Independent Essay - 69 e. Idiom Hook When using an idiom hook, make sure you state the idiom verbatim, for example: Correct: My mother always said, “The early bird catches the worm.” Incorrect: My mother always said, “The morning bird catches the worm.” f. Anecdote Hook An anecdote is a very short story used to introduce the main topic of your essay. An anecdote can be either humorous or serious, for example: I have been speaking English for twenty years, but I still have a hard time pronouncing some words. Take yesterday for example. I asked a waitress for a “bowel.” She looked at me like I was crazy until my American friend said “bowl.” Last year, my friend Hiroshi took an online MBA course. It cost a lot of money, but he enrolled anyway because he could finish in six months. The day after he started studying, the school suddenly closed and Hiroshi lost all his money. g. Provocative Hook When using a provocative hook, make sure you can support what you are claiming. Did you know that a gun is the best form of personal protection? Complex hooks will test your language use proficiency (OPDUL=C). If you are confident of your writing ability—and the information you bring to the test—start your essay with a complex hook, for example: A report in Pediatrics states that by age sixteen, teenagers who watch TV shows with a high degree of sexual content are twice as likely to have babies out of wedlock than those teens who watch TV with a low degree of sexual content. This evidence proves that television is indeed having a negative influence on the youth of America. It also supports my belief that parents are failing to monitor their children’s viewing habits. Warning!! 70 - Independent Essay The first part of this introduction is a complex hook, specifically a statistic. hook A report in Pediatrics states that by age sixteen teenagers who watch TV shows with a high degree of sexual content are twice as likely to have babies out of wedlock than those teens who watch TV with a low degree of sexual content. Next comes the transition. transition This evidence proves that television is indeed having a negative influence on the youth of America. The transition is followed by the test-taker’s opinion. opinion It also supports my belief that parents are failing to monitor their children’s viewing habits. Notice how the transitions “This evidence” and “It also” connect the three parts of this introduction, grammatically and topically (OPDU L=C). This, in turn, demonstrates coherence (OPDUL=C ). Look at the following introduction. Can you identify the problem? This introduction demonstrates a common problem test-takers make when starting their independent essays with a hook: No transition between the hook and the opinion. Look at the same introduction mapped out. Because there is no transition between the hook and the opinion, this introduction demonstrates a lack of organization, development, progression, unity and language use (OPDUL =C). The result is a lack of coherence (OPDUL=C ). hook Did you know that every hour three animal species become extinct? transition ? opinion Personally, I think that all governments should ban the logging of old growth forests. Hooks: Avoid this Problem! Did you know that every hour three animal species become extinct? Personally, I think that all governments should ban the logging of old growth forests. Independent Essay - 71 Sometimes there is a transition. However, the transition is not topically or grammatically connected to the hook or the opinion, for example: hook Did you know that more people are telecommuting these days? transition I would love to do this. It would be great. opinion Personally, I think that there are advantages to working from home. A good hook is hard to write. If you are not confident using hooks, do not waste time trying to write one on test day. Instead, state your opinion, then concentrate on developing each body paragraph (3TiC). Why is a hook an effective advanced strategy? Because your introduction (hook + transition + opinion) will look like an inverted (upside down) pyramid in which the ideas progress from general to specific. general (hook) Some people think that we do not need zoos while others think that we do. Personally speaking, specific I think that we need zoos. (opinion) The writing raters will look for an inverted-pyramid introduction. An inverted- pyramid introduction demonstrates OPDUL=C . Does this introduction demonstrate organization? The test-taker is using an inverted pyramid that includes a hook, a transition and the test-taker’s opinion. This demonstrates organization. Yes √ No _ Does this introduction demonstrate progression? The hook is a general statement. It is connected to the opinion by the transition “Personally speaking.” This demonstrates progression from general (hook) to specific (opinion). Yes √ No _ Inverted-Pyramid Introduction O P transition Warning!! 72 - Independent Essay Does this introduction demonstrate development? The hook introduces the general topic of zoos and whether we need them or not. The test-taker’s opinion focuses the topic by specifically stating, “I think that we need zoos.” The test-taker’s opinion is arguable, supportable, a complete sentence and not a question. Combined, this demonstrates introduction development. Yes √ No _ a. Does this introduction demonstrate topical unity? The topic of zoos in the hook and in the opinion are the same. This demonstrates topical unity. Yes √ No _ b. Does this introduction demonstrate grammatical unity? The transition, “Personally speaking,” connects the hook and the opinion, and is grammatically correct. All other grammar is correct. This demonstrates grammatical unity. Yes √ No _ Does this introduction demonstrate proficient language use? The sentence, “Some people think that we do not need zoos while others think that we do” is a complex sentence. This demonstrates proficient language use. Yes √ No _ Does this introduction demonstrate coherence? Because of proficient Organization, Progression, Development, Unity and L anguage Use, this introduction demonstrates coherence (OPDUL=C) in the shape of an inverted-pyramid. Yes √ No _ To maximize scoring, apply the following advanced thesis strategies to develop a basic independent essay into an advanced independent essay. Read the following theses. Thesis #1 Personally, I think that we need zoos. Thesis #2 Personally, I think that we need zoos because they are educational, they are fun for families, and they look after endangered animals. Thesis #1 is a general thesis. In contrast, thesis #2 is a predictor thesis. To predict means “to identify in advance.” Notice how thesis #2 is predicting three topics, one for each body paragraph. The topic predicted in body paragraph #1 is They (zoos) are educational; the topic predicted in body paragraph #2 is They (zoos) are fun for families; the topic predicted in body paragraph #3 is They (zoos) look after endangered animals. D U L C Advanced Thesis Strategies Predictor Thesis Independent Essay - 73 A predictor thesis is a complex sentence. A complex sentence has two parts: independent clause and dependent clause. An independent clause has a subject and a verb. Together, they form a complete idea. In a predictor thesis, the independent clause states your opinion about the topic in the prompt. The independent clause connects to the dependent clause with a conjunction. The dependent clause contains the predictors. The predictors are reasons. You will develop each reason using an example in each body paragraph. The reasons, in turn, will support your opinion and conclusion. independent clause = Personally, I think that we need zoos conjunction = because predictor they are educational (reason 1), (dependent clause) they are fun for families (reason 2) conjunction = and they protect endangered animals (reason 3). Look at the following predictor thesis. Notice how each predictor becomes a topic sentence in each body paragraph. The topic sentence is the first sentence. Notice also how they becomes the topic identifier Zoos in each body paragraph topic sentence (T iC). G Personally, I think that we need zoos because they are educational, they are fun for families predictor (reasons) and they protect endangered animals. TiC Zoos are educational. For example… TiC Zoos are fun for families. For example… TiC Zoos protect endangered animals. For example… C In conclusion, I think that we need zoos. Writing a Predictor Thesis 74 - Independent Essay To shorten the predictor, delete the subject and verb in the second and third predictors. G Personally, I think that we need zoos because they are educational, fun for families predictor (reasons) and protect endangered animals. TiC Zoos are educational. For example… TiC Zoos are fun for families. For example… TiC Zoos protect endangered animals. For example… C In conclusion, I think that we need zoos. Add transitions to identify the start of each body paragraph topic sentence. TiC First, zoos are educational. For example… TiC Also, zoos are fun for families. For example… TiC Moreover, zoos protect endangered animals. For example… A predictor thesis demonstrates organization, progression, development and unity (OPDU L=C). It also demonstrates proficient language use (OPDUL=C), specifically parallelism. Look at the following predictor thesis. Personally, I think that we need zoos because they are educational, they are fun for families and they protect wild animals. Notice how the grammar on either side of the conjunction and is the same. The plural subjects they refer to the plural object zoos. The plural they takes the plural verbs are and protect. This grammatical equality (syntactical balance) is called parallelism. Predictor Thesis: Parallelism Independent Essay - 75 In the next example, notice how the grammatical balance is incorrect. When the balance is incorrect, there is a lack of parallelism. Personally, I think that we need zoos because they is educational, they be fun for families and they protects wild animals. Because this predictor thesis lacks parallelism, it demonstrates a lack of proficient language use (OPDUL =C). This will result in a lack of coherence (OPDUL=C) and a lower score. TASK: For parallelism practice, go to page 328. Check your answers on page 331. Another way to develop your introduction is to use a gerund predictor thesis. Look at the predictor thesis below. Notice that it is two sentences. Personally, I believe that the internet is a dangerous place. Using the internet increases the risk of identify theft and the risk of downloading viruses. The first sentence is a general thesis (O). It identifies the topic and the test-taker’s opinion about the topic. Personally, I believe that the internet is a dangerous place. The second sentence is the predictor. Notice how it begins with a gerund phrase. A gerund is an ing noun (Using) followed by an object (the internet). Together, they form the subject. The verbs and their objects are the predictors joined by the conjunction and . Using the internet increases the risk of identify theft and increases the risk of downloading viruses. In the following example, notice how the grammar on either side of the conjunction and is parallel. This demonstrates grammatical unity (OPDU L=C) and coherence (OPDUL=C ). From my perspective, I assert that exercising is good for you. Exercising keeps you happy and keeps you healthy. parallel Gerund Predictor Thesis 76 - Independent Essay In the following example, notice how the predictor is not parallel after the gerund Exercising. This demonstrates a lack of grammatical unity (OPDU L=C) and a lack of coherence (OPDUL=C ). From my perspective, I assert that exercising is good for you. Exercising keeps you happy and to keep you healthy. not parallel To make this predictor parallel, change to keep to keeps. TASK: For practice using gerund predictors, go to page 329. Check your answers on page 332. Look the following predictor thesis. Personally, I think that there are many advantages to working from home such as privacy, cost and seeing my children more. To demonstrate language use, replace “Personally” with a synonymous phrase, for example: In my opinion, As far as I’m concerned, In my experience, I think that there are advantages In my view, to working from home, such as In my estimation, privacy, cost and seeing my children From my experience, more. From my perspective, Personally speaking, Next, look at the main verb think followed by that. Personally, I think that there are many advantages to working from home such as privacy, cost and seeing my children more. Replace think that with a synonymous phrase. This will demonstrate language use (OPDUL =C). 1. In my opinion, I claim that there are advantages to working from home, such as privacy, cost and seeing my children more. 2. As far as I’m concerned, I assert that there are advantages to working from home, for example privacy, cost and seeing my children more. Predictor Thesis: Using Synonyms Independent Essay - 77 3. In my experience, I feel that there are advantages to working from home, including privacy, convenience and less stress. 4. In my view, I posit that there are advantages to working from home, namely privacy, cost and spending more time with my children. 5. From my perspective, I contend that there are advantages to working from home, specifically privacy, cost and seeing my children more. 6. Personally speaking, I believe that there are advantages to working from home, including privacy, cost and seeing my children more. 7. In my estimation, I conclude that there are advantages to working from home, such as privacy, cost and seeing my children more. 8. In my opinion, I postulate that there are advantages to working from home, including privacy, convenience and seeing my children more. 9. Personally speaking, I reason that there are advantages to working from home, specifically privacy, cost and less stress. 10. From my perspective, I think that there are advantages to working from home, for example privacy, cost and spending more time with my children. There are two ways to write a predictor thesis. The first way is to write a predictor thesis when you map out and develop notes in Step #2. When developing a predictor thesis this way, first identify the question in the prompt. Next, choose a position to argue. If you agree, ask yourself “Why?” In this case, “Why do we needs zoos?” Answer the question “Why do we need zoos?” three times. Each answer will be a body paragraph topic that will support your opinion and conclusion. Each answer will also be one of your three predictors (reasons). Predictor Thesis: When to Write Make a note map; state your opinion (G); restate it in your conclusion (C); develop examples (3TiC). Step #2 Prompt We need zoos. Do you agree or disagree? Why? Give examples and reasons to develop your opinion. 1. 78 - Independent Essay After each predictor, write for example. Restate the predictors in your conclusion (for restating predictors in your conclusion, see Conclusion Strategies). When you are finished mapping out your essay, complete it by following the remaining four steps. Step #3 Type a first draft. Step #4 Check your first draft for Coherence using OPDUL=C. Step #5 Revise your first draft using your revision checklist. Step #6 Submit your essay. G = agree - I think that we need zoos – why? for education for families for endangered animals Ti = education - for example when 12 I went to zoo, on TV lions look very small but so big at zoo!! C = go to the zoo see, things in new light Ti = families - for example my family goes to zoo + picnic C = go to the zoo is fun for my kids Ti = endangered animals – for example zoos good for animals like pandas C = no zoos no pandas C = for those reasons I think that we need zoos for education for families for endangered animals . an object (the internet). Together, they form the subject. The verbs and their objects are the predictors joined by the conjunction and . Using the internet. because they are educational, they are fun for families and they protect wild animals. Notice how the grammar on either side of the conjunction and is the