A BIT OF FRY AND LAURIE Language Conversation Stephen and Hugh are in a TV studio, talking animatedly - at least Stephen is animated Hugh Well, let's talk about instead about flexibility of language - linguistic elasticity if you like Stephen I think I said earlier that our language, English Hugh As spoken by us Stephen As we speak it, yes certainly, defines us We are defined by our language if you will, then please, for goodness' sake, Hugh (To camera) Hullo! We're talking about language Stephen Perhaps I can illustrate my point - let me at least try Here's a question: is our language capable, English this is, is it capable of sustaining demagoguery? Hugh Demagoguery? Stephen Demagoguery Hugh And by demagoguery you mean? Stephen By demagoguery I mean demagoguery, I mean highly-charged oratory, persuasive whipping up rhetoric Listen to me, if Hitler had been English would we, under similar circumstances have been moved, charged up, fired by his inflammatory speeches, or should we have laughed? is English too ironic a language to support Hitlerian styles, would his language simply have, have rung false in our ears? Hugh (To camera) We're talking about things ringing false in our ears Stephen Alright, alright, you mind if I compartmentalise? I hate to, but may I? May I? Is our language a function of our British cynicism, tolerance, resistance to false emotion, humour and so on, or those qualities come extrinsically extrinsically, from the language itself? It's a chicken and egg problem Hugh (To camera) We're talking about chickens, we're talking about eggs A BIT OF FRY AND LAURIE Stephen Let me start a leveret here: there's language, the grammar, the structure then there's utterance Listen to me, listen to me, there's chess and there's a game of chess Mark the difference, mark it for me please Hugh(To camera) We've moved on to chess Stephen Imagine a piano keyboard, eighty-eight keys, only eighty-eight and yet, and yet, new tunes, melodies, harmonies are being composed upon hundreds of keyboards every day in Dorset alone Our language, Tiger, our language, hundreds of thousands of available words, frillions of legitimate new ideas, so that I can say this sentence and be confident it has never been uttered before in the history of human communication: "Hold the newsreader's nose squarely, waiter, or friendly milk will countermand my trousers." One sentence, common words, but never before placed in that order And yet, oh and yet, all of us spend our days saying to each other, the same things time after weary time, living by clichaic, learned response: "I love you", "Don't go in there", "You have no right to say that", "shut up", "I'm hungry", "that hurt", "why should I?", "it's not my fault", "help", "Marjorie is dead" You see? That surely is a thought to take out for a cream tea on a rainy Sunday afternoon Hugh looks at camera, opens mouth as if to speak, decides against it Speaks to Stephen instead Hugh So to you language is more than just a means of communication? Stephen Er, of course it is, of course it is, of course it is Language is a whore, a mistress, a wife, a pen- friend, a check-out girl, a complimentary moist lemonscented cleansing square or handy freshen- up wipette Language is the breath of God, the dew on a fresh apple, it's the soft rain of dust that falls into a shaft of morning sun when you pull from an old bookshelf a forgotten volume of erotic diaries; language is the faint scent of urine on a pair of boxer shorts, it's a halfremembered childhood birthday party, a creak on the stair, a spluttering match held to a frosted pane, the warm wet, trusting touch of a leaking nappy, the hulk of a charred Panzer, the underside of a granite boulder, the first downy growth on the upper lip of a Mediterranean girl, cobwebs long since overrun by an old Wellington boot Hugh Ner-night Vox Pop Hugh Then Betty took a bit of better butter and put it in her bitter batter and made her bitter batter better Something like that It was before the next war of course A BIT OF FRY AND LAURIE ˈlæŋɡwɪdʒ bɪt fraɪ (d) hju æ ɪmeɪ ɪd | ˈ ɪ | d ˈlɔ:ri | rɪ ˌ ju dɪ ʊ | ɔ kɪŋ æ ɪmeɪ ɪdl | l (t) hjuː wel | lets ˈtɔːk əˈbaʊt ɪnˈsted əˈbaʊt ˌfleksəˈbɪlɪti əv ˈlæŋɡwɪdʒ | lɪŋˈɡwɪstɪk ˌelæˈstɪsɪti ɪf ju ˈlaɪk | ˈ tː aɪ θɪŋk aɪ ˈsed ˈɜːliə ðət a(ʊ)ə ˈlæŋɡwɪdʒ | ˈɪŋɡlɪʃ | hjuː əz ˈspəʊkən baɪ əs | ˈ t ː əz wi spiːk ɪt | jes ˈsɜːtnli | dɪˈfaɪnz əs | wi ə dɪˈfaɪn(d) baɪ a(ʊ)ə ˈlæŋɡwɪdʒ ɪf ju wɪl | ðen pliːz | fə ˈɡʊdnəs seɪk | duː | hjuː kæm r həˈləʊ | wɪə ˈtɔːkɪŋ əˈbaʊt ˈlæŋɡwɪdʒ | ˈ t ː pəˈhæps aɪ kən ˈɪləstreɪt maɪ pɔɪnt | let miː ət liːs(t) traɪ | hɪəz ə ˈkwestʃən | ɪz a(ʊ)ə ˈlæŋɡwɪdʒ ˈkeɪpəbl | ˈɪŋɡlɪʃ ðɪs ɪz | ɪz ˈɪŋɡlɪʃ ˈkeɪpəbl əv səˈsteɪnɪŋ ˈdeməˌɡɒɡəri | hjuː ˈdeməˌɡɒɡəri | ˈ tː ˈdeməˌɡɒɡəri | hjuː ən(d) baɪ ˈdeməˌɡɒɡəri ju miːn | ˈ t ː baɪ ˈdeməˌɡɒɡəri aɪ miːn ˈdeməˌgɒɡəri | aɪ miːn haɪli tʃɑ:dʒd ˈɒrətri | pəˈsweɪsɪv ˈwɪpɪŋ p ˈretərɪk | ˈlɪsn tə mi | ɪf ˈhɪtlə həd biːn ˈɪŋɡlɪʃ wʊd wi | ˈ ndə ˈsɪmələ ˈsɜːkəmstənsɪz həv biːn muːvd | tʃɑːdʒd p | ˈfa(ɪ)əd ba(ɪ) ɪz ɪnˈflæmətri ˈspiːtʃɪz | ɔː ʃəd wi həv lɑːft | ɪz ˈɪŋɡlɪʃ tuː aɪˈrɒnɪk ə ˈlæŋɡwɪdʒ tə səˈpɔːt hɪtleəriən staɪlz | wʊd ɪz ˈlæŋɡwɪdʒ ˈsɪmpli hæv | həv r ŋ ˈfɔːls ɪn a(ʊ)ər ɪəz | hjuː tə ˈkæmərə wɪə ˈtɔːkɪŋ əˈbaʊt ˈθɪŋz ˈrɪŋɪŋ ˈfɔːls ɪn a(ʊ)ər ɪəz | ˈ t ː meɪ aɪ ˌkɒmpɑ:tˈmentəlaɪz | aɪ heɪt tuː | bət meɪ aɪ | meɪ aɪ | ɪz a(ʊ)ə ˈlæŋɡwɪdʒ ə ˈf ŋkʃn əv ˈa(ʊ)ə ˈbrɪtɪʃ ˈsɪnɪsɪzəm | ˈtɒlərəns | rɪˈzɪstəns tə ˈfɔːls ɪˈməʊʃn | ˈhjuːmər ən(d) səʊ ɒn | ɔː du: ðəʊz ˈkwɒlɪtɪz k m ˌeksˈtrɪnsɪkəli ˌeksˈtrɪnsɪkəli| frəm ðə ˈlæŋɡwɪdʒ ɪtˈself | ɪts ə ˈtʃɪkɪn ənd eɡ ˈprɒbləm | hjuː tə ˈkæmərə wɪə ˈtɔːkɪŋ əˈbaʊt ˈtʃɪkɪnz | wɪə ˈtɔːkɪŋ əˈbaʊt eɡz | A BIT OF FRY AND LAURIE ˈ t ː let miː stɑːt ə ˈlevərɪt hɪə | ðeəz ˈlæŋɡwɪdʒ | ðə ˈɡræmə | ðə ˈstr ktʃə ðen ðeəz ˈ tərəns | ˈlɪsn tə miː | ˈlɪsn tə miː | ðeəz tʃes ən(d) ðeəz ə ɡeɪm əv tʃes | mɑːk ðə ˈdɪfrəns | mɑːk ɪt fə miː pliːz | hjuː tə ˈkæmərə wiv muːvd ɒn tə tʃes | ˈ t ː ɪˈmædʒɪn ə piˈænəʊ ˈkiːbɔːd | eɪti eɪt kiːz | ˈəʊnli eɪti eɪt ənd jet | ənd jet | njuː tjuːnz | ˈmelədɪz | ˈhɑːmənɪz ə ˈbiːɪŋ kəmˈpəʊzd əˈpɒn ˈh ndrədz əv ˈkiːbɔːdz ˈevri de(ɪ) ɪn ˈdɔːsɪt əˈləʊn | a(ʊ)ə ˈlæŋɡwɪdʒ | ˈtaɪɡə | a(ʊ)ə ˈlæŋɡwɪdʒ | ˈh ndrədz əv ˈθaʊzn(d)z əv əˈveɪləbl ˈwɜːdz | frɪljənz əv lɪˈdʒɪtɪmət njuː aɪˈdɪəz | ˈsəʊ ðət aɪ kən ˈseɪ ðɪs ˈsentəns ən(d) bi ˈkɒnfɪdənt ɪt həz ˈnevə biːn ˈ təd bɪˈfɔːr ɪn ðə ˈhɪstri əv ˈhjuːmən kəˌmjuːnɪˈkeɪʃn | həʊl(d) ðə ˈnjuːzriːdəz nəʊz ˈskweəli | ˈweɪtə | ɔː ˈfrendli mɪlk wɪl ˌkaʊntəˈmɑːn(d) maɪ ˈtraʊzəz | w n ˈsentəns | ˈkɒmən ˈwɜːdz | bət ˈnevə bɪˈfɔː ˈpleɪst ɪn ðæt ˈɔːdə | ənd jet | əʊ ən(d) jet | ɔːl əv əs spend a(ʊ)ə deɪz ˈseɪɪŋ tu iːtʃ ˈ ðə | ðə seɪm ˈθɪŋz ˈtaɪm ˈɑːftə ˈwɪəri ˈtaɪm | ˈlɪvɪŋ baɪ kli:ʃaɪk | lɜːnd rɪˈspɒns | aɪ l v ju | dəʊnt ɡəʊ ɪn ðeə | ju hæv nəʊ raɪt tə ˈseɪ ðæt | ʃ t p | aɪm ˈh ŋɡri | ðæt hɜːt | waɪ ʃəd aɪ | ɪts nɒt maɪ fɔːlt | help | ˈmɑːdʒəri ɪz ded | ju ˈsiː | ðæt ˈʃʊəli ɪz ə ˈθɔːt tə teɪk ˈaʊt fər ə kriːm tiː ɒn ə ˈreɪni ˌwenzdi ˌɑːftəˈnuːn | hjuː lʊks ət ˈkæmərə | ˈəʊpənz maʊθ əz ɪf tə spiːk | dɪˈsaɪdz əˈɡenst ɪt | spiːks tə ˈstiːvn ɪnˈsted | hjuː ˈsəʊ tə ju: ˈlæŋɡwɪdʒ ɪz mɔː ðən dʒ st ə miːnz əv kəˌmjuːnɪˈkeɪʃn | ˈ t ː ɜ: | əf kɔːs ɪt ɪz | əf kɔːs ɪt ɪz | əf kɔːs ɪt ɪz | ˈlæŋɡwɪdʒ ɪz ə hɔː | ə ˈmɪstrɪs | ə waɪf | ə pen ˈfrend | ə ˈtʃekaʊt ɡɜːl | ə ˌkɒmplɪˈmentri mɔɪst lemən sentɪd ˈklenzɪŋ skweər ɔː ˈhændi ˈfreʃn p wiˈpet | ˈlæŋɡwɪdʒ ɪz ðə breθ əv ɡɒd | ðə djuː ɒn ə freʃ ˈæpl | ɪts ðə sɒf(t) reɪn əv d (s)t ðət fɔːlz ˈɪntu ə ʃɑːft əv ˈmɔːnɪŋ s n wen ju pʊl frəm ən əʊl(d) ˈbʊkʃelf ə fəˈɡɒtn ˈvɒljuːm əv ɪˈrɒtɪk memwɑ:z| ˈlæŋɡwɪdʒ ɪz ðə feɪnt sent əv ˈjʊərɪn ɒn ə peər əv ˈbɒksə ʃɔːts | ɪts ə hɑ:f riˈmembəd ˈtʃaɪldhʊd ˈbɜːθdeɪ ˈpɑːti | ə kriːk ɒn ðə steə | ə ˈspl tərɪŋ mætʃ hel(d) tu ə ˈfrɒstɪd peɪn | ðə wɔːm wet | ˈtr stɪŋ t tʃ əv ə ˈliːkɪŋ ˈnæpi | ðə h lk əv ə tʃɑːd ˈpæntsə | ði ˈ ndəsaɪd əv ə ˈɡrænɪt ˈbəʊldə | ðə ˈfɜːs(t) ˈdaʊni ɡrəʊθ ɒn ði ˈ pə lɪp əv ə ˌmedɪtəˈreɪniən ɡɜːl | ˈkɒbwebz ˈlɒŋ sɪns ˌəʊvəˈr n ba(ɪ) ən əʊl(d) ˈwelɪŋtən buːt | hjuː nɜ: naɪt | vɒks pɒp | hjuː ðen ˈbeti tʊk ə bɪt əv ˈbetə ˈb tər ən(d) ˈpʊt ɪt ɪn hə ˈbɪtə ˈbætər ən(d) ˈmeɪd hə ˈbɪtə ˈbætə ˈbetə | ˈs mθɪŋ ˈlaɪk ðæt | ɪt wəz bɪˈfɔː ðə neks(t) wɔːr əf kɔːs |