18. In fact, neither of Elizabeth’s daughters will ask for warts on _______________ nose, choos- ing a tasteful cheek placement instead. 19. A few cheek warts have already appeared in the tabloids because many stars want some- thing dramatic for _______________ publicity photos. 20. Each of the warts chosen by Elizabeth’s daughters has little white spots on _______________. Working for the Man: Pronouns for Companies and Organizations American Telephone and Telegraph (AT&T), Sears Roebuck & Co., the United Nations, and a ton of other businesses or community groups are waiting for the chance to mess up your pronoun choices. How? They cleverly create names that sound plural, and unsurprisingly, many people pair them up with plural pronouns. However, a moment of logical thinking tells you that each is one business and must therefore be referred to by a singular pronoun. Here’s what I mean: Wrong: Saks Fifth Avenue has put their designer lingerie on sale. Why it is wrong: I was there last week and the lingerie was full price. Also, the pronoun their is plural, but Saks, despite the letter s at the end of the name, is sin- gular because it’s one company. Right: Saks sometimes puts its designer lingerie on sale. Why it is right: Now the singular possessive pronoun (its) matches the singular store name (Saks). In the following example and set of practice exercises, choose the correct pronoun for each sentence. Just to keep you alert, I mixed in a couple of sentences in which the pronoun doesn’t refer to a singular company or organization. The same principle applies: Singular matches with singular, and plural matches with plural. Q. Carrie patronizes Meyer and Frank because (she/they) likes (its/their) shoe department, which has a good supply of her favorite size-13 stiletto heels. A. she, its. The first pronoun refers to Carrie, so she, a singular, matches nicely. Carrie is not only singular, but also unique when it comes to shoe size. The second refers to the store, which is singular also and thus merits the singular its. 21. Carrie, who is not noted for logical thinking, believes that the United Countries Association should sell cookies to feed (its/their) “starving” staffers, even if the staffers have been stuffing (itself/himself or herself/themselves) for years. 22. The World Health Maintenance Association (WHMA) answered Carrie’s letter with a sug- gestion of (its/their) own. 23. “Please work locally to overcome starvation,” read the reply. “The WHMA will take care of (its/their) own staff.” 24. Carrie, depressed by her failure to launch a cookie drive, immediately visited Mrs. Moo’s Cookie World to sample (its/their) merchandise. 143 Chapter 11: Choosing the Best Pronoun for a Tricky Sentence 17_599321 ch11.qxp 4/3/06 11:26 PM Page 143 25. About 5,000 calories later, Carrie had completely drowned her sorrows and was ready to take on the WHMA again. “The WHMA needs to do a better job with labor relations. (It/They) won’t win!” she screamed. 26. Because her mouth was full at the time, Carrie choked on a bit of Macadamia Crunch, which (she/it) had saved for last. 27. “I’ll sue Mrs. Moo’s Cookie World and all (its/their) subsidiaries,” vowed Carrie, after she had been revived by a handsome emergency medical technician. 28. “Don’t sue the EMT service,” muttered the technician. “(It/They) can never get enough funding.” 29. “I’m a supporter of the EMT service,” declared Carrie hoarsely because (she/it/they) still had a bit of cookie in (her/its) throat. 30. The technician was so nervous around Carrie that he called the National Institute of Health (NIH) to check (its/their) policy on impacted cookie crumbs. 31. The NIH wrote to the EMT service about the WHMA, and in (its/their) letter the NIH requested additional information. 32. “The NIH cannot speak about individual cookie crumbs, but Mrs. Moo’s Cookie World did report that macadamia nuts are (its/their) most popular ingredient,” read the letter. 33. Carrie’s response was to question the NIH about (its/their) integrity. 34. “I think that Mrs. Moo herself, the founder of Mrs. Moo’s Cookie World, has bribed the NIH, and (it/they) will always rule in favor of those who contribute money,” said Carrie. 35. Mrs. Moo, distressed at Carrie’s accusation, ate 12 cookies to calm herself; (it/they) were delicious. Decoding Who, That, and Which Most pronouns are either singular or plural, masculine or feminine or neuter, popular or unpopular, good at math or barely passing arithmetic. Okay, I went a little too far, but you get the point. The characteristics of most pronouns are fixed. But a couple of pronouns change from singular to plural (or back) and from masculine to feminine without a moment’s pause. Who, which, and that take their meaning and characteris- tics from the sentences in which they appear. Here’s what I mean: May, who was born in April, wants to change her name. (The who is feminine and singular because it replaces the feminine, singular May.) Her sisters, who were named after their birth months of June and August, support May’s changes. (The who is feminine and plural because it replaces sisters.) A change in the meaning of who, which, or that would be an interesting but useless fact except for one issue. Whether a subject pronoun is singular or plural affects what sort of verb (singular or plural) is paired with it. In the preceding sample sentences, the who is paired with was when the who represents May and with were when the who represents sisters. 144 Part III: The Pickier Points of Correct Verb and Pronoun Use 17_599321 ch11.qxp 4/3/06 11:26 PM Page 144 Deciding singular/plural verb issues is especially tough sometimes: She is one of the few quarterbacks who (is/are) ready for prime time. She is the only quarterback who (is/are) negotiating with the Jets. Leaving aside the issue of a female quarterback (hey, it could happen!), the key to this sort of sentence is deciding what the pronoun represents. If who means she, then of course you opt for a singular verb because she is a singular pronoun. But if who means quarterbacks, the verb should be plural, because quarterbacks is plural. Logic tells you the answers: She is one of the few quarterbacks who are ready for prime time. She is the only quarterback who is negotiating with the Jets. How many are ready for prime time? A few quarterbacks are ready — you football fans can make the list — and she’s one of them. The who in the first example clearly stands in for quarterbacks, a plural. In the second example just one person is negotiating — she. Therefore, who is singular and so is the verb paired with it. Catch as many correct verbs as you can in the following example sentence and practice exercises. I promise that at least one of each pair in parentheses is what you want. Q. Kristin is one of the many lawyers on the fishing boat who (want/wants) to catch a shark. A. want. How many lawyers want to catch a shark, according to this sentence? One or more than one? The sentence tells you that quite a lot of lawyers are in that category, so the who stands in for the group of lawyers. Bingo: A plural verb is needed to match the plural who. 36. The shark that Kristin caught was the only one that (was/were) hungry enough to take the odd bait that Kristin offered. 37. The bait that (was/were) on sale at the market when Kristin went shopping was extremely cheap (just like Kristin herself). 38. “I know that there is at least one shark that (likes/like) peanut butter,” reasoned Kristin. 39. Kristin’s fellow shark fans, who (sails/sail) even in the winter, read a lot about these ani- mals on the Internet. 40. The only one of the shark sites that (doesn’t/don’t) appeal to Kristin is the one sponsored by the Stop Fishing Society. 41. Could it be that Kristin is one of the shark fans who (believes/believe) the Great White is a vegetarian? 42. Why did Kristin choose a bait that (is/are) completely unappetizing when dunked in salt water? 43. One of the many experienced sailors who (was/were) laughing at Kristin’s bait exclaimed, “Peanut butter can’t catch anything!” 44. I’m going to take Kristin’s shark to the only taxidermist that (is/are) willing to stuff such a catch. 45. In the mouth of the shark he is planning to mount a jar of one of the many brands of peanut butter that (is/are) shark-friendly. 145 Chapter 11: Choosing the Best Pronoun for a Tricky Sentence 17_599321 ch11.qxp 4/3/06 11:26 PM Page 145 Getting Down to Specifics: Avoiding Improper Pronoun References Pronoun rules are far more rigid than even the U.S. tax code. The underlying princi- ple, that one pronoun may replace one and only one matching noun, bends only a tiny bit by allowing they, for instance, to take the place of more than one name. (Ida, Mary, and Joan, for example, may be replaced by they.) In common, informal speech and writing, pronouns are sometimes sent to fill other roles. But if you’re going for cor- rect, formal English, don’t ask a pronoun to violate the rules. A common error is to ask a pronoun to stand in for an idea expressed by a whole sen- tence or paragraph. (Pronouns can’t replace verbs or noun/verb combos.) The pro- nouns that, which, and this are often misused in this way. Wrong: Jeffrey handed in a late, error-filled report, which annoyed his boss. Why it’s wrong: The pronoun which improperly refers to the whole sentence. In formal English the pronoun has to replace one and only one noun. Right: Jeffrey’s report, which annoyed his boss, was late and error-filled. (Now which refers to report, a noun.) Also right: The fact that Jeffrey’s report was late and error-filled annoyed his boss. (Sometimes the best way to fix one of these sentences is to eliminate the pronoun entirely.) Another common mistake is to send in a pronoun that approaches, but doesn’t match, the noun it’s replacing: Wrong: Jeffrey’s sports marketing course sounds interesting, but I don’t want to be one. Why it’s wrong: One what? Sports marketing course? I don’t think so. The one replaces sports marketer (or sports marketing executive), but the sentence has no noun to match one. Right: Jeffrey’s sports marketing course sounds interesting, but I don’t want to enroll in it. (Now it replaces sports marketing — a better match.) Also right: Jeffrey is studying to become a sports marketer, but I don’t want to be one. (Now one replaces sports marketer.) Fix the pronoun problem in the following example sentence and practice exercises. Some are correct as written. When you find one, write “correct” in the blank. Rewrite the clunkers so that every pronoun refers to an appropriate noun. Remember that sometimes you have to dump the pronoun entirely in order to correct the mistake. Note: The incorrect sentences have more than one answer; in the following example, I show you two possibilities, but in the answers section of this chapter, I provide only one possible answer. Q. Jeffrey’s dream job features a corner office, three-hour lunches, and frequent “research” junkets to Tahiti, which is unlikely given that he has no skill whatsoever. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 146 Part III: The Pickier Points of Correct Verb and Pronoun Use 17_599321 ch11.qxp 4/3/06 11:26 PM Page 146 A. Given that he has no skill whatsoever, Jeffrey is unlikely to get his dream job, which features a corner office, three-hour lunches, and frequent “research” junkets to Tahiti. The preceding sentence is just one possible solution, in which the pronoun which takes the place of job. Here’s another: The fact that Jeffrey has no skill whatsoever makes his dream job, which features a corner office, three-hour lunches, and frequent “research” junkets to Tahiti, unlikely. Any sentence that achieves the goal of one noun out, one pro- noun in is fine. The original doesn’t work because which replaces an entire sentence, Jeffrey’s dream job features a corner office, three-hour lunches, and frequent “research” jun- kets to Tahiti. 46. Jeffrey jogged for an hour in an effort to work off the pounds he had gained during his last three-hour lunch, but this didn’t help. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 47. He’s always admired the superhero’s flat-ab look, but no matter how hard he tries, he can’t be one. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 48. The 15 sit-ups that were prescribed by his exercise coach didn’t help at all. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 49. Jeffrey’s next fitness effort ended in disaster; that did not discourage him. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 50. He simply ignored the arrest warrant and continued to run; this was only a temporary solution. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 51. Next, Jeffrey joined a gym, where he recites Shakespeare’s sonnets, which help him to stay focused. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 52. The great poet inspired Jeffrey to study it also. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 147 Chapter 11: Choosing the Best Pronoun for a Tricky Sentence 17_599321 ch11.qxp 4/3/06 11:26 PM Page 147 53. “No, I did not see the car when I directed my bicycle into the street,” testified Jeffrey, “but that wasn’t the cause of the accident.” ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 54. “The driver was distracted by his cell phone, which rang at the exact moment I started to ride,” explained Jeffrey. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 55. The judge was not impressed by Jeffrey’s testimony and fined him, and Jeffrey paid it. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 56. When Jeffrey paid the fine, the court clerk quoted Shakespeare, which impressed Jeffrey very much. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 57. “I see you are a sonneteer,” commented Jeffrey as he smiled and gave the clerk a romantic look; she wasn’t impressed by this at all. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 58. “Please pay your fine and leave the room,” she roared, and that flattened Jeffrey’s hopes for a Saturday-night date. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 59. The clerk never dates anyone from work, which is a wise policy. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 60. The clerk quotes poetry because she’s hoping to become a literary critic; Jeffrey majored in it in college, so in theory he is a good match for her. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 148 Part III: The Pickier Points of Correct Verb and Pronoun Use 17_599321 ch11.qxp 4/3/06 11:26 PM Page 148 . World to sample (its/their) merchandise. 1 43 Chapter 11: Choosing the Best Pronoun for a Tricky Sentence 17_59 932 1 ch11.qxp 4 /3/ 06 11:26 PM Page 1 43 25. About 5,000 calories later, Carrie had. nuts are (its/their) most popular ingredient,” read the letter. 33 . Carrie’s response was to question the NIH about (its/their) integrity. 34 . “I think that Mrs. Moo herself, the founder of Mrs also. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 147 Chapter 11: Choosing the Best Pronoun for a Tricky Sentence 17_59 932 1 ch11.qxp 4 /3/ 06 11:26 PM Page 147 53. “No, I did not see the car when I directed my bicycle into the street,” testified