27O DICTION Awkward shifts are common with adjectives and adverbs. Usually the problem is leaving off a necessary-/^: She dances beautiful. (For beautifully) They did it satisfactory. (For satisfactorily) A rough rule is that adverbs of three or more syllables end in-ly and that those having one or two syllables are rather idiomatic: some always end m-ly (deadly), others never do (welt), and still others may be used either way (slow or slowly, quick or quickly). On the fringe of barbarism are many trendy words such as finalize and adverbs ending in-wise such as weatherwise, university wise, economywise. There seems little justification for a word like finalize, which says nothing that complete or finish does not say. On the other hand, one can argue that weatherwise is at least more concise than the phrase in regard to the weather. One's tolerance for such terms depends on how liberal or conservative one is with regard to language (or languagewise). Idiom An idiom is a combination of words functioning as a unit of meaning, as in "to take the subway [bus, streetcar] home." Often one or more of the words has a special sense different from its usual meaning and confined to that idiom. Thus to take here means "to get on and travel in." In its idiomatic sense such a word cannot be replaced by any of its usual equivalents: we cannot "carry, bring, or fetch the subway home." Idioms are always a difficulty in learning foreign languages. They are not easily reduced to rules and each must be mem- orized. Even native speakers make mistakes with idioms. The most frequent errors involve verb-preposition combinations: CLARITY AND SIMPLICITY 271 I complained with my parents about their attitude. IDIOMATIC: complained to She concluded in saying IDIOMATIC: concluded by That is where we fool ourselves of our efficiency. IDIOMATIC: fool ourselves about They can't decide what to do with their problem. IDIOMATIC: do about their problem Errors like these probably come from confusing two idioms {complain about and argue with, for example), or from se- lecting an inappropriate one of several possible verb- preposition idioms (we do with physical objects—"What shall we do with this vase?"—but we do about problems, difficulties, abstractions of various kinds—"What shall we do about that crack in the vase?"). Although they are most likely with verbs and prepositions, mistakes in idiom occur with other grammatical patterns. Some verbs, for instance, do not combine idiomatically with certain objects: People only look out for prestige. (Prestige is looked for, valued, esteemed.) Robert Frost gives the image of a silken tent in a field. (Poets create or develop images.) Adjectives and nouns also enter into idiomatic combina- tions: We have a great standard of living. IDIOMATIC: high The English prefer dining-room comedy. IDIOMATIC: drawing-room comedy zyi DICTION Colloquial and Pretentious Diction Colloquialisms are expressions appropriate to informal, con- versational occasions. In writing they may sound out of place: We have a swell professor of mathematics. BETTER: nice, interesting, pleasant Colloquial words are a problem when they fit awkwardly with their contexts or when they are vague. And frequently colloquialisms are vague. (What, for example, does swell mean in the sentence above?) In speech we compensate for verbal vagueness by gestures, tone of voice, the common ground of knowledge and experience we share with our friends. None of these aids to communication is available to the writer. On the other hand, some colloquialisms are remarkably expressive, and these are more acceptable now than they were a generation ago, when writers were more scrupulous about levels of usage. Today, we feel freer to mix formal words and colloquial ones. The result, if controlled by word sense and taste, is a clear gain in precision and variety (italics added in both cases): Joan's voices and visions have played tricks with her reputation. George Bernard Shaw There's another wrinkle to this. Elizabeth janeway An extreme form of colloquialism is slang. We all use slang, and we all recognize it. But we find it very difficult to define. Sometimes slang is an ordinary word given a special meaning: heavy in the sense of serious, or cool in the sense of unper- turbed or a little better than all right. Other slang terms occur only as slang—nerd, for instance. Slang tends to be short-lived: that of one generation sounds silly to the next. (There are exceptions; some slang terms are CLARITY AND SIMPLICITY 2J} notably long-lived—dough, okay.) Slang tends also to be richly suggestive in meaning, conveying a wide range of at- titudes and responses and values in a brief expression (square, hep). But the richness is likely to hide an imprecision: often we feel that a slang term says exactly what we want to say, but we find it very difficult to explain what that something is. Even more than colloquialisms, slang has an air of infor- mality. That tone can be useful, helping to create a good writer-reader relationship or a likable persona. Used intelli- gently, an occasional bit of slang will not only say exactly the right thing but also please us by its novelty (italics added): The authors had a reputation for being jealous of each other's fame and losing no opportunity of putting the boot in [kicking a fallen Opponent] Frank Muir I don't mean to suggest that Segal is as gaga as this book [Love Story]—only that a part of him is. Pauline Kael Pretentiousness Pretentiousness is using big words to no purpose (except per- haps to show off). It results in long-winded, wooden sen- tences filled with deadwood. Shorter, simpler words mean shorter, clearer sentences: Upon receiving an answer in the affirmative, he proceeded to the bulletin board. BETTER: Told yes, he went to the bulletin board. Television shows which demonstrate participation in physical ex- ercise will improve your muscle tone. BETTER: Television exercise shows improve your muscle tone. Remember, though, that not all unusual or learned terms are a flaw, even when they could be replaced by simpler ones. Skillful writers employ uncommon words to draw attention 274 DICTION or to imply a subtlety. Here, for instance, a learned word wittily conceals a vulgar insult: Among those who distrust the [literary] critic as an intrusive mid- dleman, edging his vast steatopygous bulk between author and au- dience, it is not uncommon to wish him away, out of the direct line of Vision. Carlos Baker Cliches and Jargon A cliche is a trite expression, one devalued by overuse: an agonizing reappraisal the bottom line at this point in time the finer things of life cool, calm, and collected the moment of truth history tells us the voice of the people Many cliches are simply stale figures of speech: cool as a cucumber Mother Nature dead as a doornail pleased as Punch gentle as a lamb sober as a judge happy as a lark the patience of Job in the pink the pinnacle of success light as a feather white as snow Cliches are dull and unoriginal. Worse, they impede clear perception, feeling, or thought. Cliches are verbal molds into which we force experience. Instead of shaping reality for our- selves, we accept it, and pass it on, precast (and probably miscast). Cliches, however, ought not to be confused with dead metaphors. Expressions like the key to the problem, the heart of the matter, the mouth of the river, if they ever were cliches, are so no longer. They are simply old metaphors long dead and now useful, everyday diction. A cliche attempts to be original and perceptive but fails. A dead metaphor, on the CLARITY AND SIMPLICITY 275 other hand, makes no pretense to newness; it has dried and hardened into a useful expression for a common idea. A special kind of cliche is the euphemism, which softens or conceals a fact considered improper or unpleasant. Euphe- misms for death include to pass away, to depart this life, to go to that big Iwhatever] in the sky—all equally trite. Poverty, sexual matters, and diseases are often named euphemistically. Politicians, diplomats, advertisers are adept with euphemisms: dedication to public service = "personal ambition," a frank exchange of views = "continued disagreement," tired blood = "anemia." Jargon Jargon is technical language misused. Technical language, the precise diction demanded by any specialized trade or profes- sion, is necessary when experts communicate with one an- other. It becomes jargon when it is applied outside the limits of technical discourse. Jargon is really a kind of pretentious- ness, a learned and mysterious language designed to impress the nonexpert: Given a stockpile of innovative in-house creativity for the genera- tion of novel words, substituting members for the input of letters whenever feasible, and fiscally optimized by computer capaciti- zation for targeting in on core issues relating to aims, goals, and priorities, and learned skills, we might at last be freed from our dependence on the past. This is in fact a parody by Lewis Thomas, a biologist who does not write jargon. It catches the faults of jargon perfectly: the abstract, polysyllabic Latinism (capacitization, opti- mized); the trendy word (creativity, in-house, input, core is- sues); the pointless redundancy (aims, goals, and priorities); and the awesome combination of modifiers and headwords (innovative in-house creativity, computer capacitization). At its worst jargon is incomprehensible. (The word 276 DICTION originally meant the twittering of birds.) Even when it can be puzzled out, jargon is nothing more than puffed-up language, a kind of false profundity in which simple ideas are padded out in polysyllabic dress. Awkward Figures Figures of speech are words used less for their literal meaning than for their capacity to clarify or intensify feelings or ideas. For the writer of exposition the most common and important figures are the simile and metaphor. A simile is a comparison, generally introduced by like or as. The essayist Robert Lynd describes the bleak houses of a nineteenth-century city as looking "like seminaries for the production of killjoys." A metaphor is more complicated. For now let us say only that it expresses an implicit comparison, not a literal one (as a simile does): When I walked to the mailbox, a song sparrow placed his incom- parable seal on the outgoing letters. E. B. white White does not literally say that the bird's song is like a bright stamp or seal, but the comparison is there. In Chapter 27 we look at figures at greater length and in a more positive light (see page 213 ff.). Here we are concerned with their misuse. A metaphor or simile can be faulty in any of three ways: it can be inappropriate, mixed, or overwhelming. Mixed metaphors ask us to perceive simultaneously two things that simply cannot go together: He put his foot in his mouth and jumped off the deep end. We must feel with the fingertips of our eyeballs. Inappropriate figures contain implications that do not fit the context and are likely to imply meanings the writer does not intend: CLARITY AND SIMPLICITY 277 A green lawn spread invitingly from the road to the house, with a driveway winding up to the entrance like a snake in the grass. Since the writer intended no sinister implications, comparing the driveway to a snake is misleading. Moreover, the simile, aside from being misleading and trite, is ridiculous. A snake in the grass is a kinetic image—one involving motion—and a wriggling driveway is silly. Overwhelming figures ride roughshod over the main idea, as in the following sentence (about the considerable girth of the comedian Jackie Gleason): Out of that flesh grew benign tumors of driving energy and unsa- tisfied appetite that stuck to his psyche and swelled into a galloping disease that at once blights and regenerates him. False Hyperbole Hyperbole (often shortened to hype in modern usage) is de- liberate exaggeration intended to intensify importance or emotional force. Though no hyperbole is ever intended to be taken literally, we may properly call it false only when the exaggeration far outdistances the real value of the idea or feeling: Football is the most magnificent sport ever developed by the mind of man. It tests physical skill, stamina, courage, and intelligence more thoroughly than any other human activity. One shudders to think of what the world would have been like if Shakespeare had never written The Tempest. Although these are silly exaggerations, hyperbole can be used legitimately. It is an old and useful figure of speech (though not as fashionable today as it once was). In the nineteenth century politicians delighted in spread-eagle oratory, and his- torians cultivated a hyperbolical style. In the following pas- sage, for example, the American historian William H. Prescott 278 DICTION writes about the ill effects of the gold which Spain had ex- propriated from the New World in the 1500s: The golden tide, which, permitted a free vent, would have fertilized the region, through which it poured, now buried the land under a deluge which blighted every green and living thing. Mark Twain was a master of hyperbole, as he reveals in this description of a tree after an ice storm: it stands there the acme, the climax, the supremest possibility in art or nature, of bewildering, intoxicating, intolerable magnifi- cence. One cannot make the words strong enough. Twain is at his best—at least to modern ears—when he uses hyperbole for comic effect: [On the New England weather] In the spring I have counted one hundred and thirty-six different kinds of weather inside of four-and- twenty hours. [On the music of Richard Wagner] Another time we went to Mann- heim and attended a shivaree—otherwise an opera—called "Loh- engrin." The banging and slamming and booming and crashing were beyond belief, the racking and pitiless pain of it remains stored up in my memory alongside the memory of the time I had my teeth fixed. Repetitiousness A word, unless it is important, will sound awkward if it is repeated too closely. It ought to be replaced by a synonym or a pronoun: The auto industry used to produce cars that lasted, but they didn't make enough profit so planned obsolescence came into use. BETTER: . came into fashion. CLARITY AND SIMPLICITY 279 This narrative is narrated by a narrator whom we cannot completely trust. BETTER: This story is told by a narrator whom we cannot completely trust. However, repetitiousness must be distinguished from le- gitimate restatement, in which words are repeated for em- phasis or clarity: He [a lax governor] took things easy, and his fellow freebooters took everything easily. Hodding Carter [Oliver Goldsmith's "The Deserted Village" is] a poem written not in ink but in tears, a rich suffusion of emotion rising up in a grubby room in Grub street for a grubby little Irish village. Sean O'Faolain The line between awkward repetition and effective restate- ment is not easy to draw. As a general rule, a repeated word should be important, able to stand the attention readers will give it. Awkward Sound We choose words primarily for what they mean, but we must remember that words are also units of sound and rhythm. Even people adept at silent reading will be put off by awk- ward patterns of sound, though they may not realize exactly what bothers them. Most often the problem is an accidental repetition of the same sound: There is a growing awareness of the slowing down of growth af- fect/ng our economy. BETTER: There is a growing awareness that diminished rates of growth are affecting our economy. Built-in obsolescence has become the essence of our society. BETTER: has become the basis of our society. [...]... as well: The sudden change motivated him into a rage BETTER: The sudden change enraged him They emerged victorious BETTER: They won The too-general verb is often a form of he, have, or seem When these merely link a noun or modifier to the subject, they can often be replaced by a more exact verb: The people were supportive of conservation BETTER: The people supported conservation Officers have to have... make the passive voice necessary Generally, however, you should write in the active voice Overuse of the passive lards sentences with empty words: The writer's point must be clearly stated by him at the beginning of the paragraph BETTER: The writer must clearly state his point at the beginning of the paragraph The work must be done by her by tomorrow BETTER: She must do the work by tomorrow (In the. .. fewer words, the result is deadwood: The current foreign situation should serve to start many Americans to begin thinking BETTER: should start many Americans thinking 284 DICTION Nucleonics investigates the smaller particles that go to make up the nucleus of the atom BETTER: that make up the nucleus of the atom A special case of empty verb strings is the awkward passive construction The focus of... is unnecessary: There is considerable danger involved We question the methods employed The equipment needed is expensive The store stocks many products to be sold CONCISION 289 Each play has a special purpose when it is used This question has two sides to it Most countries of the world have their own coinage In other cases it is the noun that is dead: They committed an act of burglary The quarterback... instead There is nothing inherently dead in "of several different kinds." But the writer does not discuss these kinds of freedom (nor does his subject require him to) To mention them at all, then, is a mistake The phrase contributes nothing to the main point Even worse, it mutes the contrast between the key terms "freedom" and "injustice" and misleads readers by pointing to a path of development they... Tuchman's image of the bossy nanny nicely conveys the unyielding self-righteousness of some Socialists of the period— their smug self-assurance, their certainty that they alone knew what was best for humanity, and their conviction that it was their duty to impose the truth upon people too childish to know what was good for them Fairly or not, Tuchman is passing judgment Her mocking image uncovers the disdain... "Style is the feather in the arrow, not the feather in the cap." Figurative means that a word has been stretched to accommodate a larger or even very different sense from that which it usually conveys A writer can make this stretch because of a likeness between different concepts, a likeness the context reveals Thus the literal meaning of "feather in the arrow" is the stabilizer that keeps the arrow... endowing style with the functions of the feather in the arrow (providing stability and guidance) and disassociating it from the qualities of a feather in a cap (vanity, pretentiousness, pointless decoration) Third, the figure implies judgment: that style in the "arrow-feather" sense is good, while style in the "hat-feather" sense is bad Finally, the figure entertains: we take pleasure in the witty succinctness... with the connotations we FIGURATIVE LANGUAGE 299 associate with prayer: the upward lift of the spirit, the urge to transcend mortal limits Here are two other examples of similes rich in implication The first is about the "what-a-great-war" reminiscences of old soldiers: The easy phrases covered the cruelties of war, like sand b l o w i n g in over the graves of their comrades Thomas Pakenham The image... BETTER: because the Senate was misinformed She will show us the way in which to do it BETTER: She will show us how to do it He becomes self-conscious to the extent that he withdraws into himself BETTER: He becomes so self-conscious that he withdraws into himself Pointlessness Pointless words serve no purpose They do not need to be made more concise; they need to be eliminated There are two broad . ought not to be confused with dead metaphors. Expressions like the key to the problem, the heart of the matter, the mouth of the river, if they ever were cliches, are so no longer. They are. fit the context and are likely to imply meanings the writer does not intend: CLARITY AND SIMPLICITY 277 A green lawn spread invitingly from the road to the house, with a driveway winding up to the. investigates the smaller particles that go to make up the nucleus of the atom. BETTER: . that make up the nucleus of the atom. A special case of empty verb strings is the awkward passive construction. The