A Moment of Clarity By Cliff Lengkono Copyright © 2012 by Cliff Lengkono. Smashwords Edition Cover art by Aubrey Watt Cover photo © Jinyoung Lee | Dreamstime.com Smashwords License Statement This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each reader. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author. For my grandmother, Without whom this book could never happen and without whom it is missing something. She is always and deeply missed. Ignorance is bliss Table of Contents Title Page Copyright Dedication Preface PART ONE: SELF Chapter 1 – Pilot PART TWO: DATING Chapter 2 – John Doe & Jane Doe Chapter 3 – Reservation for Two Chapter 4 – Fight or Flight PART THREE: RELATIONSHIP Chapter 5 – A Two-Way Street Chapter 6 – Silence is Golden Chapter 7 – Murphy’s Law Chapter 8 – L Chapter 9 – The Next Level PART FOUR: MARRIAGE Chapter 10 – Welcome Chapter 11 – Life as We Know It Chapter 12 – Sickness, Poorer, Worse PART FIVE: PARENTHOOD Chapter 13 – For the Love of Your Child Chapter 14 – New Beginning Chapter 15 – The Village Chapter 16 – There Is More than One of Everything PART SIX: FAREWELL Chapter 17 – Again Chapter 18 – A Pain in the Heart Chapter 19 – The Hard Way Chapter 20 – State of the Union Chapter 21 – And Then There Were None Chapter 22 – Everybody Dies About the Author Preface The hardest part about writing a book intended for everyone is seeking, determining, maintaining approaches, views, and solutions so general and basic that they can apply to as many people as possible. There were lots of considerations involved and adjustments made to achieve this particularly fundamental purpose. To my best and current judgment, the contents, tone, direction, and spirit of this book have all been able to demonstrate the point that I was trying to make, which is that there can be universally accepted ways for people to navigate their lives. After all, we share this one planet, we experience scores of similar events, and we essentially bear the same physical and mental characteristics. Each and every one of us is a human being. This book is about life. It discusses parts of life that I observed many people go through. It talks about the things that have mostly forgotten, ignored, or abandoned. It introduces new and basic ideas on common topics and issues in life. It addresses numerous problems commonly encountered in the lives of the majority of people. It explores various subjects with simplicity, universality, practicality, and generality. The reason I chose not to write about a particular topic is because it is my hope that this book can be relevant to a very wide range of audience. Whether someone is a man or a woman, single or married, children or adults, young or old, gay or straight, with or without children, I want him or her to be able to find at least one chapter in this book that explores the part of life that they are currently dealing with. And to take it one step further, I strived to make this book transcend the differences of generation, age, background, culture, belief, and gender. In the interest of full disclosure, I must make one important fact known, which is that I have never been on a date, in a real and serious relationship, married, or had children. I also do not have knowledge about, expertise in, or experience on, in Self-help implies that you are the only one who can help yourself. Books and authors can merely offer insights, give advice, share knowledge, teach lesson, and explain matters. They all can be actually beneficial if you put the theories into practice. The most important element of self-help books is always you, the reader. PART ONE: SELF CHAPTER 1 Pilot The Common Things What every human is born with and born into is precisely the same throughout the history of humanity. People, body, mind, world, nature, time, needs, purpose and free will are the things that each and every one of us received when we came into this world. Someone gets a father and a mother as their birth parents that will protect, teach, and raise them. There may already be a sibling or several that share many similar characteristics with them. They also have uncles, aunts, and grandparents from both parents’ side that will act as second parents to them. In some cases, it may not be parents but instead guardian or caregiver that a child will grow up with. Over time, they will have encounters with many other people outside their own family and begin interacting with them. They form relationships, develop bonds, and become familiar with those people’s presence in their life. Others they just know briefly or observe from afar and by watching these people’s lives they start constructing their own views of life and of the world. Moreover, as they grow older, they come to a realization that they need at least someone else to give them happiness, to share their burdens and sorrows, to fight for or with, to learn life from, to love and to love them back, and to change their life. Humans are also gifted with eyes to see, ears to hear, a nose to smell, a tongue to taste, skin to feel, hands to hold, arms to hug, legs to walk, a mouth to speak, lips to kiss, teeth to bite and chew, and sexual organ to procreate. Other components of the body such as blood, heart, lungs, kidney, and liver keep our body usable until they give up. Everyone also has minds to form thoughts, to remember, to think, to store memories, to imagine, to solve problems, and to process information collected by other elements of the body. The mind also has the capability of feeling various types of emotions such as fear, anger, doubt, hope, grief, shame, regret, love, hatred, despair, sympathy, empathy, guilt, disgust, worry, envy, disappointment, pride, curiosity, happiness, misery, and so forth. Mortals also have time to live, time to die, time to sleep, time to awake, past time to learn from, present time to live, and future time to prepare for. All humans have basic needs that include food, shelter, clean water, clothes, health care, safety, warmth, companionship, and sleep. And for all of those things a vast, immense, rich world has been given to humans so a whole lot of them can live in it, see it, feel its magic and power, protect it, and take care of it. Meanwhile, nature provides human beings with water to quench their thirst and to wash their body, air to breathe in, fire to cook and to keep cold and predators at bay, wind to move the sails and to cool the weather a bit, and rain to water the crops. There is a sun to dry clothes and to grow plants, a moon to shine some light in the darkness of nights, day to do some work in order to survive, night to rest, and plants and animals to satisfy a hunger, to act as a means of transportation, and to take life lessons from. Every person that ever lived, now lives, or will live has a purpose in this world and his or her existence alone has changed history. They are a product of countless and different choices and since their conception, they have been continuously altering the lives of other people, mainly their own parents. Then they will move on to changing the life of every person that they will have contact with and even the ones they will not because with their actions, they will set many things in motion. Simultaneously, the choices of others will also have impacts on their own life. Lastly but certainly not the least, a person also has free will to choose and decide what they wish to do with his or her life in this world. Some things are the same and remain the same because we are all the same. The Unfairness of Life It is likely that the oldest adage of all is the one that says that life is not fair. While people get many similar things in life, the disparities are even more apparent and pivotal in determining the sort of life that someone will lead and have. Predicaments, belongings, opportunities, and advantages are the things that distinguish one life from the other. A child might be combating hunger nearly every single day while half a world away another kid is crying over his or her broken plaything. Someone can own multiple houses but others’ homes can barely make it through the next rainstorm. There are people who have opportunities served on a platter and there are the ones who need to keep searching for one. Being born in a wealthy family also gives someone access to many benefits like reputable academic institutions while some people have to try much longer and harder if they want to succeed. Some people understand, accept, and are used to the fact that they cannot and will not ever have all or at least most of the things they want. And there are some who are still learning and refusing the reality that no one gets everything they desire. People learn reality through different ways. Some might realize that terrible things do befall good people and good things happen to bad people. Others could be asking why there is so much pain and suffering in the world or wondering why not everyone can be equally happy or miserable. A few might be attempting to comprehend the reason why certain individuals have tons of money and such a cushy life without having to work hard. There are those who refuse to accept the fact that good people have to die so soon while there are clearly so many bad people who will continue inflicting pain and causing damage that deserve death more. It may be their finding that everyone is much nicer to beautiful people and everything is easier to get for gifted individuals. They may suddenly realize the harsh reality that some people are already luckier, happier, and wealthier than others have ever been or ever will be in their lifetime. Knowing that the world is not fair can easily cause people to feel indignant and sorry for themselves, it can diminish their will to live and to fight for happiness, or make them realize that the best way to win is to stop playing fair. Everyone cannot be evenly and simultaneously happy because the rule and reality of life is that it is every man for himself. In order to get what you want, most of the time you have no choice except to sacrifice or defeat others. The world would and could be a much better place if everybody was willing to care, give, share, and help but unfortunately, humans are predisposed to take, contend, and ignore. And therein lies the underlying issue. Desire and survival are instincts, whereas aiding is a choice. Black, White, and Grey Everyone wants to be good. Everyone started good. However, when push comes to shove, the only choice is to be bad. It always started small. Ordinarily, people would go with lying. They all hesitated at first because they were afraid of the consequences of what they were going to do. Therefore, they tried to convince themselves that that was the only way, that it was just going to be that one time, and that no one would get hurt. Seeing that it is harmless, it would not take a long time and consideration before they finally did it. But then they had to deal with the aftermath. They felt guilty, ashamed, and scared. They tried to shake it off by telling themselves over and over that they had to do what they did. When that did not work, they tried to rationalize it by saying that the ends justify the means. Eventually, they were able to get past it because they continued to remain in the clear and nothing seemed to be going wrong. [...]... get what you want but you actually have the ones you hold dear taken from you You may want acknowledgment, admiration, praises, perfection, power, control or more of them and pursuing or longing for that has become the cause of your distress For all this talk, discussion, and debate about happiness, there is but a single fact that anyone should be aware of if they are not already We always want what we... that is the one and only way to get what you need There is something primal about killing in order to win a battle against something It shows that you understand the gravity of what is at stake And when you finally get the chance of having that something again, you will feel both sad and happy at the same time because it never dawned on you how lucky you are as you feel at that moment Having the ability... starters and you can continue based on what the other party says If it turns out you both enjoy your little talk, you can ask them out or make your interest known Getting and having a decent, stable job as well as a place of your own are also essential because it indicates that you are ready to start a social life with someone The Crossroads Having a successful professional and personal life is a dream... your mistakes, apologizing, and making amends That is not enough, though It should not be because you cannot take away all the sadness they have endured, you cannot give back everything or everyone they have lost, you cannot repair all the damage, and you cannot give them what they can never ever have You cannot change what happened You are doing this not out of the goodness of your heart but because you... dream that everyone strives to reach Unfortunately, it has a tendency of staying being a dream because, as many people can attest, it is very challenging to have and to manage both Whether you are dating, in a relationship, or married, the issue remains the same Work and romance will never make it simple for you to enjoy life Let us assume you were at this particular crossroads once It must not have... childhood, and they want to buy happiness because that is the only way they know how to get it and the only kind available People rationalize being miserable for money as a pursuit of happiness I used to think that it is ironic how the search for happiness could cause so much unhappiness But I realized that it is that way because it is called a quest and not an enjoyment Then again, it occurred to me that maybe... Unless you have tried it before, you cannot possibly know the outcome of dating someone relatively different Moreover, often people can be as blind as a bat and ignore the presence of bad qualities and the absence of important ones because they are distracted and enchanted by superficial features such as physical appearances or possessions You overlook vital attributes like maturity, compassion, respect,... live At first, I told myself that that was not an answer Everybody knows that But I realized that I was looking at it the wrong way I had never looked at them as being connected to each other but always separated I then knew my answer To live is to use and to combine those things What we are supposed to do is what we can do We can walk to see parts of the world we have not seen, we can save memories of. .. dull and meaningless if it does not trade places with misery from time to time The Little Things Often humans forget to take a moment and appreciate the things in their lives that they have been taking for granted; things that are actually remarkably important to them such as water, food, and shelter It is understandably very difficult to be appreciative of something when there is an ample supply of. .. it because you believe in the idea that it can happen even if it does not or never will And make no mistake, helping people can never guarantee you a sense of happiness If anything, you will be miserable doing so because your inabilities and the lack of your capability, time, and resource to help others can get to you, among other things You cannot save everybody As long as you do what you can and whenever . discussion, and debate about happiness, there is but a single fact that anyone should be aware of if they are not already. We always want what we do not have and we want to have it all. Our nature. gets a father and a mother as their birth parents that will protect, teach, and raise them. There may already be a sibling or several that share many similar characteristics with them. They also. of what is at stake. And when you finally get the chance of having that something again, you will feel both sad and happy at the same time because it never dawned on you how lucky you are as