188 Part IV: All You Need to Know about Descriptions and Comparisons 21_599321 ch14.qxp 4/3/06 11:31 PM Page 188 Chapter 15 Going on Location: Placing Descriptions Correctly In This Chapter ᮣ Placing even, only, almost, and similar words ᮣ Avoiding misplaced, dangling, or confusing descriptions M y out-of-town friends always tell me that I can buy a ten-room mansion for the price of a closet in New York City. My standard reply is that location is everything. That statement is as true for descriptive words as it is for home prices. Plop one in the wrong spot, and your meaning may sink like a stone. First, some definitions: Descriptions in English may be composed of one word or, if you like to pour it on, twenty or more. Regardless of length or form, descriptive elements fall into one of two huge categories. They belong in the adjective bin if they describe people, places, things, or ideas (in grammar terms, nouns or pronouns). The adverb family claims them if they describe verbs (action or being words) or other descriptions. Flip to Chapter 14 for a host of practice exercises with basic adjectives and adverbs. The general principle guiding the placement of descriptions is simple: Descriptive words should clearly relate to what they describe. Some sentences give you a bit more leeway than others. Move a descriptive word an inch and the meaning still comes across. But a few words require precision. In this chapter you can practice that precision and, like a real estate agent, concentrate on location, location, location. Little Words Mean a Lot: Situating “Even,” “Only,” and Similar Words The other day I saw a tee shirt that made me want to turn my grammar book into a guided missile. The shirt declared that My Grandma went to NYC and only bought me this lousy tee shirt. Why, as a founding member of Grammarians Anonymous, was I upset? Because the descriptive term only was misplaced. The sentence as written means that Grandma did nothing at all in NYC except buy one tee shirt — no theater, no walk in Central Park — just tee-shirt buying. Little words — only, even, almost, just, nearly, and not — will torpedo the meaning of your sentence if you put them in the wrong spot. Each of these descriptions should precede the word being described. Take a look at these examples: 22_599321 ch15.qxp 4/3/06 11:31 PM Page 189 Even Mary knows that song. (Mary generally sticks to talk radio, but the song is so popular that she recognizes it.) Mary knows even that song. (Mary has 56,098 CDs. She knows every musical work ever written, including the one that the sentence is referring to.) Got the idea? Now take a look at the following sentences. If you find a misplaced description, rewrite the sentence as it should be. If everything is fine and dandy, write “correct” in the blank. Q. My Uncle Fred only pays taxes when he’s in the mood or when the IRS serves an arrest warrant. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ A. My Uncle Fred pays taxes only when he’s in the mood or when the IRS serves an arrest warrant. The only has to move because it makes a comment on the conditions that make Fred pay up (his mood and the times when the IRS puts him in the mood). This descrip- tion should precede the conditions it talks about. The only is not a comment on pays, so it’s out of place in the original. 1. Because she was celebrating an important birthday, Ms. Jonge only gave us ten hours of homework. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 2. The first task nearly seemed impossible: to write an essay about the benefits of getting older. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 3. After I had almost written two pages, my instant message beeped and I put my pen down. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 4. I even figured that Ms. Jonge, the meanest teacher on the planet, would understand the need to take a break. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 5. I made a cup of coffee, but because I’m dieting, I only ate one doughnut and ignored the other three that were silently shouting, “Eat me.” ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 190 Part IV: All You Need to Know about Descriptions and Comparisons 22_599321 ch15.qxp 4/3/06 11:31 PM Page 190 6. My friend Eloise nearly gained three pounds last week just from eating glazed doughnuts. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 7. Eloise, my brother, and I love doughnuts, but all of us do not eat them; Eloise can’t resist. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 8. Eloise even draws the line somewhere, and she seldom munches a chocolate sprinkle out- side of homework time. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 9. After I had sent a text message to Eloise, I returned to my homework and found I only had five tasks left. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 10. Not all the work was boring, and I actually liked the history assignment. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 11. I had to read two chapters about an empire that almost covered half the known world. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 12. The conquerors even invaded countries that had superb defense systems. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 13. The next day I was surprised to hear Ms. Jonge comment that she had almost assigned seven chapters before changing her mind. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 14. “I nearly love all children, except those who fight or scribble on their homework, and I wanted to celebrate my birthday with a homework holiday,” she said. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 191 Chapter 15: Going on Location: Placing Descriptions Correctly 22_599321 ch15.qxp 4/3/06 11:31 PM Page 191 15. I was startled to hear that Ms. Jonge considers ten hours of homework a holiday, but I know that she only wants what’s best for us. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ It Must Be Here Somewhere! Misplaced Descriptions If you’re at a car dealership and want to buy a new car from a sales associate with snow tires, you’re in the right place. Unfortunately, the description — with snow tires — is not, because its current placement attaches it to sales associate and thus indicates a car guy whose feet have been replaced by big round rubber things, not a vehicle you can drive confidently through a storm. This section deals with long descriptions (for the grammar obsessed: prepositional phrases, verbals, and clauses) that sometimes stray from their appointed path. I cover short descriptions — simple adjectives and adverbs — in Chapter 14. To keep your descriptions legal, be sure that they’re very close to the word they describe. Except for a few place or time descriptions, nearly every multiword description directly fol- lows the word it describes, as in these sentences: I want to buy a car with snow tires from a sales associate. (The description with snow tires describes car.) The bread that Lulu baked yesterday is as hard as the rock of Gibraltar. (That Lulu baked yesterday refers to bread.) The leaf shimmering in the sunlight bothers Jeff’s light-sensitive eyes. (The expres- sion shimmering in the sunlight describes the leaf.) These descriptions quickly become absurd if they move slightly. (Imagine the sentence, The bread is as hard as the rock of Gibraltar that Lulu baked yesterday. See what I mean?) When you move a misplaced description, take care not to make another error. For example, if I change I placed a stone in my pocket that I found in the playground to I placed a stone that I found in the playground in my pocket, I have a problem. In the original sentence, I found the pocket in the playground. In the changed sentence, I have a playground in my pocket. The solution is to place a description at the beginning of the sentence: In my pocket I placed a stone that I found in the playground. Check out the following sentences. If all the descriptions are where they should be, write “correct” in the blank. If anything is misplaced, rewrite the sentence in the blanks provided, dropping the description into the right spot. Tip: In addition to moving descriptions, you may have to reword here and there in order to create a sentence that makes sense. Q. Even before she passed the road test, Julie bought a leather license holder that was given only twice a month. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 192 Part IV: All You Need to Know about Descriptions and Comparisons 22_599321 ch15.qxp 4/3/06 11:31 PM Page 192 A. Even before she passed the road test that was given only twice a month, Julie bought a leather license holder. The license holder is available all the time in a leather goods store, but the test shows up only twice a month. Move the description closer to test and you’re all set. 16. Julie passed the eye examination administered by a very near-sighted clerk with flying colors. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 17. The written test inquired about maneuvers for cars skidding on ice. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 18. Another question inquired about defensive driving, which required an essay rather than a multiple-choice response. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 19. About a week after the written portion of the exam, the Department of Motor Vehicles sent a letter giving Julie an appointment for the road test lacking sufficient postage. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 20. Julie asked her sister to drive her to the testing site before the letter arrived. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 21. Julie’s examiner, a nervous man whose foot kept slamming onto an imaginary brake pedal, constantly wrote notes on an official form. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 22. The first page contained details about Julie’s turning technique, which was single-spaced. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 23. Julie hit only two pedestrians and one tree in the middle of a crosswalk. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 193 Chapter 15: Going on Location: Placing Descriptions Correctly 22_599321 ch15.qxp 4/3/06 11:31 PM Page 193 . English may be composed of one word or, if you like to pour it on, twenty or more. Regardless of length or form, descriptive elements fall into one of two huge categories. They belong in the adjective. places, things, or ideas (in grammar terms, nouns or pronouns). The adverb family claims them if they describe verbs (action or being words) or other descriptions. Flip to Chapter 14 for a host of. Descriptions Correctly 22 _599 321 ch15.qxp 4/3/06 11:31 PM Page 191 15. I was startled to hear that Ms. Jonge considers ten hours of homework a holiday, but I know that she only wants what’s best for us. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ It