THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST Algernon Algernon Did you hear what I was playing, Lane? Lane Lane I didn’t think it polite to listen, sir Algernon Algernon I’m sorry for that, for your sake I don’t play accurately - any one can play accurately - but I play with wonderful expression As far as the piano is concerned, sentiment is my forte I keep science for Life Lane Lane Yes, sir Algernon Algernon And, speaking of the science of Life, have you got the cucumber sandwiches cut for Lady Bracknell? Lane Lane Yes, sir [Hands them on a salver.] Algernon Algernon [Inspects them, takes two, and sits down on the sofa.] Oh! by the way, Lane, I see from your book that on Thursday night, when Lord Shoreman and Mr Worthing were dining with me, eight bottles of champagne are entered as having been consumed Lane Lane Yes, sir; eight bottles and a pint Algernon Algernon Why is it that at a bachelor’s establishment the servants invariably drink the champagne? I ask merely for information Lane Lane I attribute it to the superior quality of the wine, sir I have often observed that in married households the champagne is rarely of a firstrate brand Algernon Algernon Good heavens! Is marriage so demoralising as that? Lane Lane I believe it IS a very pleasant state, sir I have had very little experience of it myself up to the present I have only been married once That was in consequence of a misunderstanding between myself and a young person Algernon Algernon [Languidly.] I don’t know that I am much interested in your family life, Lane Lane Lane No, sir; it is not a very interesting subject I never think of it myself Algernon Algernon non Very natural, I am sure That will do, Lane, thank you Lane Lane goes out.] Lane Thank you, sir [Lane Algernon Algernon Lane’s views on marriage seem somewhat lax Really, if the lower orders don’t set us a good example, what on earth is the use of them? They seem, as a class, to have absolutely no sense of moral responsibility COMPILED JUAN CARLOS DAVID THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST ældȢǩnǩn | dǺd ju hǺǩ wǢt aǺ wǩz pleǺǺŋ leǺn | leǺn | aǺ dǺdnt θǺŋk Ǻt pǩlaǺt tǩ lǺsnʜ sǬə | ældȢǩnǩn | aǺm sǢri fǩ ðæt | fǩ jǤə seǺk | aǺ dǩȚnt ple(Ǻ) ækjǩrǩtli |eni wȜn kǩn ple(Ǻ) ækjǩrǩtli | bǩt aǺ pleǺ wǺð wȜndǩf(ǩ)l Ǻkspreȓnʜ | ǩz fǡər ǩz ðǩ piænǩ(Ț) Ǻz kǩnsǬənd | sentǺmǩnt Ǻz maǺ fǤəteǺ | aǺ kiəp sa(Ǻ)ǩns fǩ laǺf | leǺn | jes sǬə |-ældȢǩnǩn | ænd | spiəkǺŋ ǩv ðǩ sa(Ǻ)ǩns ǩv laǺf | hǩv ju DZǢt ðǩ kjuəkȜmbǩ sænwǺdȢǺz kȜt fǩ leǺdi bræknǩl | leǺn | jes | sǬə | ældȢǩnǩn | ǩȚ | baǺ ðǩ weǺ leǺn | aǺ siə fr(ǩ)m jǤə bȚk | ðǩt Ǣn θǬəzdi naǺt | wen lǤəd RN9lǩn ǩn(d) mǺstǩ | wǬəðǺŋ wǩ daǺnǺŋ wǺð miə | eǺt bǢtlʜz ǩv ȓæmpeǺn ǩr entǩd ǩz hævǺŋ biən kǩnsjuəmd |-leǺn | jes sǬə | eǺt bǢtlʜz ǩnd ǩ paǺnt | ældȢǩnǩn | wa(Ǻ) Ǻz Ǻt ðǩt ǩt ǩ bætȓǩlǩz ǺstæblǺȓmǩnt | ðǩ sǬəvǩnts Ǻnveǩri^ǩbli drǺŋk ðǩ ȓæmpeǺn | aǺ ǡəsk mǺǩli fǩr ǺnfǩmeǺȓnʜ | leǺn | aǺ ǩtrǺbju:t Ǻt tǩ ðǩ suəpǺǩri^ǩ kwǢlǺti ǩv ðǩ waǺn sǬə | aǺ hǩv Ǣfnʜ ǩbzǬəvd | ðǩt Ǻn mærǺd haȚshǩȚldz | ðǩ ȓæmpeǺn Hz reǩli ǩv ǩ fǬəst reǺt brænd | ældȢǩnǩn | DZȚd hevnʜz | Ǻz mærǺdȢ sǩȚ cHlǢrǩlaHyHM ǩz ðæt | leǺn | aǺ bǺliəv Ǻt Hy ǩ veri pleznt steǺt sǬə | aǺ hǩv hǩd veri lǺtlʜ ǺkspǺǩri^ǩns ǩv Ǻt maǺself | Ȝp tǩ ðǩ preznÿt | aǺ hǩv ǩȚnli biən mærǺd wȜns | ðæt wǩz Ǻn kǢnsǺkwǩns ǩv ǩ mǺsȜndǩstændǺŋ bǺtwiən maǺself ǩnd ǩ jȜŋ pǬəsnʜ | ældȢǩnǩn | aǺ dǩȚnt nǩȚ ðǩt a(Ǻ) ǩm mȜtȓ ǺntrǩstǺd Ǻn jǤə fæmǩli laǺf leǺn | leǺn | nǩȚ sǬə | Ǻts nǢt ǩ veri ǺntrǩstǺŋ sȜbdȢekt | aǺ nevǩ θǺŋk ǩv Ǻt maǺself | ældȢǩnǩn | veri nætȓrǩl | aǺ ǩm ȓȚǩ | ðæt wǺl duə leǺn | θæŋk ju | leǺn | θæŋk ju sǬə | ældȢǩnǩn | leǺnz vjuəz Ǣn mærǺdȢ |siəm sȜmwǢt læks | rǺǩli | Ǻf ðǩ lǩ(Ț)ǩr Ǥədǩz dǩȚnt set ǩs ǩ DZȚd ǺDZzǡəmplʜ | wǢt Ǣn Ǭəθ Ǻz ðǩ juəs ǩv ð(ǩ)m | ðeǺ siəm | ǩz ǩ klǡəs | tǩ hæv æbsǩluətli nǩȚ sens ǩv mǢrǩl rǺspǢnsǩbǺlǺti | COMPILED JUAN CARLOS DAVID