[...]... (Ask, “Do you want to be objective?) “Yes, I want to be objective.” (Ask, “Do you want to be reasonable?) “Yes, I want to be reasonable.” (Ask, “can you see that intermarriage is destructive for the Jewish People?”) “Yes, intermarriage is bad for the Jewish People.” Control your tone of voice Though I already mentioned above to be calm and not over-emotional, I want to emphasize that anger and condescension... possible problems in raising children in an intermarriage? ” 20 How To Prevent An Intermarriage Reap the fruit Do not go from one topic to another without getting recognition of an agreed upon point Use ‘tag questions’ (statements followed by a clarifying question) to drive home a point or to make sure there is a mutual understanding For instance, ask “That’s an important point, isn’t it?” Spend time by... child to use the opportunity of a trial separation to learn about our heritage It is best to send him or her to Aish HaTorah or a similar Torah institution in Israel (far from the intended and close to our people) Seek a school such as Aish 14 How To Prevent An Intermarriage HaTorah (with its Discovery Program and Essentials Program) that is especially oriented towards dealing with non-religious and/or... her rabbi could not convince her to break the engagement Her uncle, however, went to her with a proposition He said to his niece, “Look, I cannot convince you not to marry this young man However, you and I both know that this is the most important decision you will make in 16 How To Prevent An Intermarriage your whole life It is not only a decision about who is your husband, but who is the father of your... easier to stand by it Choose consequences that you can live with and will not back down from Success demands consistency and determination! The Fifth Step: Itemize the means you can employ and your resources: 1 Use reason 2 Enlist your child’s friends and other relatives to provide information, reason and persuasion How Do I Formulate A Plan? 9 3 Ally yourself with the intended’s clergyman and parents... argument that one should not oppose an intermarriage in order to “keep the lines of communication open.” (One can oppose an intermarriage and can still keep the lines of communication open!) This capitulation to the child’s will completely nullifies the parent’s effectiveness It is an abandonment of a parent’s moral and personal obligation to his people and to his child Many parents erroneously think that... successful way to effect a reconsideration of marriage plans is a trial separation When it is presented properly, many couples agree to this reasonable suggestion A large number of these couples decide to make the trial separation permanent You can speak to your child along these lines: “I know you want to marry this person and you want me to approve I am unable to do that, but perhaps you can ensure your... Jewish’ for any person who will listen and ask questions After the program, 97% of attendees report that they are prouder to be Jews and want to learn more! The following case history illustrates the program’s effectiveness and demonstrates a line of reasoning that can motivate someone to attend it: A young, Jewish lady was planning to intermarry Her parents, her brothers and sisters, and her rabbi... create inner anxiety and guilt Such parents feel a need to lessen this guilt; thus, their natural tendency is to find an excuse for their past actions and to align their present actions with this rationalization One father asked me, “We’re not religious, so how can I object?” Yet, before his child wanted to intermarry, if I had asked him, “Are you proud to be a Jew? Do you want your child to marry a... It’s Best to Do Nothing? 3 3 How Do I Formulate a Plan? 6 4 What Works Best? 11 5 How Should I Interact? 18 6 How Do I Begin To Communicate? 22 7 What Should I Say? 25 8 What Should I Say To a Non-Jew Who Wants To Marry 46 My Child? 9 What Should I Say If He Calls Me a Racist? 49 10 What Can My Child Say to Break Off the Engagement? 52 11 Case Histories - Latent Anti-Semitism 55 12 Case Histories - . Jewish heritage and its relevance to them as unique human beings. Intermarriage is unimaginable to one who studies Torah and thus understands that Judaism. children’s Jewish 2 How To Prevent An Intermarriage upbringing will be better able to handle this situation than those who rationalize and make excuses.