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Page i
Keys to Your Child's Healthy Sexuality
BARRON'S PARENTING KEYS
Chrystal de Freitas, M.D., F.A.A.P.
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Page ii
Cover photo © TSM/Roy Morsch
© Copyright 1998 by Chrystal de Freitas
Illustrations copyright © 1997 by Jaye Schlesinger.
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form, by photostat, microfilm, xerography, or any other means, or
incorporated into any information retrieval system, electronic or mechanical, without the written permission of the
copyright owner.
All inquiries should be addressed to:
Barron's Educational Series, Inc.
250 Wireless Boulevard
Hauppauge, New York 11788
http://www.barronseduc.com
Library of Congress Catalog Card No.: 97-50485
International Standard Book No. 0-7641-0298-2
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
De Freitas, Chrystal.
Keys to your child's healthy sexuality / Chrystal de Freitas.
p. cm. (Barron's parenting keys)
Includes bibliographical references (p. ) and index.
ISBN 0-7641-0298-2
1. Children and sexUnited States. 2. Sex instruction for
childrenUnited States. 3. Sex instruction for youth
United States. I. Title. II. Series.
HQ784.S45D4 1998
649'.65dc21 97-50485
CIP
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
987654321
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Page iii
CONTENTS
Introduction v
Part OneHuman Development
1
Understanding Sexuality 1
2
Secrecy Versus Privacy 5
3
Talking about Sex 9
4
The Need to Know 14
5
Where do babies come from? 17
6
How do babies get out? 21
7
How do babies get in? 24
8
Anatomy 101 29
9
Body Image 35
Part TwoPuberty
10
What Is Normal? 39
11
Breast Development 42
12
Growth Spurt 48
13
Body Odor and Hair 53
14
Acne 57
15
Menstruation 61
16
Erections and Wet Dreams 70
17
Mood Swings 76
18
Sexual Identity and Orientation 79
19
Rites of Passage 83
Part ThreeRelationships
20
Family Relationships 86
21
The Single Father 92
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Page iv
22
The Single Mother 96
23
Friendships, Crushes, and Peer Pressure 100
24
Marriage, Lifetime Commitments, and Divorce 105
25
Love and Affection 109
Part FourPersonal Skills
26
Values and Beliefs 114
27
The Art of Communication 119
28
Decision Making 124
29
Problem Solving 129
Part FiveSexual Behavior
30
Sexual Curiosity 134
31
Abstinence 139
32
Masturbation and Self-Pleasuring 142
Part SixSexual Health
33
Wellness and Disease Prevention 145
34
Contraception and Abortion 149
35
HIV/AIDS and STDs 152
36
Sexual Abuse and Prevention 158
Part SevenSociety and Culture
37
Gender Roles 164
38
Sexuality and the Media 169
39
Parenting: Challenging Responsibility 174
Questions and Answers 179
Glossary 184
Suggested Readings 187
Additional Resources 192
Index 195
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Page v
INTRODUCTION
When should I start talking to my daughter about menstruation? How much information should I provide my
preschooler about the conception, growth, and birth of a new sibling? Why does my son think he knows so much
about the "birds and the bees" when he is only eight years old? The family-rated television show was loaded with
sexual innuendoes. Should I have insisted that we turn it off? How carefully should I monitor my children's
entertainment in the future?
These are just a few of the common concerns that we parents face as our children interact with a culture that
bombards them with sexual messages. Understanding the broader dimensions of sexuality and the roles that family,
friends, school, and the media play in influencing children's views of themselves as sexual beings is essential for
charting a safe, smooth course through the potential minefields between childhood and adult sexual identity. Many
parents wait to address sexual issues until their child enters puberty. Obvious bodily changes in their youngster
force some parents to deliver "the talk." Others hope the school will do what they don't want to and are relieved
when their child returns home clutching pamphlets handed out during a lecture on sex education. Moreover, most
parents have not had much education in the field of human sexuality themselves. They may have vague memories
of awkward speeches by one or the other of their parents; the book about human sexuality tucked in the back of the
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Page vi
bookcase; or the week devoted to reproduction in health class. Given this set of circumstances, it is understandable
that parents often put off educating their own offspring. Many parents also believe that if they don't talk about sex,
their children won't be interested or tempted. But waiting until puberty to approach the topic of sexuality is unwise.
Sexuality is an important part of children's lives from the moment they are born and plays an important role
throughout their entire lives. Providing children with the information that allows them to make informed choices
and be the architects of their own lives is the essence of parenting.
Talking about sexuality requires the same communication skills that contribute to all healthy relationships between
parents and children. If parents can cultivate open dialogues with their young children as they explore the topics of
sexuality together, this same openness will allow parents to offer advice and guidance as their youngsters approach
teenage years. However, if parents do not begin the process early, the subject of sexuality will feel less natural for
both parents and their children, and everyone involved may be uncomfortable with this new intimacy and with the
sheer magnitude of the issues that must be dealt with in a hurry. But keep in mind that starting late is far better
than never starting at all.
As a pediatrician and mother of three children, I, too, have struggled with communicating "how-to's," with the
various versions of the birds-and-the-bees talk, and with the many dimensions of sexuality. The challenge has been
difficult. Prior to my oldest daughter's taking a girls' health class at school, I casually inquired about the health
curriculum. Her answer disturbed me. The curriculum seemed insufficient to me, and was to be taught by the male
gym teacher. Even though he was a nice person, I felt uneasy for my daughter, and I sheepishly volunteered my
services. My offer to teach the class was
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[...]... healthy sexuality: All human beings are born with the capacity to experience sexual feelings Children are sexual beings from the moment they are born A healthy sexuality is a vital part of a child's healthy self-esteem Your example as a parent provides a model for the development of your child's sexuality Providing children with information appropriate to their developmental stage is essential to their... role in the development of every human being Understanding sexuality includes understanding how the human body functions and, in particular, how reproduction occurs Sexuality also includes an array of concepts related to human relationships, personal life skills, gender identity, and choices about health issues In addition to teaching their children what they want them to understand about sexuality, ... They may not know exactly what to ask; or, perhaps they sense their parents' hesitance to address questions Both instances may cause the child to turn away from parents when dealing with the topic of sexuality Therefore, it is your responsibility as parents to speak up Do not let your own uneasiness or your child's silence get in the way of introducing the subject Admit to your child that talking about... conveys to children may not be based on values and beliefs that promote healthy adult sexuality So do not hesitate to plunge in and add your own contribution It is never too late to start After all, everyone else is influencing your children; why shouldn't you? You have an obligation to convey your feelings and values As a parent, you are still your child's most important teacher Teaching children about sexuality. .. that you may seize and explore with your child Age-appropriate books or literature about sexuality that conform to your family's values should be available to your children It is acceptable to postpone the answers to questions if you are caught off guard; but don't forget to get back to your child with the answer soon Information about sexuality, just like any other topic, needs repeating One talk is... direct our children's sexual education in order to ensure their healthy growth into adults One of the keys to successful sexual education is to remember that your child's learning is a gradual process Not all the details should be presented at once The accumulation of knowledge and facts should be continuous and must be repeated many times A child's degree of understanding is much simpler and more concrete... of your child's level of development The conciseness of your answers when addressing the first questions about the facts of life should depend upon your assessment of your child's ability to process the information you offer Review the following responses to children's questions about where babies come from and choose the ones you feel most comfortable with Of course, you should feel free to add your. .. addressed calmly, with minimal descriptive detail Simple clarity is important The following brief explanation may help guide you You may use some of it, all of it, or, perhaps you will develop your own version according to your child's level of understanding The uterus, or womb, is like a balloon that can expand to make room for the baby to grow When the baby is ready to come out, the mother's body... grocery store, when in-laws are visiting, or at the pool as your innocent youngster stares at your pregnant friend Depending on family dynamics, a parent may escape this query with: "Go ask your mother"; "You're too young to understand that"; or "I'll explain it to you when you get older." The unspoken message is that the subject of procreation is off-limits, taboo Parents' fears about addressing a child's. .. 1 Understanding Sexuality For many parents, teaching young children about the birds and the bees is the first step toward fulfilling their responsibility to provide sexual education for their offspring Many parents, though, lack a clear understanding of the complexities of the word sexuality, often mistaking it for the word sex Sexuality comprises more than physical sex or gender identification; sexuality . Cataloging-in-Publication Data
De Freitas, Chrystal.
Keys to your child's healthy sexuality / Chrystal de Freitas.
p. cm. (Barron's parenting keys)
Includes bibliographical. page page_i next page >
Page i
Keys to Your Child's Healthy Sexuality
BARRON'S PARENTING KEYS
Chrystal de Freitas, M.D., F.A.A.P.
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