In this part . . . C ompleting the exercises in this part is the equivalent of designing clothes for one of the famous Parisian fashion houses. If you can make it through this material, you’ve arrived at the top. The topics in this part include more than grammar; and when you master them, your writing will be as stylish as a supermodel. Chapter 18 tackles parallelism, the grammar term for order and balance in a sentence. (In fashion terms, how not to wear rain boots with an evening gown.) Chapter 19 lets you practice adding variety to sentences, so you don’t end up wearing the same outfit . . . er, structuring every sentence the same way. Chapter 20 concerns the little errors (like wearing something that isn’t black in New York City) that sabotage your writing. 30_599321 pt5.qxp 4/3/06 8:50 PM Page 228 Chapter 18 Practicing Parallel Structure In This Chapter ᮣ Creating balanced sentences ᮣ Avoiding shifts in tense, person, and voice ᮣ Dealing with paired conjunctions (either/or, not only/but also, and the like) M ath teachers have all the luck. Not only can they play with compasses and protrac- tors, but they also get to draw little circles and squares and parallel lines. English has parallels too, but in grammar, parallels are created with words, not with pencils and rulers. No fun at all! Grammatical parallelism may not be party material, but it’s essential to good writing. Parallelism refers to order and balance, the quality a sentence has when it flows smoothly. No parallel sentence starts out in one direction (toward, say, Grandma’s house) only to veer suddenly off the road (perhaps to a biker convention two states away). This chapter pro- vides a road map and some practice drives to keep your sentences on track. Geometry Invades English: Parallelism Basics When a sentence is parallel, everything performing the same function in the sentence has the same grammatical identity. If you have two subjects, for example, and one is an infinitive (to ski), the other one will be an infinitive also (to fracture). You can’t mix and match; to ski and fracturing shouldn’t show up as paired (or part of tripled or quadrupled or whatever) subjects. Check these sentences out: Nonparallel: Roberta didn’t enjoy paying full price for a lift ticket and that the cashier treated her rudely. Parallel: Roberta didn’t enjoy paying full price for a lift ticket and being treated rudely by the cashier. In checking for parallelism, don’t worry about terminology. Just read the sentence aloud and listen: Parallel sentences sound balanced, but nonparallel sentences sound lopsided. Keep your balance while you check out the following sentences. Decide whether or not they’re parallel. If they are, write “correct” in the blank after each sentence. If they’re non- parallel, correct the sentence in the blanks provided. 26_599321 ch18.qxp 4/3/06 11:28 PM Page 229 230 Part V: Writing with Style Q. Sliding down Thunder Mountain, artfully spraying snow across his rival’s face, and to get the best seat in the ski lodge were Robert’s goals for the afternoon. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ A. Sliding down Thunder Mountain, artfully spraying snow across his rival’s face, and get- ting the best seat in the ski lodge were Robert’s goals for the afternoon. The sentence has three subjects. The first two subjects are verb forms ending in -ing (gerunds, in official grammar terminology), but the third is an infinitive (the to form of a verb). Mismatch! My suggested answer makes all three subjects into gerunds. Here’s another possibility: To slide down Thunder Mountain, to spray snow artfully across his rival’s face, and to get the best seat in the ski lodge were Robert’s goals for the afternoon. Now all are infinitives, and the sentence is parallel. 1. The ski pants that Robert favors are green, skin-tight, and made of stretch fabric. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 2. When he eases into those pants and zipping up with great difficulty, Robert feels cool. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 3. In this ski outfit, Robert can breathe only with great difficulty and loudly. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 4. The sacrifice for the sake of fashion is worth the trouble and how he feels uncomfortable, Robert says. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 5. Besides, sliding down the mountain and coasting to a full stop is easier in clothing that resembles a second skin. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 6. Robert has often been known to object to secondhand clothing and how some equipment is used. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 26_599321 ch18.qxp 4/3/06 11:28 PM Page 230 7. “With a good parka or wearing a warm face mask I’m ready for anything,” he says. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 8. He adds, “The face mask is useful on the slopes and doing double duty in bank robberies.” ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 9. The ski pants can also be recycled, if they are ripless and without stains. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 10. However, robbing a bank and to mug someone on the street is more difficult in ski pants. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 11. Robbers need speed and to be private, but they also need pockets. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 12. Stashing stolen money and where to put an unwanted ski mask are important issues. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 13. Robert, who is actually quite honest and not having the inclination to rob anyone, never- theless thinks about crime and fashion. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 14. He once wrote and had even edited a newsletter called Crimes of Fashion. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 15. Skiing and to pursue a career in law enforcement are Robert’s dreams. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 231 Chapter 18: Practicing Parallel Structure 26_599321 ch18.qxp 4/3/06 11:28 PM Page 231 232 Part V: Writing with Style Avoiding Unnecessary Shifts in Tense, Person, and Voice My driving instructor (my husband) patiently explained to me at least 1,000 times that shifting at the wrong time was bad for (a) the engine and (b) his nerves. I did my best, though the grinding noise that echoed through the car wasn’t always my teeth. Sentences should stay in gear also, unless the meaning requires a shift. Every sentence has tense (the time of the action or state of being), person (who’s talking or being talked about), and voice (active or passive). A sentence has a parallelism problem when one of those qualities shifts unnecessarily from, say, present to past tense, or from first person (the I form) to third (the he or they form). Nor should a sentence drift from singular to plural without good reason. For help with verbs, check out Chapters 1 and 2. Pronoun tips are in Chapters 3 and 11. Some shifts are crucial to the meaning of the sentence. If I hit you and then he hits me, the shift from one person to another is part of what I’m trying to say. That sort of sentence is fine. What’s not parallel is a statement like I hit him because you always want to be aggres- sive in tight situations, where the you is a stand-in for I or everyone. Hop in for a test ride. Check out the following sentences. If everything’s okay, write “cor- rect” in the blank after each sentence. Rewrite the nonparallel sentences so they’re correct. Q. Miranda read her introduction, and then the slides of our trip to Morocco were shown by me. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ A. Miranda read her introduction, and then I showed the slides of our trip to Morocco. The original sentence unwisely shifts from active voice (Miranda read) to passive (slides . . . were shown). Verdict: Stripped gears, caused by a lack of parallelism. 16. If anyone has studied biology, you know that a person must learn the names of hundreds, if not thousands, of organisms. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 17. Who gave those names, and why? ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 18. The Amoeba Family provides a good example of the process, so its name will be explained. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 26_599321 ch18.qxp 4/3/06 11:28 PM Page 232 233 Chapter 18: Practicing Parallel Structure 19. You may not know that the first example of this single-celled organism would have the name Amy. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 20. When you split them in half, the new organisms name themselves. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 21. The right half of Amy was still called Amy by herself, but the left half now called herself Bea. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 22. The next time Amy and Bea split, you have four new organisms. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 23. No one can imagine a conference between four single-celled organisms unless they wit- nessed it. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 24. Amy Right Half favored a name that people will notice. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 25. Amy Left Half thought about the choice for so long that her swimming was neglected. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 26. Bea Right Half, a proto-feminist, opted for “Amy-Bea,” because she wants to honor both her parents. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 27. Everyone always pronounced “Amy-Bea” very fast, and soon “Amoeba” was their pre- ferred spelling. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 26_599321 ch18.qxp 4/3/06 11:28 PM Page 233 . say, present to past tense, or from first person (the I form) to third (the he or they form). Nor should a sentence drift from singular to plural without good reason. For help with verbs, check. shouldn’t show up as paired (or part of tripled or quadrupled or whatever) subjects. Check these sentences out: Nonparallel: Roberta didn’t enjoy paying full price for a lift ticket and that the. rudely. Parallel: Roberta didn’t enjoy paying full price for a lift ticket and being treated rudely by the cashier. In checking for parallelism, don’t worry about terminology. Just read the sentence aloud and