Recovery is a Wonderland A story of redemption, rebirth and filling the void within Eve Marie Smashwords Edition Copyright Eve Marie 2010-2012. This free ebook may be copied, distributed, reposted, reprinted and shared, provided it appears in its entirety without alteration, and the reader is not charged to access it Register for an online 12 Step Workshop at Stepworkshop.com Recovery is a Wonderland On Super Bowl Sunday of 1983, a major turning point occurred in my life when I walked into a 7-11 convenience store. They were selling a certain brand of beer that I liked for the first time in the state of Florida, so I bought a couple of six packs to celebrate. Why do I remember that occasion so well? Once I started drinking on that day, I was not able to stop. It was as if I had crossed an invisible line that had always been there; my descent into the abyss began. The abyss was the dark void of pain, shame, fear and loneliness that had always existed within me. Drinking alcohol somehow made everything bearable, it anesthetized my feelings and let me forget my fears. Soon I was in complete seclusion, isolating in my apartment. By then, drinking had become my entire life. I lived to drink and drank to live. Alcohol became my lover, best friend and confident. Nothing else mattered, except having another drink in my hand. At times I would try to stop. Professional therapy, rehab, antabuse, controlled drinking, sheer willpower, substituting drugs for drinking, hospitalizations. Nothing worked. I had become a prisoner of my own making. On Saturday, July 23, 1988, I started drinking at noon, by six that night I was in a black- out. I woke up on Tuesday morning with a doctor leaning over me, in the Intensive Care Unit of a local hospital. The doctor said I had taken all my pain pills and was very lucky to be alive. We talked. For the first time, I opened up to another human being. I surrendered. He listened as I described my feelings of guilt, shame, and remorse about my drinking and using. I poured out my life story: losing both my parents as a young girl, being separated from my biological family, getting adopted against my wishes into a different culture, enduring every form of abuse, going through the death of my son, and numerous life-threatening situations including surviving cancer. And now this: the incomprehensible, demoralization of alcoholism. Then the doctor gave me the gift of hope. Twelve Step Meetings were brought into the hospital once a week and the doctor suggested that I attend. I went to my first meeting, where I picked up a white chip to signify my desire to quit using and start a new way of life. The next week I went back and heard complete strangers telling my story. This is where I belong, I thought, I’m in the right place. Two weeks later, I left the hospital. I continued to go to meetings every night, got a sponsor and began to work the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. In the process of recovery, I gained insight into myself and the diseases of alcoholism, addiction and relationships. After about five months, the sensations of genuine feelings began to emerge. I honestly didn’t know what these waves were that were washing over me and feared I was going insane. Then one sunshiny day, I learned how to smile. In the program I’ve learned that I am not responsible for anyone else’s happiness, except my own. Most importantly I learned that true happiness is an inside job. This was major growth. July 24, 2010, will be the 22 nd anniversary of my new way of life. The story of my recovery is a story of redemption and rebirth. It’s the story of two lives in one. Today I have become the person I always wanted to be. Today I can look upon myself and others with understanding, acceptance, forgiveness, and love. I have discovered the true meaning of the word joy. The Promises have come true. Recovery is a wonderland. I attribute my continued sobriety to a blessed state of grace contingent on my spiritual condition. The dictionary’s definition of the word grace is “unmerited Divine intervention and love”. During my most difficult moments, I would often contemplate the words from the old Southern spiritual “Amazing Grace” and somehow that inspiring hymnal always gave me the hope I needed. I have spent years looking everywhere, trying everything to fill the void that exists within me. Nothing worked. Until one day, when I started working the 12 Steps and began looking…within. Eve Marie Stepworkshop.com About the Author Eve Marie took her first step toward permanent sobriety in the rooms on July 24, 1988. Today, she is a 12 Step Workshop facilitator and the founder of the website Stepworkshop.com. Stepworkshop.com carries the messages of recovery via weekly online meetings that emphasize the practice of the spiritual principles behind the 12 Steps. The Step Workshop opens up the healing process through reading assignments from approved literature, practice exercises and speaker tapes by other members in the recovery community including Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, and Al-Anon. Stepworkshop.com hosted its first online Step Workshop in March 2010. Since then dozens of participants from around the world from Asia to North America to Europe have benefited from their participation in the workshop. At any given time, several Step Workshop groups are in progress Including an AA Step Workshop, Al-Anon Step Workshop and Men’s’ Step Workshop Group. You may register for a Step Workshop or contact us at the Stepworkshop.com website for more information. “Recovery is a Wonderland” was first published in the 75th Anniversary Issue of the AA Grapevine, the official magazine of Alcoholics Anonymous, and in the book, “Emotional Sobriety” Volume II also published by the AA Grapevine. Website: Stepworkshop.com Twitter: StepWorkshop Email: guide@stepworkshop.com . crossed an invisible line that had always been there; my descent into the abyss began. The abyss was the dark void of pain, shame, fear and loneliness that had always existed within me. Drinking alcohol. information. Recovery is a Wonderland was first published in the 75th Anniversary Issue of the AA Grapevine, the official magazine of Alcoholics Anonymous, and in the book, “Emotional Sobriety” Volume II also. reprinted and shared, provided it appears in its entirety without alteration, and the reader is not charged to access it Register for an online 12 Step Workshop at Stepworkshop.com Recovery is a Wonderland On