[...]... innumerable vivid examples, Dr Yamada shows that the Japanese and Americans are playing different games, following different rules, yet judging each other by their own goals and rules The result, frequently, is frustration and mutual misjudgement A particularly fascinating aspect of this book is that many of the patterns Dr Yamada describes that distinguish Japanese and American communicative patterns are reminiscent... States and in Japan, I use first names for Americans, and last names for Japanese, except for children and friends In referring to scholars and writers, I also use the customs of each country: First name and Last name for American and European authors; Last name and First name for Japanese and Chinese authors 3 In referring to the generic third person singular, I alternate between using "he" and "she"... for and dependence on another, in practice, there is one interdependent who indulges himself in the amae (amaeru), and another interdependent who obliges (amayakasu).6 In this 10 Different Games, Different Rules idealized mutual interdependence of "sweetening" and "being sweetened," both interdependents benefit, and like a mother and a child, form an affectionate bond In the long-term, the indulger and. .. is that each person is responsible for his or her own destiny On the other hand, the Japanese story about hard work shows how everyone has a role in society, and encourages the idea of depending on each other in times of need As my grandmother repeated the moral of the Cicadas and the Ants, it was as if she was telling me that the only way to make it through hard winters was to help others out and count... wise man regards others as himself.7 Taoist teachings also promoted interdependence Taoism taught that because things exist relative to one another, a person cannot exist without others Today, this Taoist notion of relative indeterminacy has given rise to a Japanese ethics that views moral and social standards as set by others 12 Different Games, Different Rules In contrast to the American morality... set of standards ("what I want to do is against the law"), Japanese behavior is constrained by others' point of view ("what will they say if I do this") that is reflected in the law Good and bad is explicit in black and white terms for Americans, but for the Japanese, morality is an implicit consensus standard It is this others-centered morality that drives the Japanese to want to be like others in... takes care of us, and who we will take care of in the future Writes the anthropologist Takie Sugiyama Lebra: In America, empathy is shown by giving Alter [the other] freedom to make up his own mind, while Japanese empathy [omoiyari] refers to anticipating and taking care of Alter's wants.3 We play out and create such different ideals about relationship because Americans and Japanese each have agendas... that results from cross-cultural misunderstanding If this is true for speakers of different subcultural groups—men and women, people from different parts of the country or different ethnic or regional backgrounds—imagine how illuminating it is to understand deeply the logic of those who grew up in an entirely different culture—speaking a different language, living in another part of the world That is... understandings of a trade conference, a business venture, or a political election were not so at all We all have our own stories to tell The rest is a tale we know too well Misunderstandings between Americans and Japanese lead to a growing mistrust Deals are left dangling, cross-national partnerships go unventured, and corporate and political talks remain in permanent gridlock No one really understands why. .. understands why the other side tells the story it does, in the way it does The animosity between the U.S and Japan deepens, and suspicions of intentional deception follow closely on its heels "That's not fair! They're not playing by the rules! " call out the opposing parties in mutual accusation To avoid these and other unwelcome misunderstandings, here are a few more stories about American and Japanese communicators, . y0 w0 h1" alt="" Different Games, Different Rules This page intentionally left blank Different Games, Different Rules Why Americans and Japanese Misunderstand Each Other HARU YAMADA WITH . the Japanese and Americans are playing different games, following different rules, yet judging each other by their own goals and rules. The result, frequently, is frustration and mutual. insider's guide to American and Japanese communication. It begins on the premise that Amer- icans and Japanese misunderstand each other because they have different goals in communication.