LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD AND THE WOLF As soon as Wolf began to feel That he would like a decent meal, He went and knocked on Grandma’s door When Grandma opened it, she saw The sharp white teeth, the horrid grin, And Wolfie said, ‘May I come in?’ Poor Grandmamma was terrified, ‘He’s going to eat me up!’ she cried And she was absolutely right He ate her up in one big bite But Grandmamma was small and tough, And Wolfie wailed, ‘That’s not enough! ‘I haven’t yet begun to feel ‘That I have had a decent meal!’ He ran around the kitchen yelping, ‘I’ve got to have another helping!’ Then added with a frightful leer, ‘I’m therefore going to wait right here ‘Till Little Miss Red Riding Hood ‘Comes home from walking in the wood.’ He quickly put on Grandma’s clothes, (Of course he hadn’t eaten those.) He dressed himself in coat and hat He put on shoes and after that He even brushed and curled his hair, Then sat himself in Grandma’s chair In came the little girl in red She stopped She stared And then she said, ‘What great big ears you have, Grandma.’ ‘All the better to hear you with, ‘the Wolf replied ‘What great big eyes you have, Grandma,’ Said Little Red Riding Hood ‘All the better to see you with, ‘the Wolf replied He sat there watching her and smiled He thought, I’m going to eat this child Compared with her old Grandmamma She’s going to taste like caviare Then Little Red Riding Hood said, ‘But Grandma, what a lovely great big furry coat you have on.’ ‘That’s wrong!’ cried Wolf ‘Have you forgot ‘To tell me what BIG TEETH I’ve got? ‘Ah well, no matter what you say, ‘I’m going to eat you anyway.’ The small girl smiles One eyelid flickers She whips a pistol from her knickers She aims it at the creature’s head And bang bang bang, she shoots him dead A few weeks later, in the wood, I came across Miss Riding Hood But what a change! No cloak of red, No silly hood upon her head She said, ‘Hello, and please note ‘My lovely furry WOLFSKIN COAT LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD AND THE WOLF əz suːn əz wʊlf bɪˈɡæn tə fiːl | ðət (h)i wʊd laɪk ə ˈdiːsnt miːl | hi went ən(d) nɒkt ɒn ˈɡræn(d)ˌmɑːz dɔː | wen ˈɡrænmɑː ˈəʊpənd ɪt | ʃi ˈsɔː | ðə ʃɑːp waɪt tiːθ | ðə ˈhɒrɪd ɡrɪn | ən(d) wʊlfi sed | me(ɪ) aɪ kʌm ɪn | pʊə ˈɡrænməˌmɑː wəz ˈterɪfaɪd | hiz ɡə(ʊ)ɪŋ tu iːt miː ʌp | ʃi kraɪd | ən(d) ʃi wəz ˈæbsəluːtli raɪt | hi et (h)ər ʌp ɪn wʌn bɪɡ baɪt | bət ˈɡrænməˌmɑː wəz smɔːl ən(d) tʌf | ən(d) wʊlfi weɪld | ðæts nɒt ɪˈnʌf | aɪ hævnt et bɪˈɡʌn tə fiːl | ðət aɪ həv hæd ə ˈdiːsnt miːl | hi ræn əˈraʊn(d) ðə ˈkɪtʃɪn ˈ elpɪŋ | aɪv ˈɡɒt tə hæv əˈnʌðə ˈhelpɪŋ | ðen ˈædɪd wɪð ə ˈfraɪtfl lɪə | aɪm ˈðeəfɔː ˈɡə(ʊ)ɪŋ tə weɪt raɪt hɪə | tɪl lɪtl mɪs red ˈraɪdɪŋ hʊd | kʌmz həʊm frəm ˈwɔːkɪŋ ɪn ðə wʊd | hi ˈkwɪkli ˈpʊt ɒn ˈɡrændˌmɑːz kləʊðz| əv kɔːs (h)i ˈhædnt ˈiːtn ðəʊz | hi drest (h)ɪmˈself ɪn ˈkəʊt ən(d) hæt | hi pʊt ɒn ʃuːz ənd ˈɑːftə ðæt | hi ˈiːvn brʌʃt ən(d) kɜːld (h)ɪz heə | ðen sæt hɪmˈself ɪn ˈɡrændˌmɑːz tʃeə| ɪn keɪm ðə ˈlɪtl ɡɜːl ɪn red | ʃi stɒpt | ʃi steəd | ən(d) ðen ʃi ˈsed | wɒt ɡreɪt bɪɡ ɪəz u hæv ɡrænmɑː | ɔːl ðə ˈbetə tə hɪə ju wɪð | ðə wʊlf rɪˈplaɪd | wɒt ɡreɪt bɪɡ aɪz u hæv ˈɡrænmɑː | sed lɪtl red ˈraɪdɪŋ hʊd | ɔːl ðə ˈbetə tə siː u wɪð | ðə wʊlf rɪˈplaɪd | hi sæt ðeə ˈwɒtʃɪŋ (h)ər ən(d) smaɪld | hi θɔːt | aɪm ɡə(ʊ)ɪŋ tu iːt ðɪs tʃaɪld | kəmˈpeəd wɪð (h)ər əʊl(d) ˈɡrænməˌmɑː | ʃiz ɡə(ʊ)ɪŋ tə teɪs(t) laɪk ˈkæviɑː | ðen lɪtl red ˈraɪdɪŋ hʊd sed | bət ˈɡrænmɑː | wɒt ə ˈlʌvli ɡreɪt bɪɡ fɜːri kəʊt ju hæv ɒn | ðæts rɒŋ | kraɪd wʊlf | həv ju fəˈɡɒt | tə tel mi wɒt bɪɡ tiːθ aɪv ɡɒt | ɑ: wel | nəʊ ˈmætə wɒt ju seɪ | aɪm ˈɡə(ʊ)ɪŋ tu iːt u ˈeniweɪ | ðə smɔːl ɡɜːl smaɪlz | wʌn ˈaɪlɪd ˈflɪkəz | ʃi wɪps ə ˈpɪstl frəm (h)ə ˈnɪkəz | ʃi eɪmz ɪt ət ðə ˈkriːtʃəz hed | ən(d) bæŋ bæŋ bæŋ | ʃi ʃuːts ɪm ded | ə f uː wiːks ˈleɪtər ɪn ðə wʊd | aɪ keɪm əˈkrɒs mɪs ˈraɪdɪŋ hʊd | bət ˈwɒt ə tʃeɪndʒ | nəʊ kləʊk əv red | nəʊ ˈsɪli hʊd əˈpɒn (h)ə hed | ʃi sed | həˈləʊ | ən(d) du: pliːz nəʊt | maɪ ˈlʌvli ˈfɜːri ˈwʊlfskɪn ˈkəʊt |