[...]... the house or take on extra responsibilities and chores because the parent is unable to do them? Pain, in fact, is the quintessential solitary experience only in that the person affected is the only one who can physically feel the pain In all other respects pain particularly chronic pain is a familial experience that dramatically changes the dynamics of the family as a unit and the functioning of the. .. responsibilities for the family ask and expect the pain person to help whenever possible what is chronic pain? 7 • Don’t be the go-between for the pain person and the doctor—they should have their own relationship, and the person in pain should be responsible for following through with all treatment plans • Don’t cancel your plans to do things just because someone else is in pain Enjoy the things that... future and these plans may no longer be realistic The loss of long-held goals, dreams, and plans might make the family frustrated and even resentful Just as the family is affected when a loved one is in pain, so the person in pain is influenced by the family s response to the situation Obviously, when a spouse or parent isn’t doing all the things he or she used to do, the other members of the family. .. which the tissues heal Rather, there is ongoing destruction of the cartilage that protects the joints and keeps the bones from rubbing against each other As the arthritis progresses, so does the intensity and duration of the pain This type of chronic pain is associated not with a healing process gone awry but rather with the progressive nature of a disease that cannot be arrested or cured Chronic pain. .. when the acute pain is taken care of Acute pain rarely affects family members for more than a brief period of time Unless the injury is horrific, the crisis quickly resolves and there is no lasting impact on the individual or the family (though of course parents usually remember a child’s suffering) With chronic pain there is no what is chronic pain? 11 such resolution Indeed, the impact of chronic pain. .. deconditioning and even more pain The change in lifestyle that often accompanies chronic pain is not confined to the person in pain Medical bills pile up at the same time that there may be a loss of income The entire family may be unable to maintain their standard of living Even if finances are not an issue, day-to-day life for the entire family may change A once-active parent who loved to take the family hiking and. .. that children often cope the same way their parents do If your children see you shut down and become reclusive, they may do the same On the other hand, if they see you enjoying yourself and having fun despite difficulties at home, they will likely respond in kind • Engage in honest and loving communication on a regular basis with both the person in pain and other members of the family who may be affected... time without the consent or sometimes even the recognition of either partner This can be devastating for both the well spouse and the person in pain In general, the more disabled one partner becomes, the 22 effect on the couple greater the impact on the family and in particular the spousal relationship This is why treatment for chronic pain is so function-oriented (during my medical training, the physiatrists... in the physical condition At the other extreme, when a spouse becomes frustrated, resentful, or even outwardly angry, the effect on the person in pain and other family members who witness this breakdown in the relationship can be disastrous Pain behaviors are widely regarded as “maladaptive,” meaning they serve no real purpose and can be very detrimental It’s critical for people in pain and their family. .. will understand how pain affects not only the individual but also the entire family 2 Effect on the Couple C hronic pain affects the spousal or other committed long-term relationship perhaps more than any other Spouses often spend more time with each other than with anyone else, and the profound feelings they have for each other contribute to the significant effect that illness has on their marriage . 161 Index 163 chronic pain and the family 1 What Is Chronic Pain? Pain is an inevitable part of the human experience. We are born frail and vulnerable, and maturation. the pain. • Encourage the person in pain to do whatever he can to help him- self and the family. • Avoid taking over all the responsibilities for the family ask