The Teenage Years: Advice For Parents On How To Cope Maxx Publishing ************************************************** Visit Our Websites Listed Below! ************************************************** Maxx Family Life Lawn and Garden Magic > http://www.MaxxFamilyLife.com > http://www.LawnandGardenMagic.com Maxx Home Guides The Complete Cat > http://www.MaxxHomeGuides.com > http://www.theCompleteCat.com Maxx Adventure Travel Maxx Seniors Life > http://www.MaxxAdventureTravel.com > http://www.MaxxSeniorsLife.com Self Help and Wellness The Complete Dog > http://www.SelfHelpandWellness.com > http://www.theCompleteDog.net Maxx Golf Guides Guitar Warrior Zone > http://www.MaxxGolfGuides.com > http://www.GuitarWarriorZone.com Teenage Years – Advice for Parents on how to Cope Page 2 of 18 http://www.maxxpublishing.com Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited Visit Maxx Family Life for more advice on Raising Kids, Pregnancy, Baby Care and much, much more Teenage Years – Advice for Parents on how to Cope Page 3 of 18 http://www.maxxpublishing.com Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited WANT TO BE A BETTER PARENT? “Modern Guide to Raising Children” This is a great way for people to learn how to become better parents — by settling down and reading one good book. 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Click Here To Read More Teenage Years – Advice for Parents on how to Cope Page 4 of 18 http://www.maxxpublishing.com Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited Introduction Your teenager no longer tells you about their day. They make new friends and do not introduce them to you. They are constantly asking to stay out late on Friday nights. And they colored their hair. Sound familiar? You are not alone. Teenagers can be a handful for many parents. Most teenagers are not trouble makers. But most will try to push the boundaries you have set concerning curfew and grades. Some teenagers will become silent and withdrawn. Many parents are at a loss as to what to do when their teenager begins to separate themselves from the rest of the family. Parents suddenly lose their footing. They have many questions and concerns. • Curfews • Privacy • Talking • After school activities • Wanting your child back • Working • Warning signs • Popularity • Dating • College • Divorce • Death • Moving Although your teenager will grow out of this phase, there is so much to worry about that parents feel as though they are losing their minds. They can feel trapped, alone, and scared. But chances are your teenager feels the same way. Talking to a teenager can be difficult, but it must be done in order to keep the lines of communication open. Remembering your teen as that cute, friendly child is not uncommon. But your teenager is past that station in life and is getting ready to embark on adulthood. Give them the support they will need when they do start talking to you again. Teenage Years – Advice for Parents on how to Cope Page 5 of 18 http://www.maxxpublishing.com Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited Curfews When your teen reaches high school, they will be making friends, dating, and joining after school clubs and activities. They will want to go to movies, visit friends, and hang out at the mall. On Friday and Saturday night, they will want to stay out past their weekday curfew. Some teens have jobs that require them to work late on the weekends. You will have to use your judgment when deciding to give your teenager a longer curfew. When trying to teach your children how to be independent, you will have to set boundaries so that your teenager learns how to be responsible, returns home safely, and stays out of trouble. Curfews can be set up a few ways. • Set different times for the weekday and weekend to give your teenager time to visit friends and see a movie after a long week of school. Decide on a time by asking for your teens input. You ultimately have the final say in the curfew, but by giving your teen room to offer an opinion, they will feel you are listening to them. • When your teenager goes out on the weekend, designate a time that they will have to call so that you know where they are and when they should be home. • If your teenager works, make sure you have a copy of their work schedule and a phone number where you can call in case of an emergency. If you teenager wants to go out after work, they should call and let you know before leaving work. • Tell your teenager that curfews will change if you want them to participate in a family activity. You will give them advanced notice so that they can plan accordingly. • Curfew times may also change during the summer. Make it clear to your teenager that if they do not follow these rules or if their grades slip, that you will have to revoke curfew privileges. Teenagers need to know that having an extended curfew is a privilege, not a right. These Teenage Years – Advice for Parents on how to Cope Page 6 of 18 http://www.maxxpublishing.com Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited rules may need to be adjusted if your teenager drives or needs to borrow your car. Privacy Privacy is one issue that you and your teenager will have to discuss. Many teenagers are not happy when their parents enter their room without being invited. This does not mean that your teenager is hiding anything or is engaging in illegal activities, they just want their private space. You will have to decide when it is appropriate to enter your teenagers room and when not too. Many times they will not mind if you are in their room. But when they have had a bad day, they will want their privacy. Other times, it may be necessary to go into their room when they are out and look around. If you suspect drug use or other illegal activity, then go ahead. It is better to invade a teenager’s privacy and find nothing, then to not invade their privacy and discover they were harming themselves. Hopefully, you will not find anything that is suspect. You know your teenager. You know their mood swings and you know when they need to be alone. But when they are acting out more than usual, their grades start to slip, or they are always in their room, then it may be time to inspect it. A need for privacy is a human need. People need different levels of privacy. Your teenager may never need privacy, or they may need a lot. Most teenagers like to have their own space, but enjoy when you visit. Finding this balance is what every parent strives for. Talk to your teenager about what they expect from you and what you expect from them. Having these discussions will make situations down the road much easier to deal with. Teenage Years – Advice for Parents on how to Cope Page 7 of 18 http://www.maxxpublishing.com Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited Talking Sometimes talking with your teenager is not easy. They may ignore you, talk rudely, walk away, or argue. Many times they will not stay around long enough to start a conversation. How does this happen? How long will it last? Talking with your teen requires you to find the right times to approach them, and to know when to stay away. You will have to play by their rules many times. Promoting conversation begins by eating at the dinner table at least twice a week. This could be difficult with everyone’s schedules, but you can have a Sunday dinner and maybe squeeze in a meal during the week. Have the meal at the kitchen table and turn off the television. There may be silence for the first couple of times, but this will change. Do not expect miracles. Asking your teenager a hundred questions during the meal will not yield a response. Ask one or two questions. If your teenager answers in one word responses, let it go. Do not get angry, this will only ruin your meal. Another way to promote conversation or at least get your teenager in the same room with you is to not let them have a television in their room. They will be forced to watch television in the living room. This may be a good time to talk to them. Many times your teenager will be willing to talk and will be in a good mood. Teenagers have weird mood swings that are unpredictable. You will have to do your best to engage them in conversation. A third way to promote conversation is to take them out to lunch. When food is involved, most people will be willing to go along for the trip. Other suggestions are volunteering together for a charity, going on family vacations, or walks will help when trying to communicate with your teenager. Sometimes you will not be able to talk to your teenager. It is important that you do not get angry as this will only make you more stressed. The silence will not last. It is important to give your teenager room to be alone, but still let them know that you are available to talk at any time. Conversation does not have to be about anything in particular. You can talk about anything. Sometimes simple conversation can have a bigger impact on Teenage Years – Advice for Parents on how to Cope Page 8 of 18 http://www.maxxpublishing.com Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited your teenager’s life then deep conversations. Teenage problems may not seem like a big deal to adults, but the truth is that they are for the teenager. Sometimes being able to laugh at a joke or talk about some trivial will help them relax and forget about their problems. After School Activities For many teenagers, what they do after school is the highlight of their day. Many participate in sports, clubs, or have jobs. Having variety in one’s life makes it more interesting and challenging. Teenagers need to have goals and feel like they have a social identity. After school activities provide this and more. Most after school programs require that a student maintain a certain grade point average. This creates goals for the teenager. Not only will they have to do well in their activities, they will also have to make sure their grades are acceptable. After school activities will also look good on a student’s transcript if they want to go to college. But what happens when your teenager’s activities interfere with their grades, family time, and sleep? This can happen for many reasons. • Too many activities – You teenager many have made too many commitments during the school year. If they are not getting enough sleep and their grades are beginning to slip, then it is time to talk with your teenager about cutting back on their after school activities. • Stress – This can happen if your teenager is feeling they cannot handle everything they are involved in. You may suggest giving an activity up. • New friends – If your teenager is hanging out with people you don’t know, then get to know who they are. If they are not involved in the same activities as your teenager, they may be encouraging your teenager to not participate. Talk to your teenager and find out if this is the case. Ask them why they would want to give up activities they enjoy. Teenage Years – Advice for Parents on how to Cope Page 9 of 18 http://www.maxxpublishing.com Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited • Harmful activities – If you suspect your child is harming themselves with drugs or alcohol, confront them and ask questions. Call their teachers and ask if they have noticed any behavioural changes have taken place. Always make sure your teenager can handle everything they sign up for. You can also set a limit as to how many after school activities they will be able to participate in. Teach your teenager that once they commit to something, they have to do their best to follow-through. But if you see that they are failing, then it may time to lessen the load. Focusing on an education is what they need to be doing, so suggest that they not volunteer for so many projects and activities at once. Many schools monitor a teenagers grades to ensure that they are meeting the requirements to stay involved in after school activities. Wanting Your Child Back After a few years into their teens, you will wish you had your child back. You will remember the way they used to be. Teenagers change overnight. They will go from children to teenagers to young adults. Even though, it may seem your teenager will always be rude, have a negative view of life sometimes, and will not always want to be with the family, these years pass by quickly. Soon your teenager will be going away to school or starting a new job. Their attitude will get better. No, they will never be young again, but they will always be your child. It is okay to feel this way. All parents feel this way. Working For extra spending money or when they are saving money for college, some teenagers will get part-time jobs. These jobs are usually on the weekends and one or two afternoons a week. Treat working like you treat after school activities. If their grades start to drop, you may want to tell them they can Teenage Years – Advice for Parents on how to Cope Page 10 of 18 http://www.maxxpublishing.com Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited only work weekends. If this does not work, then they should not be working at all except during the summer. Warning Signs These may not always be obvious. Teenagers are good at keeping things from their parents. You will have to keep a close watch and take note of any changes in emotion or stress levels. Common warning signs include: • More frequent mood swings • Grades begin to drop • Hanging out with new friends • Depressed more often • Drastic clothing changes • Insomnia • Diet changes • Withdrawing from friends • Physical condition deteriorating These signs could be nothing, but you should stay aware and if these changes are occurring quickly, then it is time to have a talk with your teenager. Find out what is going on. Many teenagers find new friends or experiment with how they look. These signs alone are not enough. But when they are combined with others on this list, there may be a problem. If your teenager had a friend who died or a family they were close to pass away, these changes could be temporary. It is still best to talk with your teenager just to make sure. If they do not want to talk to you, then you should suggest a close friend or a counsellor. Many teenagers are simply depressed and unsure about their future. This will happen as they get closer to adulthood. They may need guidance in terms of a job counsellor or college advisor. Warning signs should not be taken lightly. Protect yourself, your family, and your teenager by confronting a problem before it becomes too big. Write down questions you would like to ask beforehand so that you do not get sidetracked when in the middle of a discussion. You will be happy you did. [...]... distribution is strictly prohibited Teenage Years – Advice for Parents on how to Cope Popular children usually have a need to please everyone This is not a sign of self confidence Like an unpopular teenager, a popular teenager is unsure how to meet expectations of everyone in their group Parents should get their teenager to meet new people In time, this need to please everyone will disappear Usually when a teenager... have no control over Divorce, death, and moving can have profound effects on a teenager that will affect them for years afterward Parents can only see so much They have their own lives and the lives of other children to worry about in addition to their teenager’s As mentioned in other sections, the importance of listening and understanding by showing compassion toward your teenager may be the only recourse... your teenager to lectures to help convey the importance of the decisions they will have to make Teenagers will listen, but sadly enough, some will still make decisions that are not right for them or their future You should always stress that you are available if they need to talk and that you will not judge them Your teenager should always feel they can talk to you and ask questions when they have to. .. want to talk about their problems Many unpopular teenagers have a few friends Concentrate on the friends they have, not on the ones they don’t Suggest to your teenager that they have friends over, visit other friend’s houses, and try to suggest activities that will promote friendship and unity Concentrating on ways to fix your teenager’s problems will not help them mature, be more popular, or have the. .. need to make sure that your teenager does eventually adjust to their new surroundings Encourage your teenager to: Decorate their new room Talk walks around the new neighbourhood Focus on existing hobbies Page 16 of 18 http://www.maxxpublishing.com Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited Teenage Years – Advice for Parents on how to Cope Conclusion Teenagers are strange people They... duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited Teenage Years – Advice for Parents on how to Cope having different rules, and favouring one parent over another may be difficult But there are ways to avoid many of the problems associated with divorce Establish rules between both parents – This will make discipline easier and other rules concerning curfew, homework, and activities easier for the teenager to. .. duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited Teenage Years – Advice for Parents on how to Cope College Most teenagers will consider going to college at some point during their high school years While this is a wonderful time, planning for college and realizing your teenager will be going away can be stressful Planning for college can take up to two years Usually a teenager will begin looking for potential... your teenager to try now hobbies They will meet other people, will forget about their problems at school, and will be able to move past the need to feel accepted all the time Popular children can also have problems Although these problems may be different than an unpopular person’s, the basic theme is the same Popular teenagers have to go along with what everyone else in the group is doing even if they... Other expenses include: Textbooks Clothing Supplies Food Travel expenses College can be very expensive for everyone But with a little planning, your teenager can go to college and have enough money to survive Page 13 of 18 http://www.maxxpublishing.com Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited Teenage Years – Advice for Parents on how to Cope As the time approaches for your teenager... want to be with other friends or alone Respect their decision, but watch their behaviour If it seems like they are not making a recovery, you may have to step in Dealing with death is never easy Be sure to tread lightly and try to help where you can Page 15 of 18 http://www.maxxpublishing.com Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited Teenage Years – Advice for Parents on how to Cope . embark on adulthood. Give them the support they will need when they do start talking to you again. Teenage Years – Advice for Parents on how to Cope. from them. Having these discussions will make situations down the road much easier to deal with. Teenage Years – Advice for Parents on how to Cope