Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships CHAPTER TOPICS • • • • • Intimacy in Close Relationships Communication in Families Communication in Friendships Communication in Romantic Relationships Improving Close Relationships Looking Out/Looking In Fourteenth Edition Intimacy in Close Relationships • Dimensions of Intimacy • • • • Physical Intellectual Emotional Shared Activities • Some relationships exhibit all four dimensions • Other relationships exhibit only one or two Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships Intimacy in Close Relationships • Masculine and Feminine Styles • Research shows that women are somewhat more willing than men to share their feelings • In terms of amount and depth: • Female – Female were at the top • Male – Female came in second • Male – Male had the least disclosure • Biological sex is not as important as the chosen gender role when expressing emotion • Generalizations not apply to every person Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships Intimacy in Close Relationships • Cultural Influences on Intimacy • Notions of public and private selves have changed dramatically • Collectivist cultures • Generally not reach out to outsiders, often waiting until they are properly introduced before entering into conversation • Individualistic cultures • Make fewer distinctions between personal relationships and casual ones Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships Intimacy in Close Relationships • Intimacy in Mediated Communication • Mediated communication can be just as personal as face-to-face interaction • Relational intimacy may develop more quickly through mediated channels • Intimate connections in cyberspace can also be problematic • “Virtually unfaithful” Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships Intimacy in Close Relationships • The Limits of Intimacy • Most people want 4-6 close relationships in their lives • Obsession with intimacy can lead to less satisfying relationships • Intimacy is rewarding but it isn’t the only way of relating to others Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships Communication in Families • Characteristics of Family Communication • Family communication is formative • Family communication is role-driven • Family communication is involuntary Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships Communication in Families • Characteristics of Family Communication • Families as systems • Family systems are interdependent • Family systems are manifested through communication • Family systems are nested • Subsystems • Suprasystems • Families are more than the sum of their parts Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships Communication in Families • Communication Patterns within Families • Conversation orientation • High conversation orientation • Low conversation orientation • Conformity orientation • High-conformity families • Low-conformity families Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships Communication in Families • Communication Patterns within Families • Consensual • High conversation, high conformity • Pluralistic • High conversation, low conformity • Protective • Low conversation, high conformity • Laissez-faire • Low conversation, low conformity Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships 10 Communication in Friendships • Sex, Gender, and Friendship • Gender considerations • Sex role • Sexual orientation Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships 13 Communication in Friendships • Friendship and Social Media • Internet has made friendship more complicated • Social networking sites used primarily to maintain current friendships or to revive old ones • Social media isn’t a replacement for face-to-face communication • Means to support and rekindle friendships Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships 14 Communication in Romantic Relationships • Ancient Greek • Storge and philla • Friendly love • Pragma • Practical, logical affinity • Agape • Selfless, altruistic compassion • Mania • Eros Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships 15 Communication in Romantic Relationships • Romantic Turning Points • Transformative events that alter the relationship • • • • Especially important in romantic relationships Often mark movement among stages Not all turning points are positive Can provide clues about the status of the relationship Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships 16 Communication in Romantic Relationships • Couples’ Conflict Styles • John Gottman – conflict styles • Volatile • Avoidant • Validating Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships 17 Communication in Romantic Relationships • Couples’ Conflict Styles • Gary Chapman – love languages • • • • • Words of affirmation Quality time Gifts Acts of service Physical touch • Assumption your partner speaks same love language as you can be a setup for disappointment Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships 18 Improving Close Relationships • Relationships Require Commitment • Promise - sometimes implied, sometimes explicit – to remain in a relationship and make it successful • Commitment formed and reinforced through communication • Words aren’t surefire measure of commitment • Deeds are also important Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships 19 Improving Close Relationships • Relationships Require Maintenance and Support • Relational maintenance strategies • • • • • Positivity Openness Assurances Social networks Sharing tasks Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships 20 Improving Close Relationships • Relationships Require Maintenance and Support • Most used with family and friends • Openness • Social networks • Most used with romantic partners • Assurances Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships 21 Improving Close Relationships • Relationships Require Maintenance and Support • Social support • Helping loved ones through challenging times • Communication plays a central role • Resources • Emotional support • Informational support • Instrumental support Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships 22 Improving Close Relationships • Repairing Damaged Relationships • Types of relational transgressions • • • • • Lack of commitment Distance Disrespect Problematic emotions Aggression Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships 23 Improving Close Relationships • Repairing Damaged Relationships • Relational transgressions • • • • Minor vs significant Social vs relational Deliberate vs unintentional One-time vs incremental Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships 24 Improving Close Relationships • Repairing Damaged Relationships • Strategies for relational repair • Talk about the violation • Take responsibility for the transgression • Components of apology • Expressing regret • Accepting responsibility • Making restitution • Genuinely repenting • Requesting forgiveness Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships 25 Improving Close Relationships • Repairing Damaged Relationships • Forgiving transgressions • Most effective conversations contain: • Explicit statement • Discussion of the implications of the transgression and future of relationship • Some transgressions harder to forgive • One way to improve ability to forgive is to recall times when you have mistreated or hurt others Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships 26 Chapter Review • • • • • Intimacy in Close Relationships Communication in Families Communication in Friendships Communication in Romantic Relationships Improving Close Relationships Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships 27 ... others Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships 26 Chapter Review • • • • • Intimacy in Close Relationships Communication in Families Communication in Friendships Communication in Romantic... Expressing regret • Accepting responsibility • Making restitution • Genuinely repenting • Requesting forgiveness Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships 25 Improving Close Relationships. .. only one or two Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships Intimacy in Close Relationships • Masculine and Feminine Styles • Research shows that women are somewhat more willing than men