'1 rt 4 Death { Introduction Do you find this conversation offensive? I haven't seenHarry for months How is he? > Dead! He died just beforeChristmas Which would you prefer to say? He passed away just beforeChristmas or We lost him just beforeChristmas Do you use similar expressions in your language to avoid the words dead or died? lf so, what are they? Discussion ln your country: When someone dies,what happensto their body? a It is buried b.It is cremated c Somethingelse \7here funeralceremonies take place? a In a church b At d sbrine c Sometuhere else Who usuallyattendsfunerals? d Only men b Men and women c Anyone What colour peoplewear ro signify death? a Black b.White c A different colowr What peopleusuallydo at funerals? a Cry openly and expressstrong emotions b Keep their emotions under control c Try not to cry, but cry quietly if they cdnnot help it When you die, would you prefer to be buried or cremated? "Die, my dear doctor? That's the last thing I shall do!" Lord PctLmerstot't SURPRISING HONESTY AT FUNERAL Family and friends at the funeral of George Ramsbottom in Honley, West Yorkshire, were stunnedwhen his brother,Frank, stood up in the church and told everyonethat his brother would not be missed Describing his brother as the meanestman he had ever met, he went on to list all the people who would be glad to know that Georgehad died, and gave the reasonswhy He claimed that Georgewas a liar, a cheat,a womaniserand a drunk "He owed money to half the people in the village; he had ruined a number of marriages; and he was often incredibly rude for no good reason No one will be sad that he has sone." said Frank Ramsbottom Mr Ramsbottom's unexpectedspeech was followed by complete silence Eventually Margaret Dudley, the minister in charge of the service,stoodto say,"Let us give thanks for George'slife with our final song." She then sang on her own while everyone else stood in silence.The service ended shortlv afterwards { 4 I { I q I E q I d l '1 1 Reading Read the two articles opposite Then choose the best answers to these two questions: 1.Why you think nobody sangthe final song at the fur-reral George Ramsbottom? YesIcould , acupof tea What's your new boyfriend like? I'm t0meethim warmed up! Are You look like you ill? 10.I don't just want to sit on the beachall day I'll be bored to you have similar idioms in your language? Do Do you know these idiomatic expressions? He's kicked the bucket He'spopped his c/ogs He'sgone to meet his maker 4.I've been out shoppingall day My feet are m e ! The train doesn'tleavetill 4, so we've got nearly an hour to 'Whenever you open your Just keep quiet theEnglish mouth,you language! Add the following words to these sentences: death murder When is it going to stop raining?I'm sick to of this weather! Sorrv I'm so late The traffic was "'Will you please takeyour Discussion feet off *y bestcbair!" Answer the questions below on your own: How you feel when the subject of death comes into the conversation? a [Jncomfortable- I don't want to talk abowt it b lt dependshow other people redct c Fine - it's perfectly natural to talk about death Or you have another reaction? You have to tell a close friend that a mutual friend of yours has died You know that they were very close How would you start the conversation? a I'm afraid we won't be meeting Mary for lunch on Friday after all b Haue you heard? Mary's jwst died c You'd better sit dotun I'ue got some bad news about Mary She died last night C)r would you say somethingelse? A friend of yours (a rather unreliable one) has just died, owing you a lot of money After the funeral his sistercomes to talk to you Do you say: a I was hoping to meet one of the family so I can get my money back b Poor George! He was such a good friend (and forget about the money) c I shall miss George- but not as much as the ["1000 he ctwedme! Or would you say somethingelse? If the only work availablewas working with dead bodies - for example as an undertaker or a pathologist - what would you do? a Take the job Somebodybas to lobs like that It's no big deal b I could neuer a iob like that.'What would my friends think? I'd rather starue c I'd ask for a huge salary.It would be OK if I was paid a lot d Pleasestop tall You only have to a computer once say throw \fhy don't blondes get coffee breaks? > It takes too long to them afterwards 'V7hat intelligent blondes and UFOs .incommon? > You often hear about them, but you never seeone to screw How many blondes does it in a light bulb? > One Sheholds the bulb still and the world revolvesaround her over the glass Why did the blonde wirll? > Tcrseewhat was on the other side IX/hatdo you brain? > Gifted S.What you if a blonde - a grenadeat you? > Pull the pin out and throw it back ' if her doctor 10.What would a blonde pregnant? told her that she was > Is it mine? a blonde with half a Did you find these jokes offensive? Do you know anybody who would? Are they blonde? it to Thi;k about a joke that you know and try to translate it into English Write it down first and then tell a classmate Politically incorrect iokes Taboosand /ssues Reading The authors would like to make it clear that none of the following jokes has been written by them They are typical of jokes which exist in books of jokes and on joke websites.The jokes printed here are among the least offensive! As you read the jokes below, rate each one for its level of humour and level of offensiveness: HUMOUR A: very funny OFFENSIVENESS A: verv offensive B: a bit funny B: a little offensive C: not funny C: not offensiveat all loke Q: How can you tell when a lawyeris lying? A : H i s l i p sa r em o v i n g loke How you make a cat go 'woof'? Soak it in petrol and throw it on the fire foke A womanwas paying someitemsin a for supermarket a pint of milk,a packet bacon, of a smallbagof rice and a few vegetables man at The the checkout said,"l betyou'resingle, you?" aren't "Well yes,I am,"the womanreplied "How did you "Because you'rereally know?" veryugly,"replied the man foke B There was a young man from Calcutta, Who had the most terrible stutter, H e s a i d ,P a s s h e h - h a m , t And the 1r-ffjam, And the b-b-b-b-b-b-butter foke HOW TO IMPRESS WOMAN A Compliment cuddleher,kissher,caress her, her, love her,strokeher,comfort her,protecther,hug her,wine and dine her,buy giftsfor her,listento her,respect her,standby her,supporther,go to the endsof the earthfor her HOW TO IMPRESSMAN A Arrivenaked with beer foke How you makea dog drink? P u ti t i n a l i q u i d i s e r foke Q: How men sorttheirlaundry? 'F A : ' F i l t h y ' a n d i l t h y u t s t i l lw e a r a b l e ' b foke and eightarms? Q: What hasfour legs A: A pit-bull terrier a children's in playground foke A young man with a wild and multi-coloured hairstylesits next to an old man on a park bench The old man staresat the young man "What's the matter,old man?" saysthe young man "Never done a n y t h i n gc r a z y i n y o u r l i f e ? "T h e o l d m a n r e p l i e s : "Yeah When I was in the Navy, I got really drunk one night and had sex with a parrot I thought you might be my son." loke 10 Q: How you know when you're too fat? A: When you step on the scalesand it says 'To be continued.' foke 11 Q: If your wife comes out of the kitchen to nag you, what have you done wrong? A: Made her chain too long foke 12 Q : W h y d o l t a l i a nm e n w e a r l o t s o f g o l d c h a i n s a r o u n dt h e i r n e c k s ? A: So they know when to stop shaving Match the following reactions to the relevantjokes above: a Anybody who thinks setting fire to an animal is funny needspsychiatrichelp They are sick! b That's in really bad taste.Peoplewho have a speechimpedimenr can'r help it c I don't think you should joke about people's appearance not their fault! It's d.I don't get it (I don't understand the johe.) Discussion Did you find any of the jokes offensive or 'sick'? Which, it any? Who would be offended by the jokes above? Consider each one with a partner Are there any categories of jokes that you would describe as offensive that were not included above? Taboosand /ssues Pol iticaIly incorrectjoke s - || I L a Tabooconversation topics f, I I { il I Discussion 1l s Work in pairs Discussthese questions: I When you fill in a form, are you h"ppy to give this information: Yottr age? Your mdrital statusl Your income? Are there any other questionsyou don't like answering? t t il { I f Reading t'l ril Readthrough the four conversations below.Who are the peopleand what is the situation? ; t Conversation A: Your blood pressure absolutelyfine Have is you beeneatingnormally? B: Oh yes.The sameas normal A: And you take any regularexercise? B: Yes,I play squashtwice a week A: Mm Tell me, how much you weigh? B: About 68 kilos t Gonversation2 A: B: A: B: I a 'We've just moved in Hello, I'm Jean Walker nert door Paul Burton Pleased meet you Do you to work locally? Yes, I'm a solicitor with a firm on the High Street A solicitor That's a good job How much you eirrn? I u I I f d a Conversation3 A: B: A: B: Hello I'rn looking for a white tennis shirt OK Tennisshirtsare over here As you can see,I'll need a fairly large srze Yes, I c:rn seethat How much you weigh, if you don't mind me asking? Conversation4 A: Gareth,you will be delightedto hear that we wor-rld like to offer you the job B: Great! Thank you very much A: \7e need tc'r talk a bit about salaries B: Right, yes,of course A: Rernindme, how much you earn at the moment? B: About {35,000 a year A: Yes,well, we won't be able to give you more than that initirrlly, but we shor-rld able t