GETTING OUT FROM GOING UNDER A Guide to Recovery for Compulsive Debtors and Spenders By Linda Isaacson (pseudonym) Getting Out From Going Under By Linda Isaacson Published by Sober with Money Publishing Smashwords Edition Copyright 2013 Sober with Money Publishing All Rights Reserved Smashwords Edition, License Notes Thank you for downloading this free ebook. You are welcome to share it with your friends. This book may be reproduced, copied, and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete original form and is distributed at no cost to the reader. Thank you for your support. Table of Content Welcome Who Will Benefit From This Book How to Use This Book SECTION 1: ABOUT THE PROGRAM OF DEBTORS ANONYMOUS (DA) History of DA New Documentary on Bill Wilson (Bill W) Principles of DA SECTION 2: USING THE H.O.W. STRUCTURE TO WORK THE DA PROGRAM How I Work the DA (H.O.W.) Program What Does H.O.W. Mean? “DA H.O.W. IS Real DA” It’s Specific, Not Different YNAB Interview So, How Much Time Does DA H.O.W. Take? SECTION 3: ABOUT ABSTINENCE AND SOLVENCY Solvency and Abstinence Clarifying Abstinence SECTION 4: FOR NEWCOMERS & THOSE WITHOUT A SPONSOR Where to Begin for Beginners If You are New and Don’t Have a Sponsor… Day Two and Beyond without a Sponsor SECTION 5: SPONSORS & SPONSORING Advice VS. Experience, Strength, and Hope Calling Your Sponsor on Time Sponsors are Not Your Higher Power Why 3 Slips & You are Dropped? SECTION 6: ALL ABOUT SPENDING PLANS What is YNAB? Can You Out-Earn Your Disease? Parts of a Spending Plan How Many Categories Do You Need? How to Accrue in Categories Tracking Sporadic Income Split Transactions Split Transactions with Both Inflows and Outflows Bank Reconciliation is Essential Three Important Concepts Steps to Reconciling with Your Bank Account Month End & Month Beginning 2013 Taxes Already?! How to Start a New Year in YNAB SECTION 7: USING MONEY SANELY Pressure Relief Group (PRG) Living in the Next Month Willingness and Delayed Gratification Depriver or Spender When is Enough Enough? Giving Gifts Receiving Gifts Lending Money The Conundrum of Cash Black Friday – The Day for Amateurs I Got a Passport! Shipping Costs are a Thorn in My Side Prison or Freedom? Do I Deserve That? Vagueness is Our Enemy Pain VS. Misery Not Spending Money as a Spiritual Practice SECTION 8: DEBT REPAYMENT Savings VS. Debt Repayment Communicating with Creditors SECTION 9: RELATIONSHIPS Relationship Challenges & Money Working Your DA Program When You Have a Partner A Member Shares Her Family Story Children, Parents, & Money Children & Money Does Money Equal Love? SECTION 10: HEALTH ISSUES AND MONEY The DA Dilemma of Disability Bigger is Not Always Better Chronic Health Issues & Going Down the Rabbit Hole SECTION 11: BUSINESS DEBTORS ANONYMOUS (BDA) Should It Be a Hobby or Business? Creativity & Money What Does Fame Feel Like? Helping One or Millions A Revelation about Art and Business SECTION 12: THE STEPS Step 1: Is Your Life Unmanageable? Step 2: The Glue that Keeps Us in Program Step 3: The Doorway to Recovery Step 4: Best Step 4 Explanation Ever! Step 4: It Gets Easier with Time Step 4: 4th Step Tips Step 4: More about Resentments Step 5: The Easy Part Steps 6 & 7: Lao Tzu Inspiration Steps 6 & 7 Made Simple Steps 6 & 7: Willingness & Our Defects Steps 6 & 7: Reflection is the Third Key Step 8: Forgiveness as Amends Step 9: Amends & Forgiveness Step 10: Daily Inventory is Important Step 11: About Meditation Step 11: Program as Practice Step 12: Program Burnout … a Plea to Sponsors & Members Step 12: Giving Service at Meetings SECTION 13: ABOUT CHARACTER DEFECTS Comfort is Over-rated Recovery and Desire in DA Resentment & Forgiveness About Fear Fear of Death Fighting with the Pharmacy The Key to Patience The Value of Silence SECTION 14: VISIONS Visions VS. Self-Will Bucket Lists Prosperity & Abundance Don’t Always Mean Cash SECTION 15: THE PROMISES The Big Book Promises The DA Promises The Hidden Promises SECTION 16: GRATITUDE Disappointment is Not Fatal Why Me? Why Not Me? Thanksgiving & Gratitude Complications Remembering Welcome “Getting Out From Going Under” is my small attempt to help other recovering debtors and compulsive spenders understand how the program of Debtors Anonymous works from my point of view. It is my effort to help spread the message because I have found so much healing in the Fellowship. This book developed out of the blog: www.gettingoutfromgoingunder.wordpress.com Please note that all the material in this book is freely available at the blog. The book version is an effort to make the information available off-line in an easy to read format, organized by topic. First, some housekeeping. I’m making this book available anonymously to stay true to Tradition Eleven – which is to maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and TV. Next, please understand that this is not an official Debtors Anonymous (DA) book. DA does not endorse any outside enterprise, which this is (Tradition Six). Therefore, the opinions expressed here are purely my own and do not represent the Fellowship of Debtors Anonymous as a whole. I have been in and out of Debtors Anonymous since 1999. But since April 25, 2009, I have been consistently abstinent from incurring any new unsecured or secured debt and working my DA program one day at a time using the tools and principles of DA H.O.W. You can visit the official Debtors Anonymous website for more information: http://debtorsanonymous.org You can also download the following documents for more information on DA HOW: DA HOW information 90 Questions for DA HOW Sponsees Through this book, I am going to give you tips and inspiration to stay abstinent with money, and I will explain the specifics of how I work my own program. Last, but not least, I will give you lots of training and help on creating and maintaining your spending plan, which is a crucial component of this program. Thank you for joining me on this journey. Remember, I am just another compulsive debtor and spender. But for today, I am gratefully not using money like heroin. And you can do that too. Back to Top Who Will Benefit From This Book My intention for “Getting Out from Going Under” is to help anyone who wants to stop using money compulsively. There are tips, tools, and tutorials for basic money management skills, such as creating a spending plan and reconciling your spending with your bank account. For those who are not yet in a recovery program, this book will also help you understand what recovery is about and hopefully, will encourage you to seek out the help Debtors Anonymous offers if you are truly out of control with money. For anyone in Debtors Anonymous, this book provides information on various tools of recovery and how one might use them. Working the DA program through the H.O.W. (honesty, open mindedness, and willingness) lens is what saved my life. But there are many paths to recovery within DA. And I hope that this book presents a big picture that is helpful to anyone seeking recovery from the tyranny of compulsive debting and spending. Back to Top How to Use This Book This guide is for you to use as an adjunct to working your DA program. You can read it through or just turn to the section that speaks to you. Again, please note that all the material in this book is freely available at the blog: www.gettingoutfromgoingunder.wordpress.com The book version is an effort to make the information available off-line in an easy-to-read format, organized by topic. Feel free to give this book away, but I ask that you not alter it in any way. I do not have all the answers, but I hope this guidebook will give you food for thought and assistance on your journey through recovery. This book includes all posts written by the admin “Sober with Money” (“Linda Isaacson”) through April 1, 2013. Back to Top SECTION 1: ABOUT THE PROGRAM OF DEBTORS ANONYMOUS (DA) History of DA If you don’t know the history of Debtors Anonymous, you might want to read about it here: http://debtorsanonymous.org/about/about.htm. Struggling for Definition and Membership John H., DA’s founder, struggled and failed over many years, with the group disbanding and having to restart the program on his own. It was a challenge just to figure out a bottom line and physical method to find recovery from this deadly disease. They tried all kinds of ideas to find a way out, as stated on the DA website: “They first called themselves the “Penny Pinchers,” and attempted to control through will power the amount of money they spent. Later, the group renamed itself the “Capital Builders”, convinced that their financial problems stemmed from an inability to save money. They tried to cure this by making daily deposits into savings accounts, but this, too, failed to resolve their problems.” Solving our problem with money seems not as simple and clear-cut as the solution for alcoholism because we need to use money nearly daily. But, in the end, here is what they discovered: “Finally, as more years passed, they began to understand that their monetary problems did not stem from an inability to save or control the amount they spent or earned, but rather from the inability to become solvent. By 1971, the essence of the DA Program unfolded in the discovery and understanding that the act of debting itself was the threshold of the disease, and the only solution was to use the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous to stop incurring unsecured debt one day at a time, and to stay stopped.” That is why the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop debting. If I never pick up a credit card or unsecured debt for any reason, I will never be in debt again. A simple solution … but how we achieve that is the challenge. Some Need Added Accountability All of us in the program work the 12 Steps of DA for our spiritual recovery. Most everyone who stays solvent uses a spending plan of some kind. But while the DA founders determined that purely by committing to not debting, you will be solvent, for those of us who find success using the H.O.W. format, we discovered that we needed the additional step of committing our money before spending it as our way to accomplish that. DA does suggest using a spending plan and tracking one’s numbers as tools to prevent debting. For some people, having the spending plan and keeping their numbers is enough. In theory, that works for me, but my disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful in how it will trick me if I don’t commit my spending. [...]... for an overage of spending and not to be abused Mistakes Mistakes are different to me than slips or relapse If you made a calculating error and didn’t know you had less in a category, that is a mistake If you did everything you could to ensure that you didn’t overspend, and again, you forgot about an automatic debit, so you were over, that is a mistake If you go to the gas station and realize as you finish... angst Aspiring to love, rather than criticizing, judging, and hating, is all it takes Just try That’s all Step 8 Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all Principle: Humility Apologizing, especially when others have done us wrong as well, is not always easy But remember that you only have to apologize for what you did You are not saying that what they did was... onto HOW meetings and attack the way we work our program I want to talk about what DA-HOW is and why I think that it is no threat to the greater program of Debtors Anonymous To me, using HOW is just following instructions on a specific, very structured way to use the DA tools There are no tools that are unique to working a HOW program, just a commitment to use the tools of the program of DA so that... of YNAB, asked if I would do an interview to give his listeners an understanding of how debting can be an addiction, from a compulsive debtor’s perspective, and to share my experience, strength, and hope about how Debtors Anonymous can help Further, I wanted to explain how the YNAB software is a great tool for compulsive debtors to use to maintain their spending plan and track their numbers This interview... the steps and taking certain actions Belief is when you experience it for yourself As a newcomer, you may have to act on faith But when you want to turn away, get to a meeting or call someone who has been in program awhile and ask them about the miracles they have experienced That is how you can develop faith before you experience belief yourself Step 4 Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of... gratification with gratitude, knowing that you are behaving in a courageous manner and facing the inevitable pain of life instead of the taking the path of addiction and avoidance Step 5 Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs Principle: Integrity When you find yourself blaming others for your problems, you can learn to take responsibility for your part in a. .. proportional to my desperation to have it Getting something I want, but am not painfully longing for, is always far more satisfying for me So when you think of something to buy that you have not committed as you go about your day, try to get willing to wait at least one day to buy it Back to Top “DA H.O.W IS Real DA” Following is an excellent article written by a DA member in my network, which adds another... Courage When you find yourself wanting to run away from an unpleasant reality, maybe back into compulsive spending and debting and away from program, take a breath and instead, run headlong toward recovery Do your 4th step Take direction from your PRG group even if it is not what you wish it were Do what makes you uncomfortable if you trust that it is the right thing Experience the pain of delayed gratification... the same steps, traditions, and tools, and they help us to recover from a life-threatening malady, one day at a time The Debtors Anonymous preamble states, “The only requirement for membership in Debtors Anonymous is a desire to stop incurring unsecured debt.” Back to Top It’s Specific, Not Different As stated in the Debtors Anonymous Preamble: “The only requirement for membership in Debtors Anonymous... reminds us that we are not alone and we are not all powerful Prayer, they say, is asking our Higher Power for guidance and meditation is being open to hearing an answer The spiritual aspect of this program enables us to learn to sit in discomfort Once you can do that, you can handle anything Meditation teaches us to sit still despite our minds going berserk Prayer teaches us to reach out to something or . UNDER A Guide to Recovery for Compulsive Debtors and Spenders By Linda Isaacson (pseudonym) Getting Out From Going Under By Linda Isaacson Published by Sober. maybe back into compulsive spending and debting and away from program, take a breath and instead, run headlong toward recovery. Do your 4th step. Take direction