzzling to your audience. Avoid an erratic organization of details. Too often descriptions are a hodgepodge of details, jotted down randomly. When you write a lengthy de- scription, you should select a plan that will arrange your details in an orderly fashion. Depending on your subject matter and your purpose, you might adopt a plan calling for a description of something from top to bottom, left to right, front to back, and so on. For example, a description of a woman might begin at the head and move to the feet; furniture in a room might be described as your eyes move from one side of the room to another. A second plan for arranging details presents the subject’s outstanding characteristics first and then fills in the lesser information; a child’s red hair, for example, might be his most strik- ing feature and therefore would be described first. A third plan presents de- tails in the order you see them approaching: dust, then a car, then details about the car, its occupants, and so on. Or you might describe a subject as it unfolds chronologically, as in some kind of process or operation. Regardless of which plan of organization you choose, the reader should feel a sense of order in your description. Avoid any sudden change in perspective. If, for example, you are describ- ing the White House from the outside, don’t suddenly include details that could be seen only from inside. Similarly, if you are describing a car from a distance, you might be able to tell the car’s model, year, and color, but you could hardly describe the upholstery or reveal the mileage. It is, of course, possible for you—or your observer—to approach or move around the subject of your description, but the reader must be aware of this movement. Any shift in point of view must be presented clearly and logically, with no sudden, con- fusing leaps from a front to a back view, from outside to inside, and so on. ESSAY TOPICS Here are some suggestions for a descriptive paragraph or essay; narrow your topic to fit your assignment. Don’t forget that every description, whether ob- jective or subjective, has a purpose and that every detail should support that purpose. For additional ideas, see “Suggestions for Writing” following the pro- fessional essay (page 336). 1. A building or place you’re fond of 2. Your best/worst job ✒ CHAPTER 11 - DESCRIPTION 327 3. A piece of equipment important to your major, a hobby, or favorite sport 4. A campus or local character 5. One dish or foodstuff that should be forever banned 6. The most creative area of your life 7. Your most precious material possession 8. The ugliest/most beautiful place on your campus or in town 9. A holiday dinner or ritual in your home 10. Your first or worst car or apartment 11. A piece of clothing that reveals the real “you” 12. A product that needs to be invented 13. An act of heroism or personal success 14. A favorite painting, sculpture, or other art object 15. An unforgettable moment 16. An event, element, or critter in nature 17. A shopping mall, student cafeteria, or other crowded public place 18. The inside of your refrigerator, closet, or some other equally loath- some place in your home 19. A special collection or hobby display 20. The best beach, ski slope, hiking trail, or other recreation spot A Topic Proposal for Your Essay Selecting the right subject matter is important to every writer. To help you clarify your ideas and strengthen your commitment to your topic, here is a proposal sheet that asks you to describe some of your preliminary ideas about your subject before you begin drafting. Although your ideas may change as you write (they will almost certainly become more refined), thinking through your choice of topic now may help you avoid several false starts. 1. What subject will your essay describe? Will you describe this subject objectively or subjectively? Why? 2. Why are you interested in this topic? Do you have a personal or profes- sional connection to the subject? State at least one reason for your choice of topic. 328 PART TWO - PURPOSES, MODES, AND STRATEGIES 3. Is this a significant topic of interest to others? Why? Who specifically might find it interesting, informative, or entertaining? 4. In one or two sentences describe the major effect you’d like your de- scriptive essay to have on your readers. What would you like for them to understand or “see” about your subject? 5. List at least three details that you think will help clarify your subject for your readers. 6. What difficulties, if any, might arise during drafting? For example, what organizational strategy might you think about now that would allow you to guide your readers through your description in a coherent way? CHAPTER 11 - DESCRIPTION 329 SAMPLE STUDENT ESSAY In her descriptive essay, this student writer recalls her childhood days at the home of her grandparents to make a point about growing up. Notice that the writer uses both figurative language and contrasting images to help her read- ers understand her point of view. TREECLIMBING 1 It was Mike’s eighteenth birthday and he was having a little bit of a breakdown. “When was the last time you made cloud pictures?” he asked me absently as he stared up at the ceiling before class started. Before I could answer, he continued, “Did you know that by the time you’re an adult, you’ve lost 85 percent of your imagination?” He paused. “I don’t want to grow up.” Although I doubted the authenticity of his facts, I understood that Mike—the hopeless romantic with his long ponytail, sullen black clothes, and glinting dark eyes—was caught in a Peter Pan complex. He drew those eyes from the ceiling and focused on me. “There are two types of children. Tree children and dirt children. Kids playing will either climb trees or play in the dirt. Tree children are the dreamers—the hopeful, creative dreamers. Dirt children, they just stay on the ground. Stick to the rules,” he trailed off, and then picked up again. “I’m a tree child. I want to make cloud pictures and climb trees. And I don’t ever want to come down.” Mike’s story reminded me of my own days as a tree child, and of the inevitable fall from the tree to the ground. 2 My childhood was a playground for imagination. Summers were spent surrounded by family at my grandparents’ house in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The Introduction: The conversation that triggers her memory 330 PART TWO - PURPOSES, MODES, AND STRATEGIES rambling Lannonstone bungalow was located on North 46th Street at Burleigh, a block away from center-city Milwaukee, two blocks from Schuster’s department store and the Pfister hotel. In the winter, all the houses looked alike, rigid and militant, like white-bearded old generals with icicles hanging from their moustaches. One European-styled house after the other lined the streets in strict parallel formation, block after block. 3 But in the summer it was different . . . softer. No subzero winds blew lonely down the back alley. Instead, kids played stickball in it. I had elegant, grass-stained tea parties with a neighborhood girl named Shelly, while my grandfather worked in his thriving vegetable garden among the honeybees, and watched things grow. An ever-present warming smell of yeast filtered down every street as the nearby breweries pumped a constant flow of fresh beer. Looking up, the summer sky looked like an Easter egg God had dipped in blue dye. 4 Those summer trips to Milwaukee were greatly anticipated events back then. My brother and I itched with repressed energy throughout the long plane ride from the West Coast. We couldn’t wait to see Grandma and Papa. We couldn’t wait to see what presents Papa had for us. We couldn’t wait to slide down the steep, blue-carpeted staircase on our bottoms, and then on our stomachs. Most of all, we couldn’t wait to go down to the basement. 5 The basement was better than a toy store. Yes, the old- fashioned milk chute in the kitchen wall was enchanting, and the laundry chute was fun because it was big enough to throw down Ernie, my stuffed dog companion, so my brother could catch him below in the laundry room, as our voices echoed up and down the chute. But the basement Use of parallel sentences to emphasize anticipation The grandparents’ neighborhood remembered in military images and sensory details CHAPTER 11 - DESCRIPTION 331 was better than all of these, better even than sliding down those stairs on rug-burned bottoms. 6 It was always deliciously cool down in the basement. Since the house was built in the ’30s, there was no air conditioning. Upstairs, we slept in hot, heavy rooms. My nightgown stuck to the sheets, and I would lie awake, listening to crickets, inhaling the beer-sweet smell of the summer night, hoping for a cool breeze. Nights were forgotten, however, as my brother and I spent hours every day in the basement. There were seven rooms in the basement; some darker rooms I had waited years to explore. There was always a jumbled heap of toys in the middle room, most of which were leftovers from my father’s own basement days. It was a child’s safe haven; it was a sacred place. 7 The times spent in the basement were times of a gloriously secure childhood. Empires were created in a day with faded colored building blocks. New territories were annexed when either my brother or I got the courage to venture into one of those Other Rooms—the dark, musty ones without windows—and then scamper back to report of any sightings of monsters or other horrific childhood creatures. In those basement days everything seemed safe and wholesome and secure, with my family surrounding me, protecting me. Like childhood itself, entering the basement was like entering another dimension. 8 Last summer I returned to Milwaukee to help my grandparents pack to move into an apartment. I went back at 17 to find the house—my kingdom—up for sale. I found another cycle coming to a close, and I found myself separated from what I had once known. I looked at the The house and neighborhood years later Adventures in the basement The basement in contrast to other parts of the house [...]... much to Mike’s disappointment, quite mature, quite adult Maybe Mike fell from his tree Conclusion: A return to the introduction’s images and some advice and got bruised Climbing down from that tree doesn’t have to be something to be afraid of One needn’t hide in the tree for fear of touching the ground and forgetting how to climb back up when necessary I think CHAPTER 11 - DESCRIPTION there is a way to. .. assistant How was I supposed to get that little demon out of his cage? Jack had casually requested that I bring Smokey to the surgery room, but did he really expect me to put my hands into the cage of that devil dog? I suppose it must have been my anxious expression that saved me, for as I turned uncertainly toward the kennel, Jack chuckled nonchalantly and accompanied me to demonstrate how professionals... leather cup to the dog’s nose, the more violent did Smokey’s contortions and rage-filled cries become and the more frantic our efforts became to try to keep our feet and fingers clear of the angry jaws Deciding that a firmer method had to be used, Jack instructed me to raise the rope up high enough so that Smokey’d have to stand on his hind legs This greatly reduced his maneuverability but served to increase... nor did it occur to me that Momma might have asked her to give me a little talking to All I cared about was that she had made tea cookies for me and read to me from her favorite book It was enough to prove that she liked me Questions on Content, Structure, and Style 1 What is Angelou’s main purpose in this narrative? What does she want to show about Sister Flowers’ effect on her? 2 How does Angelou... pages 450–453 CHAPTER 13 - WRITING ESSAYS USING MULTIPLE STRATEGIES 9 Narrative: Would a story best illustrate some idea or aspect of my subject? Try using these questions as prompts to help you generate ideas and select those strategies that best accomplish your purpose Problems to Avoid Avoid overkill Being prepared to use any of the writing strategies is akin to carrying many tools in your carpenter’s... or “Later that evening, around nine o’clock ” In short, keep the story moving quickly enough to hold the readers’ interest Moreover, use a variety of transition devices to move the readers from one action to another; don’t rely continuously on the “and then and then ” method ✒ ESSAY TOPICS Use one of the following topics to suggest an essay that is developed by narration Remember that each... out of ) trouble 20 An episode marking your passage from one stage of your life to another CHAPTER 12 - NARRATION A Topic Proposal for Your Essay Selecting the right subject matter is important to every writer To help you clarify your ideas and strengthen your commitment to your topic, here is a proposal sheet that asks you to describe some of your preliminary ideas about your subject before you begin... any, might this narrative present as you are drafting? For example, if the story you want to tell is long or complex, how might you focus on the main action and pace it appropriately? 343 344 PART TWO - PURPOSES, MODES, AND STRATEGIES SAMPLE STUDENT ESSAY In this narrative a student uses a story about a sick but fierce dog to show how she learned a valuable lesson in her job as a veterinarian’s assistant... would have for anyone who is about to become an octogenarian Her back is a little bent, and she complains occasionally about her hip Her biggest concession to the aging process, however, is that she has had to lighten * To help you read this essay analytically, review pages 176–178 For two other professional essays in Part Two that make extensive use of description, see To Bid the World Farewell” and... and moved the struggling creature out onto the floor The fight had only just begun for Smokey, however, and he braced his feet against the slippery linoleum tiling and forced us to drag him, like a little pull toy on a string, to the surgery The difficulty of moving the dog to the surger y room 346 PART TWO - PURPOSES, MODES, AND STRATEGIES 4 Once in the surgery, however, the question that hung before . a description of something from top to bottom, left to right, front to back, and so on. For example, a description of a woman might begin at the head and move to the feet; furniture in a room. wait to see what presents Papa had for us. We couldn’t wait to slide down the steep, blue-carpeted staircase on our bottoms, and then on our stomachs. Most of all, we couldn’t wait to go down to. summer I returned to Milwaukee to help my grandparents pack to move into an apartment. I went back at 17 to find the house—my kingdom—up for sale. I found another cycle coming to a close, and I