    YOUNG PRESIDENTS’ ORGANIZATION NORMS MAKE THE FORUM GO In our research, we discovered that the groups with the most explicit norms are created by the Forum of the Young Presi- dents’ Organization. This is a global group of chief executive offi cers under fi fty who run organizations with annual rev- enues greater than  million and more than forty employ- ees. YPO chapters of up to one hundred members exist in most major cities in the United States and around the world. Members pay , to , annually to belong to YPO and to participate in its local, national, and international meetings. Presidents conclude their membership when they reach their fi ftieth birthday, but many join an organization of YPO alumni so they can keep their relationships alive and continue to learn. In the s, some California members wanted to have a place and time to talk about personal and family issues, so they created the Forum, an intimate, confi dential, and sup- portive set of groups that exist within most YPO chapters. The value of these groups is evidenced by the fact that  to  percent of YPO members participate in a Forum. Simi- lar Forum groups have been formed for about  percent of YPO spouses, and additional ones have been created for the adult children of members. YPO members may remain in their Forum group past their fi ftieth birthday, which pro- vides a sense of history and continuity. At monthly Forum meetings, members start by giving brief updates on their lives, which may lead to an initial dis- cussion topic that evolves from issues shared by the mem- bers. The Forum facilitator, who is also a member of the group, keeps a “parking lot” of issues of interest that arose during prior meetings, when there was insuffi cient time to discuss them.   Ron Kirscht shares why Forum groups have been so valu- able to him and his fellow YPO members: “Leading an orga- nization can be a lonely experience. There are decisions only you can make and responsibilities only you can fulfi ll.” He continues, It is sometimes hard to confi de in your coworkers or with friends in your immediate community about a challenge you’re facing or a tough decision you have to make. That is even more the case in my personal life. My peers in our Forum group understand where I’m coming from because they face many of the same kinds of issues. exhibit 5 True North Group Norms NORM RATIONALE Confi dentiality Essential for trust and openness Openness Exploring one’s personal experiences Trust Without it, people won’t share deeply Differences Respecting others’ uniqueness Listening Active engagement with empathy Judging others Important to withhold personal opinions about others’beliefs Feedback Providing constructive suggestions Attendance Essential for group unity     Several years ago, Kirscht faced a personal tragedy when his sister was murdered. His Forum group provided him a safe haven for sharing his feelings about this experience. He says, “It was too raw for me to have my coworkers and neigh- bors know much about this tragedy and how deeply I was aff ected.” He continues, In my Forum group I could bare my soul. I talked about my fears, frustrations, and feelings, and knew I would be totally supported by the members of my group. I could share all the craziness that was inside me during this time. You can’t run a company and talk like that with your employees. My group helped me think through my feelings and explore the pain. It was of great value in a situation I couldn’t share at the offi ce. Forum groups have up to ten members. If the num- ber falls to seven or fewer due to moves or resignations, new members are proposed by the YPO offi cer in charge of Forums. If the number falls to fi ve, two small Forums may be merged. These groups meet for four hours per month, with the location rotated among members’ places of business each month. Typically, meetings begin with lunch on the same afternoon as the YPO chapter’s dinner meeting. This repre- sents a signifi cant commitment of time on the part of busy presidents. Their continuing involvement is a clear indicator of the value of these groups. Ron Kirscht elaborated on his group’s benefi ts, saying, “These people act as my board of advisors. I bring them pending decisions and they point out my blind spots and fl aws in the ideas. Usually, someone in the group who has had a similar experience will steer me in the right direction.” Kirscht describes one feedback process his group uses: “Meetings begin with each of us going around the circle   saying out loud if we are ‘good’ with each of the other mem- bers. If I’m not, I have to bring the issue up at the outset with everyone there by telling the other member what the issue is. We don’t try to fi x the issue then. We just tell them, and that’s the end of it.” Research conducted by YPO headquarters indicates that the Forum process has led to organization-wide norms. All Forum groups are led by a member facilitator who volunteers for a fi xed period, normally one year. Forum members are trained in performing this role, and everyone is expected to accept this responsibility on a rotating basis. Members also undergo two days of training in group etiquette, eff ective lis- tening, and meeting protocols. Each member signs a confi dentiality agreement and a confl ict of interest statement, agreeing to avoid doing busi- ness with each other. Each Forum group may have additional rules and norms they have determined are necessary for their particular group, but the preferred mode is to avoid too much structure that inhibits comfort and satisfaction. Privacy and confi dentiality are crucial in the Forum. Some groups have a rule known by the code name Attila the Hun. If a member declares a topic to be Attila the Hun, it may never be brought up outside the group and may only be mentioned in a regular meeting by the originating member. In screening potential members for his Forum group, Kim Culp says, “In order for the group to be valuable to you, you need committed partners.” He adds, To get busy executives to commit to four hours a month plus two annual retreats, we need to be discern- ing about their level of commitment. When we add new members, we always add two at a time. Coming into an existing group can be a challenge, so we bring two so they don’t feel like lone wolves. We prefer to have their fi rst experience at a retreat, to provide extra     time to connect and get to know the others. Then they have ample time to share their stories and to learn the dos and don’ts of the group. Both Culp and Kirscht have found their group experiences to be excellent learning opportunities. “I’ve received great insights into my personality,” says Culp. He adds, The group holds a mirror up so you can see yourself as others do. You also realize you aren’t the only one with your concerns and issues. Happiness has no connection to the balance sheet. We all have problems with our kids and our spouses. So you come to realize it is a more level playing fi eld than you thought. I have received excellent insights about my style. These days I’m much less likely to have my anger fl are than I was fi fteen years ago. Kirscht states, “The group has helped me keep little things from becoming big ones. I have a place to get things off the table before they build up and cause a mess. It has taught me to face into issues sooner than I used to, which eliminates that stress that comes from procrastinating.” DEVELOPING YOUR GROUP’S NORMS Based on our own experiences with groups and research into other groups, we believe it is essential for groups to establish explicit norms at the time the group is formed. This matter is far too important to assume that positive norms will evolve implicitly over time. In the absence of explicit group ground rules, some members may assume certain norms are in place while others feel no need to observe them. In Bill’s MBA classes at Harvard Business School, group   members sign a member contract at the fi rst offi cial session. The contract is similar to the True North Group contract (Resource ) and includes specifi c ground rules covering open- ness, trust, confi dentiality, respect, tolerance, and feedback. These explicit norms are closely interrelated. For example, before it is reasonable to expect group members to be open about highly personal matters, they must trust other mem- bers to treat as confi dential (even from spouses) the issues discussed within the group. In this regard, Dr. Kathryn Wil- liams observes, “All members should express their support of the confi dentiality norm, as it seems to be the most crucial in predicting group survival. Without strict confi dentiality, trust and bonding among group members will not happen.” Exhibit  summarizes why each of the seven norms is so important and how they are interrelated. In the case of the Harvard Business School groups, we are unaware of any confi dentiality breaches, which has been essential to their success. Students amaze themselves with how they can feel comfortable being so open. As one woman said, “I am sharing things in my group, with people I just met a few weeks ago, that I have never shared with anyone in my life, not even my parents.” We recommend that True North Groups develop their own contract in their fi rst offi cial meeting, with all members signing it as an indication of their commitment. By being explicit about the behaviors expected in interactions among group members, the group is much more likely to be able to sustain its success and delve deeply into the things that mat- ter most to its members. Architect John Cuningham comments on the importance of process norms: “We have developed a simple card, which I send out every January.” He explains, The card includes meeting dates and the facilitator for each week, with names, phone numbers, e-mails, and     birth dates on the back. It helps to refer to the card and realize that you have the program in two weeks and have to prepare your topic for the group. We keep notepads at our meeting place to write responses to the questions and then compare our answers. This has enabled us to build up a rich collection of past pro- grams and questions we explored. BUILDING CHEMISTRY WITHIN YOUR GROUP Having the right members is a necessary but not suffi cient condition for a True North Group. It is equally important that group members develop a high level of mutual respect within the group. Attorney David Dustrad talks about how his group was formed and why it is still together after twenty years. “We call our group of six ‘the guys’,” he says. “Our roots go back to our postcollege years.” He explains, In forming the group, we recognized the need for connection to peers who could hold us accountable and with whom we could share struggles and challenges and celebrate the good things that were happening as well. What keeps us together is that we hold each other in such high regard. There isn’t a guy in the group I don’t look up to. We admire each other’s leadership qualities and moral character, despite diff erences about current topics. There is a high level of moral integrity around the table. For nonprofi t executive Joe Cavanaugh, “In building the chemistry of your group, it is important that all your members adopt more subtle norms, like active listening, being present for others, demonstrating humility, and being   mindful. You also have to bring yourself to the table — to par- ticipate and be appropriately vulnerable, sharing your warts and all. This is not work you can do by yourself.” Cavanaugh off ers an interesting insight when he observes, “Most men I know don’t need a small group to get charged up and ready for battle.” He adds, Rather, they need a safe place to return from battle with their wounds — a place where they can be healed. I meet regularly with a group of guys that say, “If you fall fl at on your face, come back, and we will be there for you.” When I listen to my wife and female friends speak about their women’s groups, it seems they have a diff erent need. They look for other women to tell them, “Go into battle. You can do it.” What they may need from their small group is courage and women who push them into battle and cheer them on when they succeed. Venture capitalist Gary Smaby talks about how his group formed and developed bonds between members. He observes, “It’s a completely personal choice as to whether one makes a commitment to participate.” He continues, Initially, everyone was feeling the group out to make sure that the chemistry was right. We were all trying to determine whether it was worth the energy to join. Each of us was incredibly busy in our own realm. Eventually, we all reached the same conclusion. We were forming a unique group of peers. Every member off ered a fresh, informed perspective, drawn from rich yet diverse experiences. And all had the capacity to lead. That’s what enabled us to grow exponentially in the early stages.     On the other hand, businessman Jack Sell cautions, “Suc- cessful groups require mutual trust that can develop into respect and aff ection. People who are not respectful, not life- long learners, or not open to learning from others won’t be willing to stay in a group like this. In a sense, this becomes self-governing.” ADDITIONAL NORMS TO STRENGTHEN YOUR GROUP Experience has shown that True North Groups are most eff ective when they operate as a peer group without any hier- archy. Having the members sit in a circle with no large table in the middle and no assigned seats is a good start. Avoiding titles is another. Although one of you has to be the organizer during the start-up phase, try hard to minimize this role as soon as possible. We recommend that each group conduct an annual assessment (see Resource ), followed by a discussion among group members. In part, this ensures that the norms in the member contract are reviewed, reinforced, and changed as needed. It also opens up the discussion about whether all members are getting the benefi ts they want. It provides an opportunity to address any norms that may be inhibiting member satisfaction. Another useful norm is the adoption of regular retreats. In Chapter  we described the benefi ts of having a retreat for the fi rst offi cial group meeting. If that doesn’t occur, then the group should hold a retreat within the fi rst six months. Retreats are the fastest and best way for the group to bond and build trust. Overnight retreats are preferable, as group activities and the fun of preparing and sharing meals create opportunities for building relationships and breaking down barriers. Another option is to have a full one-day retreat in a quiet setting. See Resource  for additional ideas on retreats.   Once the group is formed and membership is stable, the group should develop a process for adding new members (see Resource ). It is helpful to establish new member criteria that will be referenced by members when proposing some- one new. New members can bring fresh ideas and experiences into a group that otherwise could become too predictable and too settled. Nevertheless, people are often concerned that new members may change the group’s chemistry. As Karen Radtke notes, “Once groups bond, they become reluctant to add new members because they create changes and take time to integrate.” She describes her group’s approach: We put an empty chair in the circle that we keep open for the next new member. We believe it keeps the group alive and vital by fi lling that chair from time to time. When someone leaves the group, we have a norm to fi nd a replacement and have only one empty chair. John Curtiss, CEO of The Retreat, describes the process his group uses to add new members. “If we decide to add a new member, several of us will bring names to the meeting for discussion,” he says. People who know the individuals off er comments, where these people are in their lives, and whether they are willing to share deeply. If we decide to proceed, we invite them to come and audit a couple of sessions. After that, the group decides whether they are a good fi t or not. Community volunteer Joyce McFarland notes, “We know that new members can change the dynamics of our group, so it is important for us to talk about them and meet them in person.” She adds, [...]... down to we weren’t on the same page about what the purpose of the group was.” The original members became increasingly dissatisfied Two of them met with the facilitator to express their concerns and to share their dissatisfaction with what was happening at the meetings — how the focus of the group seemed to have changed “After trying to keep the group together,” says Cavanaugh, “it became apparent that... believe that meaningful discussions require full attendance Hefty financial penalties are employed to reinforce these norms, and three absences in a year results in automatic expulsion Although these penalties may seem harsh for busy people, it is important for groups to reach clear agreement and to have operative rules about attendance issues One such rule is that any member who must be absent e-mails everyone... group’s vitality, we turn our attention to the other side of the coin: behaviors that may impede your group, which we call storming Because all of us are flawed human beings in our interactions with others, groups eventually experience a storming phase Yet many groups fail to acknowledge the difficulties they are having Denial is as alive and well in groups as it is in families, marriages, and other social milieus... knowledge that everything will be treated confidentially We have learned the hard way that failing to reach agreement on how the group will operate can lead to many problems down the road Misunderstandings between group members about expected behavior within the group may even cause the group to disband We address those issues in Chapter 5 CHAPTER 5 Storming having established the norms needed to sustain the... the situation at its next meeting, people disagreed about what to do Several people felt the only kind thing was to accept the member back, provided he acknowledged what he had done The sponsor, on the other hand, was firm about the need to sever relations due to the member’s unethical and illegal actions, which were revealed to go back for several years In the end, the member was asked to leave the... especially sensitive in mixedgender and couples groups Lack of Openness and Sharing On the other hand, a lack of openness also can cause a group to fall apart, especially if the group has agreed to share openly about personal matters One of Bill’s Harvard groups encountered precisely this problem Five of the six members of the group shared their life stories and crucibles openly When the group went around... one way to deal with people who are attempting to dominate a group: confront them and insist that they back off and let others talk more equally Even if they agree, it is often difficult for domineering people to control their behavior Thus, it is up to the facilitator to keep these people in check by asking them to hold back while other participants share their stories This can be an important learning... uncomfortable discussing anything personal, so he always took the discussion to the intellectual level When his turn came, he frequently made jokes to cover his discomfort and then changed the subject Although the group stayed together for several years, its discussions never went beyond the superficial It is important to gain agreement at a group’s outset that its purpose is to share personal issues and that... Let’s look at some storming issues faced by one group and how it handled them ADDING NEW MEMBERS CAN CAUSE A GROUP TO DISBAND Jane Cavanaugh was part of a group of professional women that had been meeting for three years The women in this group shared deeply, the members participated fully, and no 77 78 true north groups one dominated the discussions This led to high satisfaction among the members When... effectiveness and that can ultimately lead to the disbanding of groups (Exhibit 6) The stories that follow are true, although some have been disguised to protect confidentiality Lack of Member Commitment One of the keys to making a group work is for everyone to observe group norms about attending all meetings and retreats, arriving on time, and staying until the meeting is over If there are prework assignments, . in most major cities in the United States and around the world. Members pay , to , annually to belong to YPO and to participate in its local, national, and international meetings by one group and how it handled them. ADDING NEW MEMBERS CAN CAUSE A GROUP TO DISBAND Jane Cavanaugh was part of a group of professional women that had been meeting for three years. The women. they fail to enforce that norm, the group may disintegrate as its participants become increas- ingly frustrated. Dogmatism or Dominating Behaviors In order to have full participation and a balanced